Post # 1
I’m curious about your opinions on this
I just read a post where a bride attributed a friend’s bad behavior to “crazy bridal hormones.” I have also seen a lot on this board about “post-wedding blues.”
What is odd to me is how weddings and the role of bride are becoming linked to pregnancy and motherhood. I understand why – traditionally, weddings preempt pregnancy and the roles of “wife” and “mother” often go hand-in-hand.
But I don’t like it. This kind of language conflates the SOCIAL role of “bride” with the BIOLOGICAL role of “mother.” “Post-pregnancy blue”, i.e. post partum depression, is a very serious issue; “post-wedding blues” is being sad that a big, fun party no longer needs planning. “Crazy hormones” makes sense in relation to some pregnant women sometimes…but there is so much debate over women’s bodies, and women are stereotyped as being slaves to our emotions…so do we really need to be treating the role of bride as some kind of life phase, complete with hormone changes and depression?
I don’t know.
Post # 3
I have to agree with you. While I am “bored” a little now that the planning is over, I am very much happy and loving the married life. I dont understand the post wedding blues terms at all.
Post # 4
@louvelove: I agree with you, but I’ve never heard of brides being called “hormonal”. I also think that “blues” can be associated with a lot of things but yeah I think a bigger deal is made of it than it should. I think weddings have become pretty ridiculous these days.
Post # 5
I lack the credentials to refute you based on any clinical evidence. However, I believe that a major life change such as marriage certainly can cause feelings of extreme stress, loss, and grief.
Post # 6
@Brielle: I agree. It may not be clinical depression, but wedding planning often forces a lot of things to the surface, be it family issues, body issues, control issues, etc, and the pressure on a lot of women to perform in a certain way with regard to their wedding is a very real thing. Stress can rile up hormones, and the effects of that can be far reaching.
Post # 7
@louvelove: I agree with you. Wedding planning has been a nightmare for me so far. I am basically doing it all by myself. Here’s some perspective for people having “post-wedding blues”: My fiance is in the military. We have not seen each other more than 2 weeks at a time (and only a few times for that long) in the past 4 years. Am I gonna have post-wedding blues? Heck no! I’m gonna be enjoying the privilage of being able to be with my new husband! I understand not everyone has a situation like this, but seriously…you just got married. Be happy you can begin your forever together and take in what it is to be a newly wed. Maybe this is another reason I am against living together before marriage…it just makes living together after marriage that much more exciting!
Sorry, I don’t normally rant like this, but that kinda irritated me. Post wedding blues? Please! A wedding should not be all about the party, it’s about the marriage that follows it…and that is a lot of work for newlyweds! They shouldn’t have time to have post-wedding blues. haha 😉 Just my opinion.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017
Well, it’s just the same as the post-holiday blues when you’re back to work after the Christmas and New Year period. But being sad because a big party where you’re the centre of attention is over is totally understandable and quite expected really, so I agree there’s no need for so many posts.
Post # 9
The wedding is supposed to be the stepping stone to getting married ie. HAVING A MARRIAGE that should be exciting itself, Myself and my Fiance would rather skip the wedding altogether and just have the marriage part but sadly the family wouldnt be happy and we need to please them. I think most people who say they have post-wedding-blues are probably (not judging just a thought) the people who focus on the wedding instead of the marriage and once its over they dont know what to do with themselves. My advice to these people is to not have a honeymoon immediately, have it a few months later then they have something to take their mind off it and they can plan their holiday then x
Post # 10
Eh I am ok with it, it’s not like anyone is straight up comparing a wedding to being pregnant. The hormones probably come from changing eating habits (like a lot of brides do), or change in sleep patterens because of planning, or more stressful things happening from family and such, there is a lot going on and some people’s hormone levels could change from that. And the whole post-wedding blues, they aren’t calling it depression they are just saying it’s a little sad that something you have dedicated so much of your time and heart into is over. No these aren’t excuses for acting crazy but I don’t think it’s necessarly a bad thing to have names for these things, it may help people describe the way they are feeling a little better and it’s important to try to describe your feelings.
Post # 11
I don’t see this as a problem at all.
The distinction is right there in the semantics: Post wedding blues, versus post-partum depression. “Blues” IMO are something you’re reasonably allowed to get when you lose a cherished hobby (as wedding planning becomes to some) and are no longer living in a frenzied state of excitement and anticipation. But I’d give the side-eye to anyone who claimed to have actual, clinical depression due to the wedding being over. Not in the way that post-partum causes depression–I think I remember hearing that they stopped calling it the “baby blues” precisely because it didn’t give enough gravity to the situation women went to after having children.
Neither I nor anyone I know or have heard of, conflates the two–and if they do, they’re being obnoxious and deserve the same scorn as those girls who are size 8 and say they’re fat just to fish for compliments, or someone who claims to be “poor” because they can’t afford a new car (or a big diamond ring!)
I fully anticipate being a little restless and a little sad once the wedding is over. But I’ve seen post-partum, and I know that it won’t be anything like THAT.
Post # 12
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to reply to this post or not but I really have the need to express what I would term disappointment at the conclusion of my daughter’s wedding. So initially I guess I don’t belong in the ‘bride’ department, being the mother of the bride, however, I planned and delivered my daughter’s wedding for her. Under her instruction of course, her comment to me was… “Mum I know everything you are doing for the wedding and you ask me to approve everything, but I am really looking forward to seeing it all together on our wedding day”.
So I had the total vision and planned it all with the full support and help of my husband. It was a major surprise (very positive) for her and her husband. Really it was a beautiful, family friendly wedding which is what they wanted. From that aspect it was a hugh success and they are both still smiling from the happiness the day brought to them and their children.
However, the wedding (not just day but weekend) brought up such horrible and very old and painful issues that my husband and I have been dealing with for over 22 years. Issues that we thought we had resolved, only to find that they were just as bad as ever. We are a second time around couple with 3 girls and now a collection of 7 grandchildren between them all. This was my biological daughter’s wedding. She is my only child.
So I guess you can say that I had a major ‘blue’ period for the 2 weeks following the wedding weekend. I consider myself to be a really strong person and it really rocked me. Actually we are still reeling from the discovery that we have basically lost one daughter for reasons we can only assume because she does not want to communicate with us. Something has been brewing in her and her husband (they have 3 children) for over 10 years and it showed its face over the weekend. Not nice is all I can say.
In a way I get a slightly annoyed with girls who trash their wedding day because some little thing didn’t quite go their way, yes we had those too (eg, the ribbon on my daughters bouquet was pure white and her dress off white), who cares.
But there are also girls that have to deal with some deep issues and we need to keep a perspective on that.
There is nothing anyone can say that will make the hurt I feel go away, I still feel hurt. I know that I am the only one who can deal with it by rationalising the options I have control over. I cannot make this child love us or care for us if she dosen’t want to. But it still hurts both myself and my husband.
Thanks for giving me this opportunity, I think I really needed it. This is the amazing benefit of being a member of The Bee.
Post # 13
@louvelove: While I agree that it’s ridiculous for women to be upset about the wedding being over, I don’t agree that “blues” can only be attributed to hormones.
Post # 14
I agree with points made above that the wedding is a stepping stone to marriage, and brides should be happy after the wedding because they’re left with a marriage.
BUT, taking something that you’ve invested a lot of time and energy into (wedding planning), and having that not be part of your life anymore, can legitimately induce a case of the blues, absolutely.
I’m planning on jumping into planning a house we’re going to build, so I’ll have another project after our wedding is over, in addition to the other things in life I enjoy (going to the gym, being outside/hiking/canoeing/kayaking/camping, gardening, being with my friends, reading, etc…), but I think I will kinda miss wedding planning too. And that might bum me out someitmes. I’m not asking for sympathy, but I am saying I can empathize.
Post # 16
I didn’t have “post wedding blues” becasue I was sad the planning was over. Heck, I was so happy we weren’t saving for a wedding anymore! I was so happy to actually be married! It had NOTHING to do with the wedding day being over. I had a weird emotional rollercoaster ride a few weeks after the wedding because I was FINALLY processing everything that happened the week of the wedding. It was so bizzare. My husband and I got married and moved (with the Army) 4 weeks after getting married. I was not only preparing myself to be a military wife, having to quit my dream job, move from the the place I loved but I was now married! Not to mention the week of the wedding we had 4 sets of parents, aunts/uncles/ 20 combined siblings (yes, no lie) in town and it all happened the week of Christmas. It was just a very intense week and in order to make it through the fast and furious parties/celebrations and wedding itself, I had to push pretty much any emotion down and I didn’t have time to process them until AFTER the wedding. It was intense and confusing. But I can say it had NOTHING to do with being sad that I wasn’t planning a wedding anymore =)