Post # 1
My bridesmaids (MOH in particular) went all out with planning, paying for and hosting me a lovely bridal shower 2 weeks ago. They took a while to plan it, bought nice prizes for fun games, favors, decorations, etc. I truly appreciated it and everyone thought it was a wonderful event! It was in my hometown, so my mom helped to coordinate the hall and paid for open bar and helped with planning as well. I know it took them a while to plan and I thought it was the best time ever!
My issue here is, my Future Mother-In-Law decided that she would host a bridal shower for me in her town as well. I said its not necessary, but I would appreciate that so I could get to know her family more before the big day (and her as well since we aren’t particularly close). Well, come to find out she has been contacting my Maid/Matron of Honor and a couple of my fiance’s cousins (who don’t know me) to plan the whole thing because she doesn’t think its “appropriate” for the mother of the groom to plan it (she would just provide her house as the location). I was very annoyed by this because my Maid/Matron of Honor went above and beyond as the “ringleader” at my shower I already had. I feel embrrassed that my Future Mother-In-Law is asking her to plan the whole thing (send out invites, buy favors, etc.). My Maid/Matron of Honor is too nice to say no, shes not going to help. Myself and my fiance have both told my Future Mother-In-Law that we don’t think she should involve my Maid/Matron of Honor or people who don’t even know me to plan another shower. She doesn’t listen though and keeps contacting my Maid/Matron of Honor with details, saying she wants the invites out by Friday (I have no idea why my Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t just say no! My Future Mother-In-Law can be quite rude and demanding).
Bees, does anyone have any advice on what I can do? I’ve tried telling my Future Mother-In-Law, but I don’t think she will listen. Am i being unreasonable to think that I don’t want my Maid/Matron of Honor to plan another shower? My Maid/Matron of Honor is clearly annoyed by this.
Post # 4
I don’t know – it is always tough when people can’t take no for an answer. Your Maid/Matron of Honor needs to just say no to helping you Future Mother-In-Law. I mean she ALREADY hosted a shower for you. I would say if your Future Mother-In-Law wants to host a 2nd one, she can go for it, but your Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t need to be apart of the planning. Have you flat out told her this?
Post # 5
Tell your Maid/Matron of Honor to make it clear to your Future Mother-In-Law that she is not planning another shower.
Tell your Future Mother-In-Law that your Maid/Matron of Honor is not planning another shower.
If the Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t send out invitations there will be no other shower unless your Future Mother-In-Law finally takes responsibility herself.
Post # 6
If your Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t have the ability to stand up for herself and say no, then I guess she needs to go on over the the store and start shopping.
Post # 7
@star282: Your Future Mother-In-Law is your Fiance blessing to deal with. He needs to tell his mother that your Maid/Matron of Honor has already thrown you a lovely shower, at her own expense, and if your mother would like to throw a shower she will have to do so at HER own expense. It shouldn’t be left to you… and DEFINITELY shouldn’t be left to your poor Maid/Matron of Honor… to deal with this woman. I would tell my Fiance to talk to his mother and I would call my Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her we’re taking care of it and to block FMIL’s number because she doesn’t have to deal with her anymore.
Post # 8
@star282: So let me get this straight: you Future Mother-In-Law wants to “throw” you a shower…but actually have the Maid/Matron of Honor do the dirty work while she takes credit?
Post # 9
Maybe her intentions are a little bit more strictly etiquette related. You know, the whole traditional idea that family can’t host showers, but she wants you to have one with her side, but she feels bound by etiquette to have your Maid/Matron of Honor plan it.
Which is a bunch of crap, if I do say so myself.
Your Maid/Matron of Honor needs to stand up to the palte and say no. By her saying yes, your Future Mother-In-Law will take it as a go-ahead. If she says no, Future Mother-In-Law will have to re-evaluate what to do.
Post # 10
How awkward. I feel for your MOH- surely she doesn’t want to come off as lazy/rude/cheap by telling your Future Mother-In-Law that she will not put together another shower. I like the idea of getting your Fiance to shut this thing down. I was going to suggest another way for you to approach your Future Mother-In-Law, but having your Fiance put his foot down seems like the best way to handle it. I’m sure you’ve done this, but please re-assure your Maid/Matron of Honor that you loved your shower and that you have no intention of having her do the work for another one.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone! The thing is, my Fiance has told his mom about 5 times that we don’t want/need another shower and to leave my Maid/Matron of Honor out of it. My Future Mother-In-Law is clearly not listening though…I’m typing up a strongly worded, but polite, email letting her know that this shower is not the responsibility of my Maid/Matron of Honor. If she wants the credit for the shower, then she can throw it herself.
I appreciate the input – I’ll let you know how it turns out!