(Closed) still waiting and he's now realized he should have done it sooner

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Taylorhea:  ugh! That sucks! I don’t really have any advice but you are very smart not to try getting married your first year of teaching. One way to get married this summer would be to go the destination route unless that’s off the table for you. Just wanted to throw thathough there.

Post # 4
Member
2447 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You’re still in school, your boyfriend lives at home, and both of you are young so it’s not like you need to rush because of babies. Why the rush to get engaged? Why not wait until you’ve both saved up a nice chunk of change and you have had a chance to get your teaching career off the ground? 

Post # 5
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think he’s made his bed, he can lie in it. Weddings take time to plan, and if he wanted a wedding in 2013, he needs to realize he needs to accept the consequences and wait another year, rather than putting you in the position to have to scramble to get everything done. It isn’t your fault he waited too long, so you shouldn’t have to accept the punishment of extra stress trying to plan this in half the time everyone else gets. He can’t have his cake and eat it too.

Post # 7
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

@Taylorhea:  Not to rain on the parade, but maybe take a step back and breathe. As far as waiting way too long, I think it’s all relative. 3.5 years is a decent amount of time, but it appears that you two are still quite young given your in school and he lives at home.

We waited 9 years to get engaged because 1) we were young and needed to grow together 2) we wanted to be financially stable and have careers, and 3) we needed to save money to pay for the rings and wedding ourselves. It sounds like you may be in a similar situation regarding the finances, stability and affording the wedding.

Also, bare in mind that men take A LOT longer to feel ready for marriage. Do not pressure or rush him, he WILL get frustrated or resentful. Many studies have found that men are typically ready for marriage around 28-30. I am not saying that some men do not commit sooner (my Fiance did at 27), but he honestly wasn’t thinking about it until about a year ago at 26.

Give him a little space and time to do it on his own schedule. I know waiting can be hard, but it really is best to make sure you are both on the same page.

Post # 8
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Taylorhea:  Im sorry to hear that your so upset. But honestly try to relax. I’m not sure how old you two are but I know how you feel. I was with my bf for over 5 years before he proposed and living together for almost 3. The best advice I can give is try not to think about it, and when it happens you’ll be so happy. I am currently in an intense internship program to become a dietitian and the night before my bf proposed (just last week) I had spent the whole night working on school projects and presentations and was in no way expecting it, I was also exhausted but once it happens none of that matters you’ll still be excited! I hope that helped 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@Taylorhea:  sometims it seems men are so dense. I am sorry e didnt listen but at least he loves you and wants to commit. youre ahead of a lot of women here

Post # 11
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

@Taylorhea:  Well, I just got engaged about 2 months ago and we are getting married in August 2013. So you could still pull of a 2013 wedding if you started moving soon. Our bestman just set his date for July 2013 and just started planning. They are both in school and trying to figure out a way to pay/plan.

Honestly, depending on what you two want, you do not need a long, long time to plan. I have literally paid for and planned 95% of our wedding in the past 2 1/2 months. We are spending around $7k (so not huge, but decent) and inviting 80 guests. I work at a charter school as a marketing director and my busiest time (as in 65-70 hours per week) is between February and August. So I did front load some stuff, but it can be done.

Just my thoughts, good luck!

Post # 12
Member
2652 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church

@Taylorhea:  I don’t understand why you can’t say yes now? You can decide to have the wedding whenever the two of you agree upon, but if you say yes now you can start booking venues/vendors and get recognition in the family (re. the Christmas card). I said yes in September of a school year then we got married in the July 22 months later. We did the majority of planning and all of the booking in the last 9 months though, so ,as others have said, an August wedding. The biggest/most stressful part of the planning was in the last few months and if you have an August wedding that means the stressful part of planning won’t interfere with school. Spring break would be a great time to hit up bridal shops with the girls and pick dresses too.

Post # 14
Member
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Do you want a wedding or a marriage? If you want a wedding say no if he asks you at a time you think won’t work. If you want a marriage with this man, say yes when he asks you and go with the flow. Maybe have a more intimate wedding or let others help you with the planning. Don’t get so caught up in the wedding that you forget about the marriage.

Post # 15
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

@Taylorhea:  So have the wedding in June, August, September, October, November or December! There are lots of months during the year and your aunt only gets one day, not an entire week, month or year.

The whole sharing the spotlight or stealing thunder (as I have said before) is very middle-schoolish. There is enough excitement, love and joy to go around for everyone.

Post # 16
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

 

If he proposed tomorrow – why not say yes? You can still set a date for next summer, or summer 2014. 

I agree with many people here – your aunt only gets a week. Second, does it hurt to be engaged. Is it so “stressful” to say Yes if he proposes in February while you are in school? You already seem to know that you want to marry him, so it doesn’t seem like you would be unsure about the relationship. 

Plus – if you are paying for the wedding yourself, you need time to save. I’ve been engaged for 2 years, and yes, ideally would have like ot be engaged & married a year or two earlier – but being engaged for two years has allowed me and my FH to save money for a wedding, honeymoon and our first house. 

That’s what’s important.

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