(Closed) Stories & Tips for Moving in With SO!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

We didn’t live together till after the wedding, and it can be rough. But its also super gre at. Our biggest issues were mainly dividing up housework and getting on a more similar sleep schedule. His job means the alarm goes off at 5 every weekday. I am a night person!!! So that’s been interesting. It isn’t an issue for us because we just combined money but if you aren’t, then figuring out who pays for what out of their paycheck might be interesting. If you just sit down and work through stuff at the begining I think it helps a lot

Post # 4
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I recommend reading this book http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0767910400

The references are horribly out of date but it’s a great guide to help you negotiate the transition and set up some stuff legally in case things don’t pan out as planned

Post # 5
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I hated roommates too, so I was nervous when I moved in with now Darling Husband. I’d never lived with a romantic person before, so it was unchartered waters. 

But we love eachothers’ company, and as introverts, each of us recognizes when the other needs space. But it’s funny because we don’t like being in different rooms. Just silent together. πŸ™‚ 

I’ve found a lot of things that made me angry with roommates, I can tolerate from Darling Husband because I love him, whereas roommates were strictly business.

Post # 6
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would immediately talk about house work you don’t like and what you’re willing to compromise.  I HATE unloading the dishwasher and Fiance hates vacuuming so we do those for each other.  We both hate folding laundry so we do it together.

Also, using “I” statements.  Instead of saying, “You never bring the mail in” you may say “I love when you bring the mail in.”

Post # 7
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It can be fun and exciting and frustrating!  Dont worry or stress about the little things, if he likes something one way and you dont and it a small thing, let it go! 

@Mars62312:  I totaly agree! and we are much the same way My husband hates to unload the dishwasher, so I do it most of the time and thats fine! But I dont like doing the laundry and my husband doesnt mind so he usually does that! 

Its fun to figure everything out together, just remember the small things dont matter, but do speak up about the big things πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I had the same hesitation before I moved in with my Fiance.  I was very independent, liked having my own space and time to myself.  Well, my fears were uncalled for as moving in together was the best for both of us!  I loved it and I think our relationship was even better right from the start than before we moved in together.  It showed me how compatible we were, plus it saves you from planning out when to see each other, lol.  I know every facet of him now and vice versa.

I think it really helps when both people have the same values when it comes to cleanliness (FI and I are both neat freaks too) and teamwork (love to cook together, help each other out with chores, etc).  We did move into a house, so that might have helped seeing as I had my “own” room still so to speak.  Open communication, support and accept one another’s quirks, and don’t nitpick about the small stuff is what I would suggest.  Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just thinking on this as i got ready for work this morning:  So much is cooperation!  Making small sacrifices.  I did NOT want to get up this morning and could have gotten away with sleeping in a few extra minutes, but I knew that would only make FIs start more cramped or rushed.  Little things like that go a long way, I think!

Post # 10
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Make sure you still keep time and space for yourself. I love living with my Fiance, but if I didn’t have my desk for working and quiet time, I might go mad πŸ™‚ I also agree with PPs about talking about household tasks, it makes life much easier! Good luck with the move and enjoy!

Post # 11
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

Cogratulations on this big step! I am still learning but would recommend the following:

 

As you are moving in to his house, there may be a little resistance from him at first. He has had that space for awhile, and its been his man cave.  Sometimes, guys  get territorial about redecorating, moving into the closet, etc…so I would ask him if he minds redecorating and discuss what he would like changed in the house you can both do together.

 

Nesting is fun, the shopping…shared purchases and decorating your new home together. Talk about tastes and what your spending budget is like…when  Iwas nesting with my Fiance, his ex W I guess spent a lot of money on high end denby that they didn’t have. When WE went shopping for China, I am practical, but didn’t discuss, and I got hissed at by him under his breath (Do you think we can AFFORD that…we need to be practical , right?) And I ended up in tears… iwas just looking. I can look, right? πŸ™

Chores and money-these two things will be an adjustment and there will always be some arguments. you will start to notice he leaves his socks on the floor and you hate it, or you maybe hang your bras over the shower curtain and he gets freaked out..these are adjustments and both of you don’t want to turn your home into a turfy war. (Thats MY China…or MY bathroom mirror…)

So play nice, make a basic expectation list and ask him for as much input as possible.

Enjoy your move!

 

 

Post # 12
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I agree with @Mars62312:! Even though you are both neat freaks it is important to understand who is going to do what. Otherwise, it could get into assumption territory and then it gets ugly. 

@kat2014:  is absolutely right about space for yourself. I need breathing room once in a while. We also have a 2nd TV because I do not like most of the shows Darling Husband watches. Sometimes I just want to watch some Real Housewives by myself while he watches Swamp People!!

Post # 13
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

That is an exciting step! My suggestion would be to make sure you are both on the same page about what moving in together means and what your future holds and the rough timeline for that future.

Assuming you want to get married (since you’re on WeddingBee, I’d think that’s a reasonable assumption), it’s very important to have this discussion before you move in together. Cohabiting before marriage is no longer the “predictor” of divorce that it used to be, but ONLY in cases where the people are on the same page about their future before moving in together.

In short, if you want to be married, you both should be moving in together with the intent of an engagement and marriage happening in a certain time period in the future. If you want to be married but to one of you, this is just living together without the intent of being married down the line, it can cause some issues.

Here’s an article on it (the title is negative but the article isn’t). I’ve read some other things on the topic, and the idea of “deciding, not sliding” into marriage is an important one. NYT – Cohabiting before Marriage

Here’s the key part from what I’ve read, the good parts are sort of spread through the whole article:

She was talking about what researchers call “sliding, not deciding.” Moving from dating to sleeping over to sleeping over a lot to cohabitation can be a gradual slope, one not marked by rings or ceremonies or sometimes even a conversation. Couples bypass talking about why they want to live together and what it will mean.

WHEN researchers ask cohabitors these questions, partners often have different, unspoken — even unconscious — agendas. Women are more likely to view cohabitation as a step toward marriage, while men are more likely to see it as a way to test a relationship or postpone commitment, and this gender asymmetry is associated with negative interactions and lower levels of commitment even after the relationship progresses to marriage. One thing men and women do agree on, however, is that their standards for a live-in partner are lower than they are for a spouse.

Sliding into cohabitation wouldn’t be a problem if sliding out were as easy. But it isn’t.

Post # 16
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We discussed money and household chores…..figuring out who was going to pay for what and how we’d handle money was really important.  Then we split up chores to where we’re both pretty happy.

 

 

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