Post # 1
I have met my girlfriend a few years ago, and I knew she was the one and she knew I was the one. She wanted to take our relationship to the next level, and I agreed with started having sex (I lost my virginity to her and she lost her to me), until she discovered a new church, and her view on the sex before marriage have charged. Now, She said no more sex until we are married… She is the one that wanted us to start having sex a few years back. I thought she knew what she wanted in our relationship, now I am not sure.
I was planning on proposing to her this year on her birthday, I have started reconsidering my decision. I know she is not cheating on me and I am not planning on cheating on her, she is the only girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with and I want her to be first and the last girl I will ever have sex with.
It has been about 3 months since we have stopped having sex, what do you think I should do?
Post # 2
rocky2018 : I don’t understand why this would make you reconsider proposing if you were already planning to, could you explain?
Post # 3
rocky2018 : If this is just about sex then you are being very douchey!
If this is about her new found faith and changes in her personality/actions then I think you have every right to question if this person is the right person to marry.
Post # 4
zzar45 : At first, I was the one that wanted us to wait until marriage, she persuaded me into doing it, I love her I knew that it would not impact our relationship so I compromised. The way I am processing this situation is, she will change depending on her friends or group of people she is with or she is pushing me into proposing (i know that is wrong of me to assume). And she made it clear that she will NOT compromise.
Post # 5
j_jaye : Sex is not everything, it’s more abour a change in personality since she is the one that wanted sex before marriage.
Post # 6
If you don’t like who she is now then don’t propose. She’s allowed to change her personality and who she is as a person if she wants to and as long as she isn’t hurting you by changing then you should accept her the way she is. If you can’t accept this change then you shouldn’t be getting married and you are right not to propose. Because marriage is hard and people change all The time and not always for the better or the way you would like them to
Post # 7
beejaymes : thank you for the advice, I will take that into consideration.
Post # 8
She’s probably at a stricter church now which really pushes no sex before marriage
Post # 9
missviolet92 : if you were in my position what will you do?
Post # 10
Here is what I’ve gathered:
- This girl lost her virginity to you years ago, and now that she’s changed churches she thinks that was a bad idea
- Years ago you also thought premarital sex was a bad idea
- Now that your girlfriend has come around to your way of thinking, you don’t want to marry her…
- (Logic) = ???
I will not accept you blaming her for “convincing” you to sleep with her – years ago. That was years ago, and furthermore you are responsible for the choices you make. You could have told her no, and explained exactly why, based on religious principles. You did not do this, but you went against your own beliefs just because she “convinced” you and you are still blaming her to this day.
You are supposed to be a religious person and you are with a girl who was virgin when you met her AND she is getting more serious about her religion. Yet somehow you are not happy with this. Nothing is stopping you from proposing tomorrow and marrying her next week, if you really can’t wait several months until a wedding.
If you don’t treat this girl right and you lose her you are not going to find someone like her in a hurry. Your judgement of the next girl will be even harsher, because the next girl you get with is unlikely to be the pure virgin that you want. Then, I guess you will blame someone else for that decision too.
I am more inclined to wish that your girlfriend will find someone better than you.
Post # 11
angelbritney : Thank you for contributing.
- We were both virgin not just her.
- We have already had sex… waiting will change nothing.
- It’s late… her decision would not bring our virginity back.
I do not regret having sex with her because I know she is the ONE… She heard “to know if a guy truly love you say no to sex and if he leaves he never truly loved you” from a seminer she attended in her new church. The fact that she had to test our love lead me into believing that she does not what excatly she want.
I am not perfect and she is not perfect, and being virgin doesnt make an individual perefect… I love her for a persnality. (unfortunately, she is not here to tell her side of story) And, Yes you are right! I will never find a girl like her and I would like to think I have been a great boyfriend so far (may be she will never find someone like me).
Post # 12
rocky2018 : “It’s late… her decision would not bring our virginity back.”
Are you two really the same religion? Or more specifically, do you both believe in the Bible or was I mistaken? If you do, then how can you say the above? That’s like saying, “It’s late…I’m already a thief so if I stop stealing it won’t change anything.” Do you feel accountable to any higher power or have you decided to stop being religious?
I think there’s a larger problem here, where you are not that interested in being religious anymore, but she is becoming more interested. You look at the world so differently that I don’t see this working out.
Post # 13
I think together you guys should talk about this with pastor or therapist. You don’t seem to understand her viewpoint here and maybe a pastor could explain it in a way that makes more sense or help you guys communicate better. I agree with PP’s stealing analogy. You always have a chance to be to start over and do the right thing. You need to be on the same page as her with what is the right thing. I actually know a lot of couples that had sex for a few years and then stopped until they got married, and it was great for their relationship. But you both need to be in agreement in your goals for this topic.
Post # 14
I’m one of those persons who despises religion, so maybe it’s not really my place to say anything, but I get where you’re coming from.
I’m sure your proposal now feels tarnished. You maybe even feel coerced into doing it. You don’t want her or anyone to think you’re proposing because you want to get into her pants, but because you love her.
Plus the reason you two decided to have sex is because you “knew” you two were going to marry, that’s how in love you were, and now years later she doesn’t believe that anymore and the words that actually came out of her mouth were”to know if a guy truly love you say no to sex and if he leaves he never truly loved you”. No one wants their love to be tested and if you did decide that no sex was a deal breaker (and for a lot of people it would be) it’s already making you out to be the bad guy and really diminishes your relationship to some cheap hook up.
If you two are of the same religion then I don’t know why she couldn’t have sat down with you and you two talked about abstaining rather than her presenting it as some test of love.
Lastly–will her views change every time she changes churches?
I don’t think you’re wrong for bulking at marriage atm. It’s not something to be rushed and I think you should take all the time you need to figure out things. You’re allowed to change your mind too.
Post # 15
I would definitely postpone the engagement for now. All of a sudden she changes her mind because she changes churches? Sounds like her views are easily changed, which is not a trait I find desireable. People are certainly allowed to change their minds, even on sex, but altering a relationship without discussing with your partner because of what someone else says is not cool IMO.
“She heard “to know if a guy truly love you say no to sex and if he leaves he never truly loved you””
Is she quite young? Its concerning that a church sermon was able to manipulate her so easily.