Post # 1
My husband and I have been married for four months now and we have been together for years. We have both discuss that we want kids in the future however he is really hesitant about it and has been wishy washy back and forth. Which worries me. We were supposed to start conceiving after our wedding but then things changed and he enrolled back into college so I am respecting his decision. He needs to focus on school and will be done before my birth control goes out again. He is just finishing up his degree. My birth control went out in october after 3 years of having it. It is the implant that last 3 years. We have agreed at this point that our time line is once this birth control goes out we will start trying for a family. I got the implanon replaced in october so it goes out october 2020. 2.5 years so not that long. However just the other day he mentioned that I am going to take the depo shot after this runs out and I was confused and said no we agreed to 2.5 years when this runs out. So…..
Where I am left at is once this birth control runs out I am done putting it in my body for awhile my body needs a break I’ve been on it for 8+ years and have not the greatest side effects (bleeding consistently). I am going to make it very very clear to him when I get it removed and will not be sneaky or lie. He will have two options accept it and deal with trying to conceive or wear a condom which he absolutely hates doing. I don’t see him wearing the condom very long or at all. So guys what do you think? And remember I will not be lying to him I have more respect than that. it will be a clear and open conversation that I have already told him and will keep telling him.
Post # 2
What about the pill? Is the issue that your body can’t handle being on birth control anymore? Or is the issue that your Darling Husband is delaying TTC plans?
Post # 3
Does he for sure want kids?
Am I correct in my reading that your BC won’t run out until October 2020? If so I’d say just table this discussion for now. As long as you two are on the same basic page (both wanting kids together in the coming years), I don’t see the need to plan this out exactly right now. You have over 2 years to figure out next steps. So many things can change in that time.
Post # 4
Do not take the depo shot!!!!! Please, bee…don’t do that to your body. I gained tons of weight that I never quite got off and acquired PCOS.
Post # 5
I’m so confused. “He said” you’re going to take the shot? What does that even mean? In what universe is that his right to decide?
Have you sat down to have a serious conversation about when each of you wants to have children? He doesn’t get to be put in charge of everything. It was nice of you to respect his decision to go back to school, but at this point it’s time to have the real conversation about whether or not he plans to have children.
As far as your decision to stop BC – I mean, I still don’t think that’s the best way to conceive a child. If this man doesn’t want kids then you two have some serious stuff to figure out. Having a baby in that scenario sounds like a bad idea.
Post # 6
2.5 years actually is a fairly long time. As pp said, just table the discussion for now and bring it up again in a year or so. Unless of course you’re worried that your husband is gonna ddo a 180 on you and just straigght up never wants kids at all…that warrants more discussion right now. But if it’s a matter of “are we gonna try in 2.5 years or 3 years” – that doesn’t need to be ironed out at this exact moment.
Also, your husband definitely doesn’t get to decide what form of birth control you’ll be using. I would not do the shot – I’ve just heard so many horror stories of women taking months or even years to get their cycles back after the shot. You don’t wanna be dealing with that nightmare when you’re ready to start TTC.
What we did when my bc ran out (but we were still several months shy of wanting to TTC) is we just started using the withdrawal method. I know withdrawal is kinda controversial as a form of BC, but I wanted to give my body time to regulate after being on the pill for so long, and since we knew we wanted kids before too long anyway, we were both ok with the possibility of an oops. It turns out that when Darling Husband doesn’t pull out, I get pregnant very easily (although they dont seem to stick unfortunately, but that’s another story…) – so I’m now a strong believer in withdrawal and that’s what we’ll be doing in the future. I’m never going on BC again.
Post # 7
It sounds like a terrible idea. Deciding to have a child should be a mutual decision that both people go into feeling ready. You need to have a conversation about if and when he really wants kids because demanding to TTC in 2.5 years is not a good idea.
I agree with PPs that he doesn’t get to decide what birth control method you use but there are a lot of options other than implanon, depo, and condoms. I’m curious as to why you chose to continue with a birth control method you have such shitty side-effects with?
Post # 8
You definitely don’t need to be on a birth control that is giving you harmful side effects. I’m a bit unclear if you just got the implant replaced, but if you are bleeding constantly or having other bad side effects you don’t need to leave it in until it runs out. There are other options, including the pill, an IUD (and there’s a non hormonal option), or charting and/or using condoms. Depo is terrible and I don’t recommend it at all.
Bit of a soapbox here, but regardless of when you are ready for a baby don’t let DH’s dislike of condoms force you to be on birth control that is harming you. You guys need to have an open and honest conversation about how your body needs a break from the hormonal bc and decide the best way to prevent pregnancy from there. It’s not solely your job to prevent pregnancy, and if your Darling Husband isn’t willing to understand that he will have to make sacrifices too then he’s being selfish.
Secondarily, you guys definitely need to sit down and discuss the TTC timeline again as it’s clear you’re not both on the same page. But don’t let yourself be talked into staying on a birth control that you know your body needs a break from.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
It doesn’t matter if you’re lying or not – if both parties aren’t on board for a child you absolutely should not bring one into the world!! You’re setting yourselves up for years of resentment towards one another.
With all that said, a lot changes in 2.5 years, so I think this is a non-issue at this point. Talk about it again after a year or so. He probably wants to be done with school and in a stable career so he can financially support the family to the best of his ability.
Post # 10
I would have a frank conversation with your husband about WHY he is being wishy-washy about the decision. Does he feel like he can’t support a child the way he wants right now? Is he questioning whether he wants kids at all? Does he just want to have more time just the two of you? You need to figure out whether the hesitation is due to your current life circumstances, or if it’s something he really feels he doesn’t want to do. It’s a hard conversation, but if he doesn’t ever want kids, and you do…then there are other issues here.
Also, as a labor and delivery RN, PLEASE do not just use condoms as your BC method. You have no idea how many times I have heard the words ” but we used a condom every time!” out of someones mouth after finding out they were pregnant. There are many safe, effective, and minimally hormonal options these days that are easily reversible if you both decide you are ready to conceive!
Good luck with everything and I hope it all works out for you!