Post # 1
My bf and I have been together for over 3 years which may not seem long, but it is compared to the fact that everyone else we know gets engaged after a year or less it seems.
Its really doing a number on my happiness with where bf and I are namely because it makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me. He tells me we will be getting engaged sometime by next year, but in the meantime, it seems like every Monday is “Let’s see who got engaged over the weekend” day.
This didnt bother me until a girl I knew got engaged on the anniversary of meeting her now-husband. It wasn’t even the anniversary of them becoming a couple. Throughout her engagement, this girl continually downed my relationship because I had no ring and tried to make hers sound so amazing because she was engaged Already. She even was trying to give me unwarranted relationship advice “as a girl who is getting married.”
Another girl who was an intern with me at a youth group who told me to “not rush things” when bf and I started dating met a guy in March when bf and I had been together for 8 months, started dating him in May, they got engaged in December, married in July, celebrated their first anniversary in July and have two month old daughter.
Ive lost track of the number of people who hadn’t even met each other when bf and I started dating who are already engaged/married. We’re christians and he goes to a Christian college. People have even openly questioned the legitimacy of our relationship because we are looking at a 5 year meet-to-married timeline instead of a year.
It seems like everyone thinks that whirlwind love stories are the only good ones.
I know that is crazy and I know that we are making a smart choice by waiting. I know that it is coming within the reasonable future. But after getting all this flack from people who are sitting high and mighty with rings on their fingers, it’s getting harder and harder to not internalize it all…
Post # 2
I’m so sorry you’re being made to feel that way. I understand you’re situation as SO and I were waiting till I finished school to get engaged. I come from a Catholic Portuguese family where usually people get engaged after 2 years of dating and married 2 years after. So now all of my cousins who are close to my age are getting engaged (none having 5 years of university though) and I’m here still waiting. It’s hard but just remember your SO did say it’s gonna happen next year. He’s probably waiting to finish school which is understandable. It’s a lot of money and work to plan a wedding while in school. My sister did it and she says although she’s happy she should’ve waited another year just to have planned it with less stress.:P
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn
I hate that you’re feeling this way and comments from others definitely don’t help. If this helps at all, my Fiance and I got engaged at right about 3.5 years together and we’ve had several friends that started dating after us get married and are celebrating anniversaries already. With that said, we were just discussing today that a lot of times, the timing has a lot to do with personality as much as the strength of the relationship. The people that I know that got engaged quickly were really wanting to get married before their relationships even started, whereas I personally wasn’t and had a lot to learn about trust and being vulnerable. And my Fiance is very much a logical, cautious person who puts a lot of thought and preparation into every decision. And I can honestly say that this is the right time for us to be planning a wedding, and that hasn’t always been the case in earlier stages of our relationship due to job stress, putting some debt behind us, etc. Good luck and trust your gut instinct, it’s usually right.
Post # 4
I get so angered when I hear of people belittling other people’s relationships purely because they aren’t yet engaged or married. I personally can’t wait to get married but I do not believe you HAVE to be married in order to have a strong and lasting relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we are not yet engaged. We plan to (there is a big myriad of reasons why we havent yet but that’s another story) but the fact we havent yet doesn’t make me think our relationship is lesser, in fact quite the opposite as we are still going strong despite not yet having taken that step. Waiting has been the right thing for us and it sounds like it’s been the right thing for you too. This person who put a downer on your relationship is clearly immature, spiteful and overly smug. A relationship takes alot of work whether you have a ring on your finger or not and her being married does not mean she has it any better than you. Every person and relationship is different and what’s right for others clearly hasn’t been right for you. I think it’s a positive thing to wait as you get to know each other better and work out if that person is truly right for you. Myself and my boyfriend have been through some terrible difficulties but they have only served to make us stronger and convince me that we will survive long term and make a marriage work and although I have at times felt very frustated at the lack of ring, I know in my heart of hearts it’s been best for us to wait. My suggestion would be to ignore what everyone else is doing and just concentrate on your own happiness and what suits YOU, after all, you want to get married because of how much you love your partner and not because your friends are. You clearly have a committed man who wants to marry you and that’s not something everyone has. I say enjoy that and the anticipation of waiting for that surprise proposal that will all the sweeter because you waited for it.
Post # 5
Why are you allowing it to be his sole decision? He wants to get married sometime next year (translation December 31, 2016!) +you want to get engaged now. Tell him you’re willing to split the time difference.
Post # 6
if it were up to BF and I, things would be moving faster, but my parents don’t want me to get married until we are out of college which is a year away. He’s waiting to pop the question for a time shortly down the road that will make my parents feel like their wishes are being honoured, but waiting for that time is still the worst!
Post # 7
congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Your Fiance sounds very much like my BF, cautious, logical, a planner. I love that about him. I know it’s all going to happen and that makes waiting for it even harder!
Post # 8
Can you do a longer engagement and tell your parents that you’ll be getting married after finish college? At least there’ll progress and your parents still feel honored.
Post # 9
If you two are still in college I assume you’re young. You shouldn’t feel rushed to get engaged just because everyone else is doing it. A lot can change in the transition from college to adulthood. It sounds like it’s just not the right time for you yet, there’s no shame in that. There’s no “right” length of time you would be together before you get engaged- every relationship is different and reaches that point at its own pace.
Post # 10
I totally feel for you – we are at that age where everyone gets married right after the other. It also makes you feel terrible when you’ve been together for a while and you see people that haven’t even been together a year get engaged! I agree with what some other bees have said – could you have a long engagement?