(Closed) stop smoking or I walk down the isle myself?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 62
Member
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@carlypaige:  FH’s mom is a smoker and so is his brother.  It’s a very touchy subject that is going to be a real problem for us when we have children.

As an ex smoker I can tell you for sure, you can’t make someone quit, they have to want to.  End of story.

Post # 63
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I am also strongly opposed to smoking; however, an adult is an adult and they have the right to control their own body.

Although I would be worried about my parent’s health too, I personally cannot expect to impose my wishes on them and threaten to walk down the aisle alone.

Post # 66
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m really saddened for your parents. Quitting is hard and of course cigarettes are terrible but they are doing NOTHING wrong but hurting themselves. To blackmail them for it seems petty and upsetting. I only pray my child doesn’t hold such resentment for something so trivial.

Post # 67
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@carlypaige: I wouldn’t do that, but you probably could do it if you have kids. As it’s within your right to not have them around smoke. Even if people smoke outside you can smell the smoke on them, it’s so gross.

My grandma smoked for YEARS and she quit when I was born. Cold turkey. She said she wanted to be around to see her grandchildren (I was the first). 

 

Post # 68
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

There are so many options out there to help from medications, to nicotine replacement and such, so I think that asking them to make an effort is completely ok. I get that its hard, but not accepting help removes the sympathy I have for them.

I wouldn’t try to punish them, but this may be a good time to point out that it is bad for the health of those around them and tell them they are not welcome to smoke around you. I would also point out that they might want to work on this now, before they aren’t able to spend time with their pregnant daughter or grandkids. Make it an issue of health for you and your family.

 

Post # 71
Hostess
5622 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Both of my parents smoke, and both of them are walking me down the aisle.

I wouldn’t force them to smoke over my wedding, they should want to do it for their own health.

Post # 72
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@carlypaige:  I would think asking them would be a nice gesture, but to tell them they can’t walk you down the aisle?  That’s a bit harsh to me.  My fiance used to be a smoker and his whole family is and I have family that smoke too and it is an addiction.  It’s not something that they can just give up and be okay.  I also believe that you should accept your parents for who they are, that is their choice to smoke, you don’t have to agree with it or like it, but you should respect their decisions and not make it so difficult for them.  They love you and care about you and I’m sure you love them as well if you didn’t you didn’t want them to stop smoking.

Post # 73
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You’re going to have to close this thread. Doesn’t seem like they are reading your updates!

Post # 74
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@carlypaige:  I see your update, but I can see how this is going to end. 

Chances are they probably won’t quit (sorry, but probably true). And you’ll just end up being disappointed and take it personally (which it isn’t).

It was unfair of you to even bring THEIR smoking into your wedding in the first place. One has nothing to do with the other. 

They will quit when they want and not a moment sooner, no amount of coercing and pleading and bribing on your part will change that. 

 

Source – I have smoked for 17 years, and I’ve tried every method to quit.. The only sure-fire way to get me to quit is pregnancy.. Anything else, Forget it.

Post # 75
Member
7846 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I’m glad your parents agreed, but I tend to agree that they likely will be unsuccessful. If that is the case, don’t force you and them to miss out on something important (a big role in your wedding) because of it. I guarantee you that if and when you lose your parents, you will regret following through on such an ultimatum. 

Loving your parents and having them be involved in your wedding doesn’t mean you condone their smoking, but giving them an ultimatum likely will not work. I hope that they can quit over the winter, but don’t try to force the issue if they cannot. 

Post # 76
Member
796 posts
Busy bee

@carlypaige:  ohhhh, no! I don’t go much for the emotional blackmail, and despite your best intentions, that is exactly what this looks like. You don’t want to look back and remember your wedding as one where you walked yourself down the aisle – that is something you can never take back and do over, and in years to come, I think you would really regret it. You can’t make someone quit something they’re not ready to, and holding your walk down the aisle for ransom would probably break their hearts.

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