(Closed) Still waiting while everyone is engaged/married… Help :/

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
638 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry you’re being made to feel that way. I understand you’re situation as SO and I were waiting till I finished school to get engaged. I come from a Catholic Portuguese family where usually people get engaged after 2 years of dating and married 2 years after. So now all of my cousins who are close to my age are getting engaged (none having 5 years of university though) and I’m here still waiting. It’s hard but just remember your SO did say it’s gonna happen next year. He’s probably waiting to finish school which is understandable. It’s a lot of money and work to plan a wedding while in school. My sister did it and she says although she’s happy she should’ve waited another year just to have planned it with less stress.:P

Post # 3
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn

I hate that you’re feeling this way and comments from others definitely don’t help. If this helps at all, my Fiance and I got engaged at right about 3.5 years together and we’ve had several friends that started dating after us get married and are celebrating anniversaries already. With that said, we were just discussing today that a lot of times, the timing has a lot to do with personality as much as the strength of the relationship. The people that I know that got engaged quickly were really wanting to get married before their relationships even started, whereas I personally wasn’t and had a lot to learn about trust and being vulnerable. And my Fiance is very much a logical, cautious person who puts a lot of thought and preparation into every decision. And I can honestly say that this is the right time for us to be planning a wedding, and that hasn’t always been the case in earlier stages of our relationship due to job stress, putting some debt behind us, etc. Good luck and trust your gut instinct, it’s usually right. 

Post # 4
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
lucymae92:  I get so angered when I hear of people belittling other people’s relationships purely because they aren’t yet engaged or married. I personally can’t wait to get married but I do not believe you HAVE to be married in order to have a strong and lasting relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we are not yet engaged. We plan to (there is a big myriad of reasons why we havent yet but that’s another story) but the fact we havent yet doesn’t make me think our relationship is lesser, in fact quite the opposite as we are still going strong despite not yet having taken that step. Waiting has been the right thing for us and it sounds like it’s been the right thing for you too. This person who put a downer on your relationship is clearly immature, spiteful and overly smug. A relationship takes alot of work whether you have a ring on your finger or not and her being married does not mean she has it any better than you. Every person and relationship is different and what’s right for others clearly hasn’t been right for you. I think it’s a positive thing to wait as you get to know each other better and work out if that person is truly right for you. Myself and my boyfriend have been through some terrible difficulties but they have only served to make us stronger and convince me that we will survive long term and make a marriage work and although I have at times felt very frustated at the lack of ring, I know in my heart of hearts it’s been best for us to wait. My suggestion would be to ignore what everyone else is doing and just concentrate on your own happiness and what suits YOU, after all, you want to get married because of how much you love your partner and not because your friends are. You clearly have a committed man who wants to marry you and that’s not something everyone has. I say enjoy that and the anticipation of waiting for that surprise proposal that will all the sweeter because you waited for it. 

Post # 5
Member
3231 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
lucymae92:  Why are you allowing it to be his sole decision? He wants to get married sometime next year (translation December 31, 2016!) +you want to get engaged now. Tell him you’re willing to split the time difference. 

Post # 8
Member
718 posts
Busy bee

Can you do a longer engagement and tell your parents that you’ll be getting married after finish college? At least there’ll progress and your parents still feel honored.

Post # 9
Member
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

If you two are still in college I assume you’re young.  You shouldn’t feel rushed to get engaged just because everyone else is doing it.  A lot can change in the transition from college to adulthood.  It sounds like it’s just not the right time for you yet, there’s no shame in that.  There’s no “right” length of time you would be together before you get engaged- every relationship is different and reaches that point at its own pace.

Post # 10
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

I totally feel for you – we are at that age where everyone gets married right after the other. It also makes you feel terrible when you’ve been together for a while and you see people that haven’t even been together a year get engaged! I agree with what some other bees have said – could you have a long engagement?

The topic ‘Still waiting while everyone is engaged/married… Help :/’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors