(Closed) Stop telling me how to raise my baby! (LONG)

posted 4 years ago in Parenting
Post # 31
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I know this wasn’t supposed to be a funny post, but I found it hilarious.  Between the excessive text  messages from your mom and the conversation with your grandma about the poop, I really can’t tell which one is worse.  These ladies are bonkers! I’m sure you know that all of their unsolicited advice is coming from a place of love.  Just remember that everytime you want to freak out on them.  Just continue to do what you’re doing.  You seem to be doing a great job as a mom.  Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. 

Post # 32
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just to add to the numerous posts to say you are doing a great job! You know what your baby needs and you’re giving it to him! I’m sure if he needed burping every 2oz you would do so. You are following his cues and doing what he needs. 

 

By The Way how long was the gap between those messages repeating themselves about the burping? To text someone constantly about the same thing is crazy. I see you have an iPhone – have you thought of putting do not disturb on her texts?

 

My daughter is 15 weeks and a very warm baby. She gets hot very easily. My Mother-In-Law is obsessed with her being too cold. 

 

It’s difficult to know what advice to give but I would say just keep shutting them down every time they say negative things or tell you what to do. Say “No. I am his mother not you.”

Post # 33
Member
276 posts
Helper bee

I totally get how obnoxious it is because my mom is overbearing too and a know it all. But, your choices are to speak up and set boundaries or deal with it gracefully. 

Post # 36
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

BakerBee16:  well done! I agree that Mamaw shouldn’t be around you at the moment. She needs to trust you’re doing right by Hudson and how dare she say you don’t care for him. I think I remember you writing about her in previous posts so I know this isn’t a one-off. I woild definitely put her on low/no contact. 

Post # 37
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

This is absolutely insane!  You are one month postpartum, every day is a damn marathon.  I would seriously lose my shit and my mom and Mother-In-Law do not offer any unsolicited advice.  My Mother-In-Law didn’t understand why I eped but she didn’t question me when I was doing that.  And I’m sorry but I wouldn’t ever let your mom watch him if she’s doing that with the layers, many babies died of sids due to people not understanding baby don’t need to be bundled!  

Post # 38
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

BakerBee16:  

You are doing a wonderful job as a mom.

I myself have a wee one and the first few months took a lot of work to get thru. I had ‘advice’ coming from all sides and it was frustrating. To the point where I just shut off my phone and my Darling Husband handled all calls when I didn’t respond. They got the hint after when I told them advice would be asked for- maybe a bit more harshly with some people.

It takes a little getting used to. Talk to your doctor, friends, family if needed. But just remember you are doing a wonderful job <3

Post # 39
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Omg those texts!!!  Just for badness I would text her back a bunch of different texts in a row saying I’m going to burp him after these 2 ounces ….oh look I burped him after 2 ounces ….I’m going to burp him again, MOM I GET IT ….. No matter how many times you say it “burp him, burp him, Burp him,burp him”…  I’m not blind and dumb I can read you only have to see it once!!

Post # 40
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

Your grandma’s a fucking bitch.

Post # 41
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

BakerBee16:  He is adorable! You HAVE to establish some boundaries. My mother and mother in law did this to me in the beginning but my mother in law lives far away so it’s easier to manage. My mom literally acts as if she was mother of the year 25 years ago and I should listen to anything she says. Again you have to say something to the affect of “I know you mean well but you are driving me crazy and making me feel awful. Back off!” It is not ok for them to shove their opinion down your throat constantly. You might have to continue saying these types of things for years. My mom STILL acts like this sometimes. I was just thinking Sunday I would have to tell her again to back off yet again. Hang in there the hormones after pregnancy make you super sensitive to this kind of thing, not to mention sleep depervation and just overall trying to do your best at your most important job.  

Post # 42
Member
9504 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would lose my shit if people were texting me that much all day with an infant. You are doing a great job.

I had a baby in July, and my Mother-In-Law was full of horribly outdated “advice” for me. I just stopped telling her anything that I might be having difficulties with. Eventually she stopped offering advice when it became apparent I didn’t need it. Even if she was waking up every hour at night, I would still tell her everything was going great! lol

Post # 43
Member
2967 posts
Sugar bee

I have only three pieces of advice (unsolicited of course). 

1.  After about two weeks you become an expert in your own child.  Other people don’t know your child as well as you do. 

2.  Everyone I have known who has had one of those cupboards (or sets of drawers) with a diaper mat on the top has had a child who has explored the force of gravity.  In one case the baby plummeted head first from the top of the cupboard into the waste paper basket.  I mention this just in case you have bought such an item of furniture.

3.  You don’t get a baby.  You get a person.  It is worth remembering this especially when people think that what worked with their children will work with your child.

 

Our daughter is now a teenager but I remember that as a baby she didn’t burp (not even with an experienced health visitor patting her back), refused to use a potty (we had to get a special tiny toilet seat), always had to be held upright facing outwards (we would tell people this, they would ignore us and then wonder why our daughter then cried), and did not respond well to being left to cry in her cot at bedtime (in the end we resorted to talking to her and then gradually backing out of the room). 

All advice on these issues from well-meaning people failed.  In fact she had a clear preference for nervous adults who had never handled a baby before to overconfident adults who tried to engage her in ‘baby talk’. 

Post # 44
Member
6292 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

BakerBee16:  Wow. I commiserate girl. People be crazy. You’re doing s great job and that baby is adorable!

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