(Closed) Stop it with the "post-wedding blues" (closed)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@louvelove:  Just going to throw this out there, there are forms of depression that are mild, temporary and can go away on their own. The diagnosis is Depression- not otherwise specified. This means that although it might not be severe enough to be classified as Major Depressive, or any of the other forms, but it is infact a real thing.

Big stress inducing events, Weddings, preformances etc, release neurotrsansmitters, such as dopamine and seratonin ( Yeah, that’s not spelled right). Once these events are over, and the body is no longer flooded with these brain chemicals, this can and will produce a temporary form of depression. 

Post # 48
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I deleted someone I made friends with through our wedding month board for this type of childish behavior. She just went on and on about how depressed she was and how life didn’t have any meaning since the wedding planning is over. I offered (privately) that perhaps it was time to consult a psychologist since “post-wedding blues” isn’t a real clinical problem.

She threw a fit! She screamed and carried on about how my wedding wasn’t the meaningful experience hers was – blah, blah, blah. Whatever…

Post # 49
Member
8700 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

After finishing a performance, actors frequently get “post show blues”

If a wedding is a million times more important than any play, why is it wrong to get “post wedding blues”

Post # 50
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@imalittlebirdie:  Yep. When I was diagnosed with depression, the doctor called it something like ‘endogenous’ depression – as in, there was no specific cause. So the official diagnosis was “major depressive disorder”. I think people can suffer from some of the same symptoms of depression when there is a cause, but they don’t call it major depressive disorder.

Post-wedding blues is obviously not in the same league as post-natal depression and the like, but it is a temporary state where people experience some similar symptoms to people with diagnosed depression. However, I’m also not a fan of throwing around serious mental health diagnoses to describe normal emotions – you are not ‘bipolar’ if you sometimes feel sad and sometimes feel happy, for example.

Post # 51
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@LIKE-A-BOSS:  After reading your responses and the responses of 

View original reply
@louvelove:  , I’d like to ask what type of Psychologist are you studying to become or what is your field of specialty? I’d also like to ask if you’ve taken any courses on feminist discourse or ethnic studies? The original point of the post (which was to prompt women to consider using different terminology to describe a  period of time after wedding planning where we may experience sadness, so that society (people) will not misconstrue these expressions as a “woman’s  illness” or contribute to the stereotype of women as unstable emotional creatures) was not aimed at telling people how to feel or belittling women for  the emotions they experience after wedding planning. 

Furthermore, I’d like to say that @louvelove was correct when she stated that words have meaning and these meanings were derived for reasons. Women may and they can, go around claiming that they are experiencing depression after their wedding. However, unless they are clinically diagnosed with depression, they may or may not be depressed and may just be using this terminology as a FILLER for how they really feel (I.e., sadness, anxious, bored, alone).

This may not SEEM to be a problem, but there are oppressive systems (I’d love to share the lliterature) that have led society to deem women as unintelligent, irrational, childlike creatures  because of our seemingly reliance on our emotions(we ALL knows this is NOT true), however when we create terminology or use terminology that adds to these stereotypes about women (such as postwedding blues) then a problem arises and we as women are adding to the perpetual stereotypes (rather knowingly or unknowingly).

Just my understanding, from one Psychologist to another. 

Post # 52
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@SimplyKia:  Adult clinical with hybrid research in the social and clinical realms dealing with cognitive biases (levels of self-awareness and honesty) impeding the ability (and thus, qualifying the different levels of need for therapy between individuals) to cope with traumatic life events.  Most of my publications have been looking at the mechanisms of DBT in BPD.   My post-doctoral work is set to be within the specialty of diagnostic neuropsychology.  One of my bachelors is in philosophy, specifically ethics and values—so, yes, I am plenty familiar with feminist arguments and the weight of terminology, and I am inclined to say that the OP’s posts do not make good examples of either.

 

As I’ve explained before, a wedding is not female-specific, so I don’t give much weight to this phenomenon degrading the image of women as men may experience it too.  Even if it could degrade the image of women, I am not in the camp that believes every woman needs to fight this battle nor do I believe that we should go out of our way to ensure that the misguided do not become so.  (Although, this is beside the point as the OP changed her focus to say she is more worried about degrading the seriousness of depression, not women’s image.)  What I do believe is that people can describe their feelings in whatever way that they feel like (within reason), and it is not up to anyone to dictate to them how serious their feelings are unless they know the whole story (which a name of a phenomenon does not give).

Post # 53
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@littlebeanpole:   Oh I completely agree, but when I read the OP, I took it to mean that ” the blues” are not and  cannot be a thing.  And anyone claiming to be is just misatributing sadness etc, or just looking for attention. 

I think invaidating something like this is not a good thing to do. 

I agree with the bi polar, bit. That diagnosis is turning in to the adult version of ADD, where people are mis diagnsosed with it. There was talk that they fixed the criterion in the DSM V , but I haven’t seen it yet.

Post # 55
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@LIKE-A-BOSS:  well, although you have painted the picture of a well versed scholar and you are familiar with feminist discourse, I am almost certain that because it is not your specialty, you are probably not as familiar as you think with the literature and frameworks discussed that focus on feminist theory (as someone who researchers in this specialty or has a PhD in a related  field). That is not to say your points are not valid, however that is saying that someone in the field and someone outside of the field may look at a subject entirely different due to knowledge base. 

 

 

 

No one said a wedding was female-specific, however a look in wedding magazines, on television, on wedding websites, and inside of bridal shops paint an entirely different picture. The majority of data, advertisements, and “latest style” wedding blogs, are generally targeted towards women, because society dictates that weddings ARE gender specific (despite TWO people being involved in the union). So, although you and I may understand that weddings are not gender specific that does not mean that society (and we are people functioning in a larger society with historical systems of oppression and misrepresentations) does. Also, YOU don’t have to give much weight to this “camp” (I don’t agree with this terminology either) however there are TONS of scholars and civilians that may not give much weight to your “camp.” either. So this point really does not add meaning (in my opinion) to your response and it by no way means that the issue or idea being raised is insignificant or not worthy of being mentioned. Furthermore, NOONE is begging you or any other woman on this board to join this “battle” (As you  call it; I prefer intellectual enlightenment, but to each its own). However as a scholar, you should understand the value of being exposed to differing viewpoints (such as the one I am conveying about terminology usage and the consequences this may have for the image of women in society) and information in order to make an informed decision/viewpoint. If we all conducted research with one side of the issue or never took the chance to expand our knowledge base, then our research may become the summation of insignificant biases or fail to see the connections within the larger system (some of the traumatic experiences you encounter during your research or clinical assessments may be related to larger systems of oppressions  some of your female patients experience; please bear in mind this is just a quick example. I’d have to actually read your research to give a more elaborate example). Furthermore, my original statements werebbased off of the original post. I understand that the OP retracted or changed her mind, but that does not discredit the point she originally was trying to make. Lastly, everyone is entitled to their opinion. You clearly have your mind made up and that is perfectly fine, however as a scholar you are most likely aware that sharing your opinion does not invalidate my opinion. 

 

 

 

Thanks for your discourse!

 

 

ETA: I value consistency and I try to remove bias language from my vocabulary or confront the issue when I choose to use this language. In my post, I was only referring to heterosexual couples. Thus, I failed to acknowledge other types of relationships or make it clear that despite the sexuality or lifestyle of a couple being married, wedding information is STILL stereotyped as being WOMAN SPECIFIC. 

 

Post # 56
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t know about the terminology, because I haven’t heard it, but what I don’t get is how people are “blue” after the wedding. I think it’ll be flipping fantastic when I don’t have to do this planning anymore! And be MARRIED! I think many people get so caught up in wedding, they lose sight of the marriage aspect.

Post # 57
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@louvelove:  No problem. No matter how we try and word things, some people just may not grasp the information. However, I am glad that I did grasp the meaning and could try and relay the information.

Post # 59
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@SimplyKia:  You are making too many assumptions about what I know or have considered to invalidate my opinion and I do not appreciate that.  She asked for opinions and I gave mine with repeated support, and I never said she had to change hers or that mine was the universal “right/correct” opinion (just that I think it is).  Whatever the larger social system MAY seem to believe the gendering is of weddings does not mean that I (or many others) live along these beliefs, but that does not mean that I am oblivious to these ideas if I were to have a client affected by them.  I do not presume to know how credible you are, but regardless, I do respect your opinions as I hope you would mine.

 

Also, the passive aggressive move of implying that I “don’t grasp the information” in your comment to OP is very mean girl of you.  However, I also need to apologize for being condescending to

View original reply
@louvelove:  I am sorry for my comments degrading your competency–I do not want to be that person.

 

I think I have beat this horse to death and have put too much effort into what the OP even said (and I agree with) was “someone irked about something stupid.”  This has all gotten out of hand and I want to keep this community a positive place for all of us.

Post # 60
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@louvelove:  I see that you posted something about the time that I last did, but I am respectfully not going to read it because I believe we stopped being productive a long time ago.

The topic ‘Stop it with the "post-wedding blues" (closed)’ is closed to new replies.

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