(Closed) Stop it with the "post-wedding blues" (closed)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@louvelove: While I can respect the impulse to examine our use of language & be conscious of how the language might have unintended negative consequences, I reject the premise that the term “post-wedding blues” explicitly evokes the terms “post-partem depression” and “baby blues.” I have never once made the connection between that phrase and the two gendered phrases you mentioned. I have, however, heard “blues” used to indicate mild depression in many other (non-gendered) contexts. And I think “post-” is used so frequently in other contexts that your agrument connecting it to “post-partem depression” wears extremely thin. I can actually think of no better term to use colloquially to indicate that one is feeling a little down after creating a big event. Can you? I’d argue that most contexts in which “blues” is used to indicate one’s mood are tonally very similar to what is intended when brides speak of “post-wedding blues”: “singing the blues,” “feelin’ blue” “Monday morning blues,” “post-show blues” (after a show closes, this is used to describe the let-down) etc. None of these indicate severe depression, and in fact, if someone spoke of their severe depression as “blues” I would think that they were being insincere about their condition or trying to lighten the mood. The connotations of “blues” are light enough that I don’t think there’s a problem with this in the same way as occurs (as someone else pointed out) when someone uses the term “bipolar” to indicate that they are experiencing mood swings.

 

 

 

Also, wow, I can appreciate the intellectual exercise that you are engaging in, but your response to 

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Natinat6 was WAY out of line, to the extent that it almost caused me to disregard everything else you’ve written. Not only was it extremely insensitive to the poster’s experience, but I didn’t appreciate how you proceeded to call her out for trivializing mental illness BY TRIVIALIZING A MENTAL ILLNESS YOURSELF (PTSD). You have no right, knowledge, or authority to pass judgment on another person’s trauma & what constitutes “real” PTSD based on what you deem “true trauma.” Obviously this is an open forum, so you may do what you wish, but you should be aware that in engaging in this type of discourse, you are undermining your (very interesting & potentially productive) arguments for me and potentially for others as well.

 

 

 

Maybe this is just a tactical issue, but I find little value in trying to police or belittle the way that people express their very real emotions, whether or not you agree with the language that they use to express them. If I may insert myself into the conversation, I think this is what 

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LIKE-A-BOSS was trying to get at in her response. It’s one thing to say “Hey! I think that this language we use to describe a real phenomenon has unintended negative repercussions! Do you agree? What can or should we do about this? How can we create more nuanced language to talk about these issues?” and it’s another thing to say “This language is wrong, don’t use hyperbole because it’s harmful/obnoxious/there are worse situations in the world/etc.” 

 

 

 

I am all for creating more nuanced tools to express ourselves, but I don’t think that’s ever achieved by trying to silence each other, or by taking away what little language we have to describe our circumstances & belittling those who feel the need to express themselves with that language. It’s about enlightening people to the full range of consequences housed by their language, and inspiring people to create alternatives that are less harmful. If, of course, you believe that the current language is harmful (which as I argued in my first paragraph, I am not convinced it is).

 

 

 

Post # 64
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@louvelove:  You really need to learn when to stop. The main point of all your posts has been ‘I think’. Ever heard the term ‘opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one’. Yeah- this. You’re acting like a pitt bull without a leash. Simmer down.

Post # 65
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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@louvelove:   Whoa, whoa. So what your saying is, anyone who says they have post- weddin. Blues is looking for attention, and/ was Olny in the wedding for the wedding not the marriage?  That their feelings are not valid because there are people with ” real” feelings and  real disorders so therefor theirs are at best insignifcant and at worse selfish and make believe?

 

Then because someone mentioned the Boston bombings and they may have PTSD, becuse she was either their or very close, she doesn’t get to label her feelings because you are tired of giving sympathy because people may or may not deserve it in your opinion, anI unless you died or are missing a body part you have no right to be trumatied?  Do I have that right?

 

Post # 66
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

 

@louvelove: If you are going to be so particular about definitions and the implications of someone’s word choices, perhaps you should also consider how tone can color what you say. I have found that your tone is drowning out the meanings of your words. I can’t hear what you’re saying because of your voice is so ugly.

I feel bad that you’re out of sympathy.  Do I get annoyed with people who post on here looking for sympathy for what we might describe as ‘first world problems’? Of course I do. Is it minutia? Yes. But that is what a large part of this website is about. If I were in your position, I’d be more self-reflective and look at what I would consider to be your own first world problems- what is motivating you to take the amount of time that you have to yell at people on the internet who want to identify their feelings after their wedding as the ‘blues’.  I’m not you so obviously I can’t tell you what to do.  You have been more than happy to tell the rest of us what to do/how to describe our feelings so I thought I’d return the favor.

Also, if you are going to tell me not to be inflammatory/over dramatic, why not leave the conversation about Boston and rich/white privilege out of it?  Good luck on your wedding and hopefully you won’t get the post wedding blues yourself…even though it would be ironic and kind of funny.

Post # 69
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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@louvelove:   Too bad that’s not a diagnosis anymore. I’d talk to your psychiatrist if I were you.  Narrasistic personaity disorder is what absorbed HPD.  I am so sorry.

 

Post # 70
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@louvelove:  You’re right.  My ignorance and willingness to pay $5 for a beer is to blame for all of this.  I actually think it’s a blessing that I was there instead of a door down.  This is getting boring so I’ll be on my way.  Have fun.

Post # 71
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

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@louvelove:  Holy hell, you are an awful person. That last post was just… seriously SO UNCALLED FOR.

Post # 72
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

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@Natinat6:  Just wanted to say, I’m very glad you’re okay and I wish you all the best with processing the events from last week and your personal healing from such a traumatic experience. Your feelings and experiences are not invalid just because an internet bully says so – you seem smart enough to realize that, but I think you should know it anyway.

Post # 73
Member
11734 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I mostly just want to know why on these boards it is generally felt that you cannot plan a big, awesome, exciting party for your wedding and also be focused on and realize the importance of the marriage that follows?! Those two things are NOT mutually exclusive!

As for the initial topic, I think post-wedding blues or a feeling of disappointment that the incredibly emotional day they’ve been waiting for for so long is now over is pretty normal. I also think no one should be saysing they won’t get the “blues” if they haven’t even gotten married yet.  I also don’t think anyone is trying to compare “post wedding blues” to post partum depression. 

Post # 74
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@MissCalifornia:  +1 on both points.

 

 

Post # 75
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The OP has deactivated and this thread has some people really upset (I’m so sorry!) so I’m going to close it now.

The topic ‘Stop it with the "post-wedding blues" (closed)’ is closed to new replies.

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