(Closed) Stop Saying its All About the Bride!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Might he have been joking?  I heard comments like that during planning, but it was primarily just in jest/good fun.

Post # 4
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park

I’m totally with you. What did I, the bride, want? I wanted a simple courthouse wedding with a fun honeymoon. What did Mr. SD ask me for? A huge hometown bash. So, I’m giving it to him. He helps, a little bit. But I work from home and make my own hours, so I really have all the free time (and organizational skills) to get it done. I try to ask him on things he wants, his opinions on my ideas, and all he wants to give me are the general ideas and have me handle all the details. So here we are, bride in charge of executing groom’s big vision. But of course, it’s ALL about the bride!

Post # 5
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think he meant it meanly. I’ve had several people make the same joke to me and thought nothing of it. Its just a funny and EASY joke to make. However I will say that I do get aggravated when people make comments about how its MY day, or I’m the Bride, because I don’t think its just about me, nor do I think its just about US, I feel like my wedding is about family and combining our two into one. Just MHO.

Post # 6
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yeah our officiant says this to us all the time “It’s whatever you/she wants” but it doesn’t bother me at all. I know we are doing this together and that’s all that really matters.

Post # 7
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@sand dollar: I feel you. I wanted a small 40-50 person wedding if that. He didn’t want to leave anyone out. So now I am stressed out planning for 140 people.

Post # 8
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think maybe you should cut the caterer some slack, people in the wedding industry seem to make that joke all the time. As long as you know you are not some limelight hogging bridezilla, and he hasn’t said anything to indicate that you are, I don’t think it is really that big of a deal at all.

Post # 9
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with plantains.

Post # 10
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I can understand your frustrations.  I feel that sometimes here in the WB that gets thrown around too.  I am sure he didn’t mean it in a negative way.  Most men think they are doing women a favor when they agree to our every whim.  I too am doing a lot of the leg work, but when push comes to shove, Fiance and I discuss everything before making a decision or signing a contract.  Truth is, the wedding day is about a couple and their love.  Don’t let this guy ruin your day.

Post # 11
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Vendors said that to me and it didn’t bother me. Even though he actually cared a LOT about all the little details and really weighed in on all decisions, Darling Husband looked totally bored if not half asleep in all our vendor meetings. He just can’t pay attention for that long and the vendors mistook it for him not caring. I knew I had to take good notes in order to reiterate everything to him after the meeting because he actually did want it to be about ‘him’ too.

I think it’s just good business sense to treat the bride as though she is pulling the strings, I wasn’t offended.

Post # 12
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

oh yeah that stuff bothered me too but it’s based on a stereotype and isn’t necessarily negative.  But honestly, the truth is the wedding kind of IS all about the bride… whether we want it that way or not.  You’re guy is awesome for tagging along with you and being supportive but my guess is he’s good with whatever choices you make.  Girls just care about this stuff more than guys and vendors know that.  It would def bother me tho when people would say things like that because I tried to include my husband in as many decisions as possible, and his opinion meant alot to me even if it didn’t mean alot to him lol!  There was a situation that really bothered me at our Stock the Bar Party (a couples shower where our friends give us bottles of alcohol to literally stock our home bar lol)  My BM’s boyfriend had wanted to get us bourbon (he and my hubby are both from kentucky, an obvious choice) but she over-rode him and they gave us some weird pre-mixed mojito crap cuz she knows i like mojiots (yes, but REAL ones) and she told him they had to b/c it’s all about me!  He told me about this (i could tell just from the fact that he was telling me this and from his tone they must have gotten into a tiff about it… she can be overbearing if that’s not obvious) and when he said that i was like “…well, it’s about us…”  I was offended that she disregarded my husband so easily like he was a side bar to the whole thing, and to boot made her Boyfriend or Best Friend feel bad about wanting to get us something we actually would have liked much better than what we got! 

Post # 13
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

While I understand EXACTLY what you mean, I think you’re over reacting just a tad. I really don’t think he meant to be rude or offending. Some people simply have this idea in their head that weddings are all about brides & what they want. But I also think a lot of vendors know that as a bride you probably will be making most decisions; just for the fact that some grooms are so bored by meetings & usually don’t have an input either way (that’s my Fiance anyway, “Yeah babe, that’s cool. Whatever you think”).

Along the same lines, I get SO sick of hearing women say, “This is MY day. This is all about ME & what I want”…uuuuh, no!

Post # 14
Member
14568 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Well, if you were talking about it with your Fiance “sat silently in the back”, I would have guessed that it was more your desire than his anyways, otherwise he would have been up there with you discussing the plans. 

The blanket statement is probably true more often than not – theres a post and poll somewhere here about how much help or input bee’s FIs had.  I’m pretty sure the majority said that Fiance didn’t help plan much at all = guy doesnt really care, it IS the brides day.  Fiance has said that to me a ton, its “anything I want”, “my day”, he just wants to be married.  I wouldnt have taken offense to that at all.  And I while I think i say “we” most the time cause its “our” day, in reality I should be saying “I want”.

Post # 16
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t know how many times I heard the phrase: “Happy wife, happy life!” while planning.  Many many times.  From almost every vendor.  The assumption being that if I wasn’t happy with something, my Darling Husband would be the one “paying for it” later.  We both found that ironic, because if I wasn’t happy about something, the VENDOR was the one who would hear about it, not Darling Husband.  So we just gave sideways glances and giggled everytime we heard that.

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