(Closed) Still waiting… Just want to vent my feelings.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

I understand your frustration. I’m pretty sure men don’t think of these things the way that we do. I’m not really sire how they do think… Anyway, men are weird. πŸ˜›

Post # 3
Member
2766 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

2 years together at 26 years old? I don’t know how to say this any other way except most men I know/knew at that age weren’t even remotely close to thinking about settling down then. Sometime during the 28-30 year interval they’d start thinking about it. 

Post # 4
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

Hey I totally understand how you feel! 

I am 27 years old and I’ve been with My SO for 4 1/2 years.

I know for sure my SO and I will get married but it’s going to take longer than I had wished for. 

I don’t think age for a guy really matters. I know some guys that got married at 22 and there are some men at 40 who are not ready for the commitment.  It really depends on the individual. 

Like you I don’t mention it to my friends because they are not in my situation. They are either 

a. married 

b. Engaged

c. Single

so it’s hard for them to understand… It’s really nice to be able to talk about this on here. 

 

Post # 5
Member
2001 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

littlesquidge:  I think 2 years  is long enough. In another post you mentioned he is 31 I think? It should not be his sole decision about when to get engaged, sounds like that is what he is saying. That wouldn’t fly. 

Post # 6
Member
15 posts
Newbee

 I feel you! I’m 27 been in relationship for over five years, lived together for 4 1/2, he’s 30. We went on an amazing holiday this year for our 5 year anniversary, I normally organise every anniversary holiday we go on and he made a point to be in charge of the whole holiday this year, it would have been perfect! i really thought it was gonna happen, but nothing πŸ™

Post # 8
Member
288 posts
Helper bee

V and A is literally the fanciest restaurant in WDW! I would have thought the same thing if I were you.

Have you actually discussed marriage and timeline? Before you moved in together? When he said he had no intention to do it are you just supposed to pretend you never heard that? I mean I’d be upset if I lived with bf and he said that to me. You need to have the hard conversation soon.

Post # 9
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

Oh my, you have my self same story, WDW on my 26th bday, except I got taken to Citricos and then to watch Wishes over the lake afterwards, it’s giving me goosebumps just thinking about it. How did you feel when nothing happened? I was chewed up.

With regard to talking to others about my frustration I have one friend who knows everything.  She is the most generous and non judgemental friend I have which is why I go to her, and in return, she comes to me. Otherwise everything goes on this board, mainly on the SIUP like me last post I put there this morning with my most recent sorry tale! 

I really hope you start to feel better soon!

Post # 10
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

Blahhh that sucks lady πŸ™ Maybe you guys need to have a more concrete timeline talk like some others have suggested. Two years is no short length of time, so ignore people who say its too soon!

Best thing is to come on here to vent. I’ve tried to stop talking about it myself but its hard. That’s what the bees are here for, to help you through it! πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

Hi!!! I can totally relate with what you are feeling… I really think it is an awesome thing to talk to each other here on the board… Since I have started doing it actually my frustration has gone down a lot and I feel relieved… Because it’s not only me (or you), but it’s so many of us. 

One thing I think: proposing IS hard, and I think we do not get it because we are girls and the possibility of doing so does not even remotely comes up into our bee minds. But the thing is, for guys, who are by default more practical than us ladies, the idea of actually doing something like that has to be incredibly stressful!!! Not only because of the “heaviness” of this committment, but also because they known us girls are somewhat judgemental creatures in this case, and they are afraid of doing something we don’t like (place, setting, ring, diamond, words used and so on). 

I actually DID fake propose to my bf on April’s fool with a fake band (that I already had, and fits my tiny pinky, not his finnger for sure lol) and even though I knew it was a prank it was super hard for me to even bring myself to say something stupid like “Do you wanna be my one and only???” Which is actually not even close to “Would you marry me???”. So now I get it. It’s hard. And we are all being hard on our guys. I am trying to believe that when we actually stop being hard on them they will feel more comfortable and confident and will actually do it. Hope I am right πŸ˜‰

Anyway… this is my story… (Copied from my post on the SIUP thread)

Long story short, I am 32 years old, and have been living with my bf for 13 months now. When we moved in we had been together for about 6 months, but in a very very serious relationship. We pretty much figured out we were each other’s “ONE” immediately. Right before moving in, he wrote a timeline of our life… Which included a few things, and amongst them our engagement by September 24th…2014!!! And wedding by March 24th of this year… Which was theoretically supposed to happen on Valentine’s day.

Fast forward to the summer, August comes and I start getting anxious. He starts hinting me about the proposal coming during our vacation, at the end of August, in Italy and Paris. One of the days in Paris, he makes me doll up, with get up on the Tour Eiffel… And I get a watch!!! I was disappointed, but whatever…

Back in New York, now mid-september, I am super agitated, and a major major fight happens while talking about a past relationship of mine that I kinda-sorta had “downplayed”. He tells me all the plan that he had about the proposal, for September 21st, (AWESOME plan), he tells me that he had already ordered a custom made ring… And he tells me none of this will happen now anymore.

We manage to go past the fight without breaking up, and actually becoming stronger than before. We move into a large apartment, finally something that feels like “home”. I interview in the workplace of my dreams, and one evening while I was with him and other friends at happy hour, I receive a phone call from my future boss, hinting about a possible offer. On our way home, he asks me to marry him while on the subway, but without a ring. Of course I say yes, but then nothing happens… And he tells me that he somehow was meaning it as “would you still marry me if I asked you” kind of thing (as he was worried I wouldn’t after our big fight in Sep).

Christmas comes and goes, our anniversary comes and goes, fast forward to February and our supposed wedding date… We go on a Carribbean Cruise for Valentine’s, and I see him sneaking into the ship’s jewelry store on V day’s afternoon… He comes back to the room and he asks me to close my eyes, as he was going to give me something I had been talking about a lot recently… I felt like passing out… And here it was, a diamond necklace in the shape of a dreamcatcher (something I had been talking about a lot). I loved it, but at the same time somehow I hated it… I hope you ladies understand and do not think I am ungrateful. at the same time, he tells me that he wants to spend all his life with me, and so many similar things…

My birthday comes and goes, and I started feeling VERY resentful, especially because he keeps on “poking at me” about wedding/engagement related things, but gets annoyed when I talk about it, saying that I do not want to make him happy, but only think about getting engaged… Which is not true. The end of march, he tells me that if I am looking for just a husband maybe I should look elsewhere… But then tells me he cannot live without me and so on.

Last few weeks have been AWESOME, but an anxiety-steady affair: he planned (he did, for like the first time EVER) a super-romantic picnic in Central park in which he suddenly said “I have to make a statement” and keeps on going about how he wants to make all my dreams come true… Then we have the homemade 4 course meal cooked by his hands, the weekend-long escape to Atlantic City for a concert of a star from my country (and he doesn’t speak my mothertongue!!!), followed by crashing a wedding in Jersey City and champagne sunset in the park…

And to peak it all this weekend: Sunday morning I was ironing his shirt (with horrible results, I gotta admit), and he comments joking “I should this when I decided to marry an indipendent girl”… Like we were married already. Then impromptu reservation in the hotel on the Hudson in which he had originally planned the missed proposal in September, wearing the outfit that he had always “sold me” as the one he would wear on the big day… He played the agitated/anxious part and suddenly upgraded our room to a super panoramic suite with terrace… and champagne with strawberries in the room!!! And yet nothing…

I sooooooooooo tried not to talk about engagement, but at some point during the evening I got tipsy on champagne and it came out… together with my resentment for feeling repeatedly “fooled” into proposals that do not happen. I know for a fact he adores me (as I do too, he is the most awesome man in the world), and he told me that he sees himself in 20 years with me. But when it comes to make the step… He closes up. And I get resentful and silent and lose my smile.

And now it’s been a week and he has been saying he has “a gift” for me, and he will give it to me “tomorrow”. And every “tomorrow” he says “tomorrow” again. How can one not go nuts???

 

 

Post # 12
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Bloch Chapel

This winter was the WORST. Halloween (our favorite holiday), then Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s Day, my birthday (2/20)… Still waiting.

On Valentine’s Day, he took me to the “Kissing Bridge” at our alma mater. I’d mentioned that I was never kissed there when I was in college. I got a kiss (and something to mark off my bucket list) but no proposal.

Then I was so sure it was going to be on my birthday. He told me weeks beforehand that it was going to “set the tone for the rest of the year,” and kept hinting that something fantastic was going to happen. It was wonderful, but no proposal. He took me all over town doing cutesy things I’d mentioned wanting to do, then we went to the next largest city for dinner and dessert at The Melting Pot with two of our closest friends (one of which he always said he would share the proposal details with). When we got home, there was a surprise party waiting for me. I’ve always had terrible birthdays, but this one was AMAZING–I just really thought a proposal was going to land somewhere in there.

Now I’m in a bit of a lull with the waiting. Our anniversary isn’t till July, but now we’re going to a wedding that weekend, so we aren’t making any real plans.

I’m just so ready to be this guy’s wife.

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