Stopping sex before marriage?

posted 6 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

YES! It’s to build an intimacy that you can’t create if your outlet for such is sex. Learning how to have that same, if not deeper, connection & showing of love without sex is creating a GREAT foundation for a lasting marriage b/c believe me you will go through times where life effects your sex life & if that is the bases of your connection then you’re looking for trouble.

Not just that but like every other area of our lives God has a plan to consecrate us back to him & restore our purity. God is an overflowing kind of God and when you do what He commands He sees our sacrifice, understands our trouble, and blesses us more than we could have imagined He would in our obedience. Being uninhibitedly connected to God is ALWAYS worth what He is asking of us.

Darling Husband and I stopped and God did some AMAZING things in us individually and together as a couple. We both were overwhelmed with the incredible joy the day we got married just looking at the things God had done for each of us b/c we got back in obediences with him.

It’s definitely worth it.

 

ETA: I should add that it wasn’t easy & things did get rocky for a bit, but we stayed called & let God work some things out in us that were causing us to have a wrong perspective & worldview concerning intimacy. Once that foundational intimacy was laid things got much better & we were able to enjoy closeness from holding hands, snuggling watching a movie, and even talking through things that God was working out for us.

I could definitely see how things could go the other way BUT if a relationship that isn’t even in the realm of boundaries for sex can’t surivive the abstainence then I question and it’s ability to survive a lifetime of marriage. Like I said… life effects our sex lives, just take a look at the pregnancy boards & posts about how long there hasn’t been any said sex, or after you have children & things are busy and you’re tired. EEK! Having that foundation of connection is SO important and worth creating & waiting for.

Post # 4
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Just my own experience, my first husband and I did this but we were living together. We ended up as roomates or like brother & sister and it RUINED our sex life. Our marraige never recovered.

Post # 5
Member
3340 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Do what’s best for the two of you.  Don’t hold off on having sex just because it’s what other people do.

I discussed this with my fiance, and he really didn’t want to do it.  I agree that physical intimacy brings me and my fiance together the way nothing else does.  I see no value in stopping.  We’re not going to love each other more.  I don’t think it’s going to affect the special-ness of our wedding night.  It’s going to be incredibly special no matter what because it’s our wedding night!!!

If stopping even has the possibility of hurting us, then why would we do that?  Maybe we’ll stop like the week before the wedding or something, but nothing more drastic than that.  πŸ˜‰

Post # 6
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

We are going to stop about 2-3 weeks before we get married.. not for religious purposes, but because I want to. Fiance and I used to be long distance, and when we would have to wait for a few weeks to go at it, it’d be more intensified. I want my wedding night to be like that. πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
3340 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@runsyellowlites:  “…when you do what He commands He sees our sacrifice, understands our trouble, and blesses us more than we could have imagined He would in our obedience.”

God is also forgiving.  He’s not going to hold it against you if you continue having sex before you’re married.

Post # 8
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do what’s best for you. I see no point in it if you’re already having sex.  If you’re at the point in your relationship where you’re deciding to get married, you should have already built a certain level of intimacy that goes beyond just sex. 

And if you think it’s going to restore your purity – think rationally about that one. What’s done is done. Only a hymen repair will fix that.

Post # 9
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it depends on your relationship.

If you’re the type of people who have a fight and then jump in bed to solve it (without ever really discussing the root of the issue), this might be a good excercise to push yourselves to communicate at a deeper level.

If you’re not “that couple” and you don’t use sex as a tool to hurt, control or “fix” things…stopping might not be necessary for you.

Post # 10
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We stopped for seven months and it was the best decision we made. Not only did we feel better about our relationship with God but it made our relationship so much stronger. It was the hardest thing we ever did but looking back I feel so good about it. We started our marriage the right way in God’s eyes and I know He will bless us because of it. We had a couple talk to us about it and tried to get us to live seperatly because it was ‘impossible’ to do while living together but we did it with God’s help. Every time my husband wanted to have sex I had the strengh to say no and vice versa.

I have to say, as a woman, it’s really nice knowing that my husband loves me so much even if he isn’t getting sex. It really strengthened our love for each other.

Post # 11
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

We’re going to try to go a month without sex before the wedding and 2 weeks before I will be staying at my parents house to get last minute stuff done and I hope that  will help with that special “just married” feeling. 

Post # 12
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Christy42213:  You are so right that God is amazingly forgiving, I would really be in trouble if He wasn’t. Truth is though forgiveness only comes throughout repentance, completely turning away from sin (whatever that might be). You cannot be forgiven of a sin you’re still willfully committing, and scripturally rebellion actually causes the Holy Spirit to be your enemy. Eek! God wants to protect & bless the relationships He brings into our lives but as we see countless times through His relationship with Israel, as long as we rebel we don’t get that blessing or protection. God doesn’t doom us, we do. Everything I do today will have a consequence and there will be seed time & harvest until the end of time…. Who’s to say the sins I commit & hold on to against my husband today won’t bring detriment to our marriage later. Scripture says that if I don’t repent they will.

When we unknowingly sin I do believe there is a grace that covers us, but when we are purposefully rebellious there is consequence. One of my very favorite scriptures is when Joseph is approached by Potiphar’s wife & his response isn’t “We could get caught…” or anything like that but “How could I sin against God like that”.

Staying in communion with God is the “value” of following His instruction.

Post # 13
Member
3340 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@runsyellowlites:  I’m sorry, but I think that ship sailed the first time she had sex out of wedlock.

Post # 14
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Christy42213:  Thankfully that’s not what my God says! All throughout His word we see His beloved, Israel, and his followers fall, repent, & reestablish their communion with Him. Thankfully when we repent, Christs blood covers that sin & unlike us, God chooses not to see it again. Look at Paul who wrote in Romans that while his heart was to do right he did wrong & while he didn’t want to do wrong he did it anyways, plans to do right but doesn’t follow through, BUT that because his heart is truly repentant & grieved he is continuously restored back to God…. It’s this guy that wrote the majority of the N.T. giving us the outline for “New Testament living”. 

I mean if we want to talk in the “what’s done is done” realm we’re all in trouble. I mean I’ve already sinned against God, does that mean the rest of my life is without hope of Gods fellowship & blessing?… No way! Because I’ve been able to turn back to Him, just like He lines out in the parable of the prodigal son, & be restored.

God can restore any and everything we give Him. The thing is, what are we missing in blessing & growth all that time we wait to give that part of ourselves back to Him? The OP & her SO still have that time & opportunity for God to prepare their marital foundation, once they’re married yes God can create that foundation IF they come to the place of repenting & grievance for their past sin against Him, but why would any of us want to wait & miss what God has waiting at that moment for us. Some blessing are for that specific season & while God will have other blessings they are missing something amazing right. now!

It’s obvious that we aren’t seeing this from the same worldview but I’m standing & speaking from a biblical perspective since this is the Christian board.

Post # 15
Member
3340 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@runsyellowlites:  I’m not even going to read your post because I don’t want to get into a long religious/philosophical debate with you.  It’s her life, she can do what she wants.

Post # 16
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Christy42213:  That’s too bad. You’re right though that it is the OP’s life & decision so I’m glad she will be able to read it since sometimes we just need some encouraging counsel being reminded of God’s character to get back in step with Him. πŸ™‚

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors