(Closed) Still waiting on FI to talk to his parents.

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Im in a similair situation..though not as bad as yours. My FI’s parents are so flakey and bad with money that I have no idea if theyll come through and pay for the photographer which my Fiance is making them pay for. 

But now they want the rehearsal at the 4 seasons which is totally whack and not something I want. 

Post # 4
3296 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Why expect anyone to shell out for your wedding?

Post # 5
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t believe you’re expecting them to pay, just pay what they said they’d pay. How can they make an offer and know you made a deposit and not say “I’ll write you a check for the deposit you just made”. If it was me I’d be a bit sour about it and since it’s his parents he should be the one to ask. If you’re close with his parents could you casually ask?

I wish you the best and hope it works out.

Post # 6
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@sherryberry: probably mostly because the FIL’s said that they would… That’s what I got from the OP anyway.


And I’m sorry this is happening sweetie, kinda sucky… 🙁

Post # 7
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Your story only tells 1 half.

First you don’t know they’re not planning to pay. If you’re gonna get all pissy why don’t you take it up with Fiance. Tell him the wedding costs that you’ve fronted up to now are killing you. And you need the promised money from his mom. Nag his ass don’t get on Future Mother-In-Law ass until you know for sure she’s changed her mind.

I know for fact my Dad is waiting on me to ask him for the money he offered. So until I ask, I’m not being “offered” the cash. The same could possibly be true for Future Mother-In-Law. She’s expecting her son to go ask her for the cash as you’ll need it for the payment for fill-in-the-blank.

Don’t get pissy until it’s fact they no longer have intention to pay… for all you know she’s just waiting for her son (or you) to ask!

Note: I do agree though that’s his job to ask not yours so get on his ass!

Post # 8
14657 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with PP.  Have they actually said that they wont pay anymore?  My mother offered to pay for our reception but we never brought it up until the week before the wedding when the final payment was due.  I was fully prepared to pay for it since I wasnt ever planning on asking, but when we were talking about the final head count (since she was in charge of the family rsvps) she then asked how much and how they would get the check to the venue. Just get Fiance to talk to her and maybe get a lump sum up front for the cost she said she’d cover.

One statement in your post did bother me though: “I really don’t think it is fair to make her pay for half of the the food, too.”  I really dont think you should make your mom, who you already said does not make a lot of money at all pay for anything either.  And marrying her flesh and blood does not entitle you guys to her money.  It’d be nice, and could possibly make sense, but she’s free to spend it however crazy way she wants.  Can you cut the guest list at this point?  Are there ways to rework the budget in case she does back out on her word?

Post # 9
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My Mother-In-Law (then FMIL) offered to pay for the caterer for our wedding.  We asked what the “limit” was before we started looking for one and she told us $3K.  Well we found one within that price range.  When it came within 2 days for final payment, my SO called to ask her for the $ and that’s when she informed us that her Boyfriend or Best Friend had lost his job so she could only now give us $1K.  Eventhough I COMPLETELY understood her predicament, I couldn’t help but to freak out as we now had to come up with $2K within a couple days!  What we did was go through our stuff and had a massive Yard Sale!  We sold things we didn’t even want to sell but figured were replacable.  Did it suck, yes… but we did what we had to do.  I know your situation differs in the fact that you say she HAS the $ so I would be hurt too.  Tell your Fiance to call her ASAP and find out for sure if she still plans to help or not so that you won’t be worrying about it OR so you can  figure out a plan to make up the difference you were not planning to spend in the first place.  (I know….we paid for 90% of our $25K wedding ourselves…even after my SO lost his job 4 months before our wedding so any unexpected expenses can really hurt) 

Post # 10
3296 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Oh, maybe she is planning on giving you guys a cheque after the fact or something. 

Post # 11
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m kind of in the same situation, slightly different though.  FI’s parents asked us to have a local wedding and not a destinaton wedding which was the original plan. They agreed to it when we first ran the idea by them, but once the Save The Date’s went out, that was all she wrote. Deposits had been made, most of them non-refundable and they said they would reimburse me.  I cancelled everything about 3 days after that conversation (kicking and screaming of course) and provided a spreadsheet about 2 weeks later of the final tally since I managed to get some money back. I’m owed about $1100.  8 months later….I’m still waiting for the reimbursement. When I asked about it about a month after the spreadsheet was provided, I was told that they didn’t have it. Mind you they own their own business which is open 7 days a week and I was told that if they closed it for 3 days to go to our wedding, they would lose $12K. I think that’s an overexaggeration becasue of teh type of business it is. Just last week I heard about the purchase of a leather sleeper couch that is going into a SPARE BEDROOM that cost waaaayyy more than what I’m owed. I heard about it directly from Future Father-In-Law.  I was pretty ticked off and I still am. How are you going to talk about a new couch in front of me when you know you owe me $1100?!?!?!?!

It’s not my place to ask Future Father-In-Law about the money , it’s up to Fiance. I told him “I’m not in the business of handing out interest free loans for home remodeling. I kept my end of the bargain, they need to keep theirs.” I think Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t know that Future Father-In-Law said he would reimburse me, because she would probably go all spider monkey on him…

I feel your pain. For me it’s not only about the money since the wedding is now costing us twice as much as the destination wedding would have and they never offered to contribute anything (even though they were the reason we changed everything) it’s the principle! Keep your word!!

Good luck! It’s super frustrating.

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