Still want to wear my rings.

posted 3 months ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
270 posts
Helper bee

I would work through this with your therapist, right now the rings shouldn’t be your focus. Hope you are doing ok! 

Post # 3
Member
10695 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

ahsoka :  

If you get some comfort from your rings right now, so be it.

It’s not unusual for an beloved object to provide a sense of continuity and safety during a transition.  This is certainly a good topic for discussion with your therapist.

Post # 4
Member
2572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I’m so sorry Bee. I hope you heal soon <3 

I think it would be a good tool to take your ring off when you feel at peace almost as a symbol of letting go. Just a thought. 

Post # 5
Member
8323 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m inclined to think NOT wearing them would be much more therapeutic, painful though it may be. I understand the idea of signifying you are still not available but you can do this in other ways, not by continuing to wear a symbol of what is actually now over.

l am so sorry you are going through this.

ahsoka :  

Post # 6
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

Your rings are beautiful and meaningful, and I can see why you’d want to wear them. Could you wear it as a right-hand ring?

Post # 7
Member
2510 posts
Sugar bee

ahsoka :  As I recall, you have a beautiful, nontraditional set. What about having it resized and wearing it as a right hand set/ring? There’s no reason you can’t enjoy the pieces you put so much time and effort into designing. But personally I would not want to keep wearing it on my left hand. 

Post # 8
Member
2923 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

When my engagement ended with my ex, I gave him back the ring.  He told me to keep it, but I insisted.  It was more therapeutic for me to not have it then to have a constant reminder.  It was also a way for me to have some closure.  Are you sure you not wearing them because part of you is hoping you’ll get back together?

Post # 9
Member
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

I continued to wear my wedding band for almost a year after I left my ex-husband, not as a symbol of any attachment to him but to signal that I was not available as I wasn’t, at all.

Do what you need to do to feel okay while you work through all that you need to work through. You’ll wake up one day and decide you want to move it to the other hand or design a different piece of jewelry with it. 

Post # 10
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I remember your rings, bee. They were so beautiful and I understand at this time it might be hard to let go of that last tangible remembrance of your time together. I’ve read your other thread and although you say that you feel somewhat relieved about how things played out, I know deep in your heart there is a small part that still clings onto hope that this might just be a very, very bad dream. There’s no shame in that since the wound is still very fresh. I say do what your heart feels right for now. Let your heart grieve for what might have been and might no longer be. And then when you are truly ready, you would know and giving up those rings would feel right. I’m so sorry you are going through this now. I’ll keep you in my prayers tonight. 

Post # 11
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I find the desire to wear a ring after my breakup with my ex husband, not because I miss him but because I wore one so long it feels safe. Maybe buy yourself a bomb ass ring you adore and wear that instead! You deserve it <3

Post # 12
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

I think your desire to wear your rings makes a lot of sense. They are likely a comfort during this time- A memory of excitement and positivity in your now defunked relationship. There was so much thought and detail put into your rings and I don’t blame you one bit for wanting to wear them still. I think a pps suggestion of RHRs is a very good solution. The way you phrased things, your heart not being available, is very eloquantly done. It could be a nice “goal” to wear these rings on your wedding finger until you feel a bit more whole/healed then move them to your right hand and eventually maybe not wear them every day. But, that is up to you and whatever you chose to do, don’t second guess it. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling at this time and I must say, I am quite inspired by your poise. Praying for you bee <3

Post # 13
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

Wear em! 

Post # 14
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

I would suggest buying a new ring to wear on your left hand, rather than wearing your engagement rings. It can symbolize you being committed to yourself and your healing, for now, while still sending an outward message that you aren’t available.

Wearing your engagement ring right now, though it might feel comforting in some ways, is also a constant reminder on your finger of your broken engagement. For me, that would make it more difficult to truly move on, because I was still clinging to the past via a ring.

Good luck, Bee. I hope you heal, grow, and find great joy in life again soon!

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