(Closed) Stopped wearing the promise ring… and he hasn’t even noticed!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

Probably not much help, but after 10 years, you have every right to nag, lol.

Post # 4
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Guys don’t generally notice things like that, so if you are feeling fed up and frustrated, the only way he’ll ever know is if you tell him.

What about something along the lines of “I’ve loved the last ____ that we’ve been together, and am ready to take the next step in our relationship. Do you think you will be ready for that soon?

Then maybe you can come up with a definite timeframe that you are both comfortable with.

Post # 5
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry he hasn’t noticed, but guys don’t really notice those types of things. It was 10 years for us too, but it was because he would ask me and I would say no, then when I was ready, he wasn’t. Finally, last year, I decided I was ready and decided I wouldn’t back out this time, so I wrote him a note on April Fool’s Day and included it in his lunch. It said: “Do you still want to marry me? Check yes or no.” Then I had two check boxes, one with yes and one with no. He checked yes and gave it back to me after he got home from work. A couple days later though, he remembered that it was April Fool’s Day and asked me if I was joking. I laughed a little, but told him that I was serious, so that weekend we went to look at engagement rings and found the one, and he proposed to me again in the jewelry store. I still find myself getting cold feet, but I know that he is the one and that we will be very happy spending the rest of our lives together.

Maybe do something like I did. He may think you are perfectly happy the way you are. He may not know that you are ready. Let him know that you are and I am sure everything will fall into place for you.

Post # 6
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Dang, 10 years?!*%@$*!!!???????  

I have no idea how to bring it to his attention without getting angry.  I’d probably fling the promise ring in his face, and tell him to keep it and that the next ring he gives you better be an engagement ring.  I’m sorry, I feel your frustration here, but I don’t know how to give you any advice.  I just hope you can sit down and talk with him calmly, and hopefully he can give you a timeframe that is SOON!  *hugs*

Post # 7
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

10 years is such a long time to invest in someone, and Im sure the thought of doing anything other than just waiting for him to come around is almost if not just as painful as thinking of waiting.

My suggestion is to go out and do things for yourself. Date YOURSELF. Do things you want to do and if he asks just say you are busy doing XYZ….He needs to realize that you arent just there for him to accept whenever he pleases. I would say something like this…

“I love you and our relationship, I feel sad that we arent engaged or married after 10 years…I want a husband and to have kids, I dont want to pressure you into something you arent ready for, you can take as much time as you need to figure things out but you cant have me to yourself…”

NOTICE that i said I want “A” husband not “YOU TO BE MY HUSBAND” or “TO HAVE KIDS WITH YOU”….this CANNOT be about wanting it with him, as hard as that may sound…it has to be what you want…regardless. Everything said is about YOU…it doesnt blame him either, which is what usually starts fights. The conversation could go many ways…but seriously, I think its the best tool you have…all you have to do is stick to it.

Post # 8
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I disagree about the statment ‘guys dont notice things like that.’  I know my Fiance would notice, but every guy is different.

Personally, I would bring it up in a calm (as calm as you can) manner, put the ring on the table and say “You gave me this promise ring, intending it as a promise. We’ve been together for X years and I think it is time that we make that promise a reality.  Do you envision getting married to me in your future, because in my future, I see that we are happily married.  If you don’t see this also, maybe we need to reevaluate our relationship.”   

Post # 9
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@rachaelrobin: My FH would know right away, however my mom could paint the house fuscia and my dad would have no idea, so it depends

Initially 10 years sounds like a long time (and it really is), but are we talking 15-25? or 20-30?

It might be time for that hear to heart without accusations about expectations of the NEAR future.  And know ahead of time what you are willing to compromise or not on.

Post # 10
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

10 YEARS!!!!! You are a saint to wait that long and NOT hit him in the head with a frying pan. I have been with my SO for 5 years, I can’t imagine what 10 years would be like.

I also stopped wearing my promise ring, he noticed but he didn’t ask why. I am prety sure he knows why I have stopped wearing it. I really think you should talk to him about how you are feeling @R.Elliott: said it really well.

Post # 11
Member
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I totally commend you for hanging in there!

Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have friends that were together 10 years at their wedding. I told him from the day of their wedding (we had been together a few weeks) that there was no way I’d wait as long as she did. So there’s a running joke that he’ll only make me wait 9 years .. YA RIGHT!!

 

Post # 12
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

…..whoah.

Can you give us some more details on you and SO/ the relationship? How old are you? What other factors are there (life situations, school, etc.) contributing to your not being engaged/married?

The reason I ask is because ten years *sounds* like an extremely long time, but say you started “dating” when you were say, 13 years old or something and just stayed together this long. That still puts you at a young age, fresh out of college possibly, etc.

Post # 13
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

10 years!  Please tell me this isn’t the first time your’re bringing this up!  Plus “Promise” ring should mean something!

Post # 14
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@littlemissmango: I agree that a little more information is needed. Though 10 years seems to be a long time, regardless.

Post # 15
Member
15 posts
Newbee

I am just heartbroken to hear that youve been waiting TEN YEARS!!! But Im also curious as well from what age to what age? How have you been able to deal with that? I cant imagine being in a relationship that long… You must really love him, I hope he realizes that and marries you pronto!

Post # 16
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

What is 10 years? 13-23? 20-30? 10-20? It really depends on where you are in your life right now. If 10 years was during your adult time, I would be concerned.

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