Post # 1
I just wanted some opinions and comments on whether or not I’m a crazy person
Here’s my situation, I’m a 28 yr. old Graduate Student who has been dating my bf for 3 years now. We’ve been living together for 2 of those years, and I’ve become increasingly more sensitive and upset about STILL not being engaged. We’ve talked about it numerous times, and have even gone ring shopping. I’m starting to think that my boyfriend doesn’t really want to marry me. This past weekend, a girlfriend of mine, just got engaged after only being with her boyfriend for a year. He took her out to a fabulous dinner, and then asked her for her hand in marriage, after discussing it with her family. At this point, I’m beyond upset. She is not the only one of our friends who have recently gotten engaged and/or married. ALL of these people have been together for a lot less time, and haven’t been living together. Overall, I feel embarrassed in that I’m waiting for something that’s never going to happen. I also feel like, at this point, I’m wasting my time. I love him, and have never questioned whether he was “the one”, but I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t feel the same way. I personally don’t understand why anyone would date someone for an extremely long time without any intention of marrying them. I know I shouldn’t compare, but it’s really painful to see EVERYONE I know get engaged, married, have a baby, etc. I’m turning 29 soon, so I’m getting really antsy. I feel like I’ve put in the appropriate amount of time, and we get along great. I keep our home immaculate, cook every night, and do all of his laundry……basically he’s getting all the benefits of marriage, without actually having to buy the ring. Anyways, am I being stupid, or should I just continue to wait?
Post # 3
What does your boyfriend say when you bring up the idea of marriage? Does he talk a timeframe with you?
Post # 4
He says that he wants to get married, and we’ve talked about a wedding in the summer of 2012 when I graduate from school. I know this seems like I have sufficient time for planning, etc., however, I would like to be engaged to know that he’s serious. I don’t want to waste another year with someone who has no intention of marrying me.
Post # 5
Everyone is different and some men find it easier to commit to marriage than others. I dont think you are crazy at all. I would def question the relationship and where it stands after 3 years, especially at 28. To me its a simple yes or no answer, he either does want to marry you or he doesnt…i think after three years he would know the answer to that.
I think its something you need to talk to your boyfriend about…i wouldnt give up on him just yet but i would keep throwing it out there for him and put the idea in his head, when yall are christmas shopping drag him into a jewlery store, try some on…
Do you know where he stands on marriage and kids? does he express he wants that in the near future? sometimes these guys just need a push.
Post # 6
I recently went through this. Make sure you communicate all of your feelings to him because it could simply be a big misunderstanding. We went ring shopping, lived together and talked about marriage all the time. We knew it would happen, it was just a matter of when. I made the mistake early on of saying to friends and family, “I’m in no hurry to get married” and I said it because I didn’t want him to feel pressured. Well, after being together for 2 years and no ring, I started questionning what HE was thinking. He immediately said, “I thought YOU wanted to wait, that you weren’t in a hurry.” Big misunderstanding of what my hurry was versus what he considered a big hurry.
So we decided 100% we were getting married, shopped for rings, etc. And then I waited and waited … he didn’t propose. We even planned the date (September 17th of next year) but he still didn’t propose. He finally proposed on October 30th and when I showed concern like you did, that I wouldn’t have enough time to plan all the details, he sincerely just did not know how much work wedding planning was.
We’ve already had at least 5 vendors booked for our date (he was completely unaware, had no idea that weddings were such a planning process). Maybe just sit down and talk to your Boyfriend or Best Friend about these concerns, share everything with him so he sees the big picture.
Post # 7
He says he wants kids, and talks about our future frequently. We even have my ring completely picked out, and I feel like he’s serious, but i’m sure what the problem is. I don’t think it’s money, because the ring I chose is very inexpensive, and even expressed that I would be ok with my mother’s ring, as it has a lot of sentimental value. Hence, I’m just starting to feel like he either isn’t ready, or is starting to have cold feet. He knows how upset I’ve been about it, and has even seen me crying about it…..which I am NOT a cryer, so he’s knows how much it’s bothering me. So, again, I’m at a standstill, because I want to take the next step, but if it doesn’t happen soon, I feel like I have no further recourse but to move on.