Hi!!! I can totally relate with what you are feeling… I really think it is an awesome thing to talk to each other here on the board… Since I have started doing it actually my frustration has gone down a lot and I feel relieved… Because it’s not only me (or you), but it’s so many of us.
One thing I think: proposing IS hard, and I think we do not get it because we are girls and the possibility of doing so does not even remotely comes up into our bee minds. But the thing is, for guys, who are by default more practical than us ladies, the idea of actually doing something like that has to be incredibly stressful!!! Not only because of the “heaviness” of this committment, but also because they known us girls are somewhat judgemental creatures in this case, and they are afraid of doing something we don’t like (place, setting, ring, diamond, words used and so on).
I actually DID fake propose to my bf on April’s fool with a fake band (that I already had, and fits my tiny pinky, not his finnger for sure lol) and even though I knew it was a prank it was super hard for me to even bring myself to say something stupid like “Do you wanna be my one and only???” Which is actually not even close to “Would you marry me???”. So now I get it. It’s hard. And we are all being hard on our guys. I am trying to believe that when we actually stop being hard on them they will feel more comfortable and confident and will actually do it. Hope I am right 😉
Anyway… this is my story… (Copied from my post on the SIUP thread)
Long story short, I am 32 years old, and have been living with my bf for 13 months now. When we moved in we had been together for about 6 months, but in a very very serious relationship. We pretty much figured out we were each other’s “ONE” immediately. Right before moving in, he wrote a timeline of our life… Which included a few things, and amongst them our engagement by September 24th…2014!!! And wedding by March 24th of this year… Which was theoretically supposed to happen on Valentine’s day.
Fast forward to the summer, August comes and I start getting anxious. He starts hinting me about the proposal coming during our vacation, at the end of August, in Italy and Paris. One of the days in Paris, he makes me doll up, with get up on the Tour Eiffel… And I get a watch!!! I was disappointed, but whatever…
Back in New York, now mid-september, I am super agitated, and a major major fight happens while talking about a past relationship of mine that I kinda-sorta had “downplayed”. He tells me all the plan that he had about the proposal, for September 21st, (AWESOME plan), he tells me that he had already ordered a custom made ring… And he tells me none of this will happen now anymore.
We manage to go past the fight without breaking up, and actually becoming stronger than before. We move into a large apartment, finally something that feels like “home”. I interview in the workplace of my dreams, and one evening while I was with him and other friends at happy hour, I receive a phone call from my future boss, hinting about a possible offer. On our way home, he asks me to marry him while on the subway, but without a ring. Of course I say yes, but then nothing happens… And he tells me that he somehow was meaning it as “would you still marry me if I asked you” kind of thing (as he was worried I wouldn’t after our big fight in Sep).
Christmas comes and goes, our anniversary comes and goes, fast forward to February and our supposed wedding date… We go on a Carribbean Cruise for Valentine’s, and I see him sneaking into the ship’s jewelry store on V day’s afternoon… He comes back to the room and he asks me to close my eyes, as he was going to give me something I had been talking about a lot recently… I felt like passing out… And here it was, a diamond necklace in the shape of a dreamcatcher (something I had been talking about a lot). I loved it, but at the same time somehow I hated it… I hope you ladies understand and do not think I am ungrateful. at the same time, he tells me that he wants to spend all his life with me, and so many similar things…
My birthday comes and goes, and I started feeling VERY resentful, especially because he keeps on “poking at me” about wedding/engagement related things, but gets annoyed when I talk about it, saying that I do not want to make him happy, but only think about getting engaged… Which is not true. The end of march, he tells me that if I am looking for just a husband maybe I should look elsewhere… But then tells me he cannot live without me and so on.
Last few weeks have been AWESOME, but an anxiety-steady affair: he planned (he did, for like the first time EVER) a super-romantic picnic in Central park in which he suddenly said “I have to make a statement” and keeps on going about how he wants to make all my dreams come true… Then we have the homemade 4 course meal cooked by his hands, the weekend-long escape to Atlantic City for a concert of a star from my country (and he doesn’t speak my mothertongue!!!), followed by crashing a wedding in Jersey City and champagne sunset in the park…
And to peak it all this weekend: Sunday morning I was ironing his shirt (with horrible results, I gotta admit), and he comments joking “I should this when I decided to marry an indipendent girl”… Like we were married already. Then impromptu reservation in the hotel on the Hudson in which he had originally planned the missed proposal in September, wearing the outfit that he had always “sold me” as the one he would wear on the big day… He played the agitated/anxious part and suddenly upgraded our room to a super panoramic suite with terrace… and champagne with strawberries in the room!!! And yet nothing…
I sooooooooooo tried not to talk about engagement, but at some point during the evening I got tipsy on champagne and it came out… together with my resentment for feeling repeatedly “fooled” into proposals that do not happen. I know for a fact he adores me (as I do too, he is the most awesome man in the world), and he told me that he sees himself in 20 years with me. But when it comes to make the step… He closes up. And I get resentful and silent and lose my smile.
And now it’s been a week and he has been saying he has “a gift” for me, and he will give it to me “tomorrow”. And every “tomorrow” he says “tomorrow” again. How can one not go nuts???