- 6 years ago
Okay, so here’s the thing…
I’ve been with my SO for a few years, now. I’m still here in California because of him, waiting for him to finish his degree. I don’t begrudge him this, he’s absolutely worth the wait. He’s the kindest, most patient, loving man I’ve ever known. I had to leave the south east because of my ex, I was afraid he would find me, so I moved away as far as I possibly could.
A dear friend of mine (close as two peas in a pod) got married a couple of weeks ago to the love of her life. She’s thrilled and over the moon and has been through a lot of hell to be with him. So I’ve been completely giddy to see photos as I was unable to make it to the wedding. I’d need to buy plane tickets several months in advance to keep it in my price range as well as get the time off of work (which has been impossible to do). I wanted to but unfortunate, unexpected deaths in my family have taken place and–unfortunately–eaten a lot of the time I could take off from work.
I told her I wouldn’t be able to make it and she said she understood (I have LOADS of friends getting married this year and it kills me that I can’t come to every one of them) but I recently got a photo in the mail of her and her maid of honor with a short letter that said “This could have been you, but you decided that you had more important things to do than be a part of the most important moment of my life. I hope you’re happy with your decision.”
I’m so heartbroken. I NEVER would have expected this from her. When we were local to one another, we were like two peas in a pod. Granted, we’ve drifted a bit and I wouldn’t have expected her to ask me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, but I thought we were still close and understood why I’m still here. She tells me (frequently, half-joking) that I need to “forget the nonsense of living in hippie land and come home where you belong”.
I LOVE where I am right now. I don’t plan to move back to where she is, but at least within decent driving distance. I’m at peace here while SO and I are getting our ducks in a row. Granted, it’s beautiful here but I’m homesick like crazy. It’s so hard to go onto FB and see my friends getting married and having babies and going through life hurdles that I can’t do anything about. I can’t be there to hold their hands, offer a shoulder to cry on or go shopping for baby clothes with. I would give anything to be there for that. Suddenly this friend who sent me the picture has absolutely disgarded that I’m doing what’s right for me right now.
I don’t know where this came from, but I’m absolutely stunned. I think once it sinks in, I’ll probably cry.
I’m sorry for the long rant, bees, I just feel like I got hit in the head with a softball.