Still waiting and I can't stop pestering

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

Wait until June. If he doesn’t, tell him you are leaving. If he says it’s on the way give him only July. If he tells you he is preparing something being for later tell him you prefer to ruin the surprise and get to know WHEN EXACTLY!

What does he say when you ask all the time?

Post # 3
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

After 10 years he’s had plenty of opportunities to make it a “surprise”. I obviously don’t know your relationship or either of you, but it sounds like he’s stringing you along. Someone that wants to marry doesn’t wait, or at least makes solid plans with their significant other if there is going to be a waiting period. They are excited to move on to the next step. They don’t leave them hanging on having it be a “surprise” or turning it around like it’s your fault you spoiled the “surprise”.

Post # 4
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

From being on the bee a few months now, I’ve learned this line about wanting to make it a special surprise is a commonly used stalling tactic.  If he doesn’t come though in June I would start getting prepared to move out to find the one that will be excited to marry you after a couple years, not 10.

Post # 5
Member
3439 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

princesspeach89 :  Leave him in June. He’s stalling, and the fact blaming you for bringing it up is absurd This is your life, so duh you’re going to be interested in it! Getting engaged takes two people making a decision together, and saying he can’t propose because you keep bringing it up is immature and a lie. He could propose to you every second of every day and is choosing not to, so prepare to move on if marriage is important to you.

Post # 6
Member
3485 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Give him until June. Since that is the time you both aged on, give it to June and stop bringing it up for the time being. He hasn’t forgotten you want to get married so the constant reminders aren’t going to do anything but annoy him and drive you crazy. If he doesn’t propose by June, then you leave.

Giving someone a deadline but then refusing to act on the consequences of not meeting that deadline just means you were trying to manipulate that person into action, and they’ll know that your deadlines are actually meaningless and they can continue to ignore them. You’ve given him an ultimatum, so follow through on your end if he doesn’t follow through on his.

Post # 7
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

princesspeach89 :  I was in the same boat and understand the frustration/obsession.  We had been together for 8 years and I would become upset every time I saw an engagement on my social media.  After A LOT of serious talks about it we compromised on a deadline date and after that I let it go.  I didn’t bring it up anymore unless he wanted to talk about it, and I think it took some pressure off of him.  He ended up proposing a couple weeks before the date.  I think you really need to stay off the bee, pinterest, facebook, anything that makes you think about wedding stuff! As long as you two are on the same page of wanting to get married and you have a general timeline try to relax and know that it will happen.  For my Fiance, lettign it go was the best thing I could have done.  He didn’t like the pressure so when it wasn’t brought up all the time he actually wanted to do it.

Post # 8
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

My boyfriend and I have been together 8 years, coming up on 9. We recently decided to get married and went ring shopping together. I know he has the ring and has a plan, but I don’t know when it’s coming. The past month has felt incredibly long and I ask him about it once or twice a week. Luckily, he’s enjoying teasing me a bit and doesn’t mind me being a pest. I’ve found coming here and reading other people’s situations is helpful for me to know I’m not the only one going through it, and I’ve been building up my Pinterest boards in preparation. I know this isn’t the exact same situation, but I completely understand the lack of patience and pestering!

Post # 9
Member
6839 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

10 years?!?! How old are the two of you? 

On the one hand, 10 years sounds like a ridiculously long amount of time. My husband waited 4 years before proposing and that drove me nuts! I could never wait 10 years.

On the other hand, if you started dating when you were, let’s say 13, 10 years becomes entirely different. You did say you only started discussing marriage last year…so technically you’ve only been “waiting” 1 year, right? He KNOWS he has until June? This was a timeline you agreed upon?

 

Post # 10
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

llevinso :  my thoughts exactly! Even Waiting 2.5 years was a struggle for me! I can’t imagine 10. At that point, OP, why don’t you just propose to him?

Post # 11
Member
636 posts
Busy bee

Have you gone ring shopping? Does he have the ring? If he doesn’t even have a ring yet that’s pretty huge and I wouldn’t be expecting anything. And I agree that this “you spoiled the surprise” things is BS. It’s just an excuse when they were never planning to propose. I agree with the bees to wait till June like you said and then proceed from there. But until then I’d recommend that you don’t even bring it up and see what happens. 

Post # 12
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

Another one planning the perfect engagement and taking months to do if?

Hope you’ll stick to the deadline and be firm.

Post # 13
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee

_Duplicate._

Post # 13
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee

-You spoiled the surprise by demanding to know a timeline

-I want to do something big as a proposal you deserve

-I want to give you the ring you deserve and can’t afford it

-You keep pressuring/nagging me

-Why would I ask if someone kept pushing it on me

-I need more time to plan the perfect proposal

 

All part of the stall-tactic playbook. Check ANY waiting thread.  Read many of those stories.  Give one more reminder about June.  If he does not act on it, you need to be prepared to walk. For real.

 

A man will HEAR YOU even when you DON’T speak if he wants to marry you. If he doesn’t, no amount of timelines, questions, tears, “good behavior,” “playing cool girl,” or obediently staying silent will make him propose.

 

Post # 15
Member
10953 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

notmeeither :  

Yup.  The World’s Most Accomplished Time Wasters, all singin’ from the same hymnal.

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