Stories of Hope – Finding Love and Family On or After 39

posted 10 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020 - City, State

A friend of mine and her husband were married for many years before deciding they both did want kids, as they were too unsure about parenthood and busy with careers for over a decade of marriage. Her first baby was born when she was 41, and her second was when she was nearly 44. I know for sure they did not use any sort of medical intervention to conceive the first child, but she and I were less close for the second, so I don’t know for sure about that baby. 

Good luck to you, and once you are back out on the dating scene, be mindful of what your ex has put you through and how it shaped you so that you are genuinely ready to open your heart. 

Post # 3
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I didn’t meet my husband until I was in my late 30’s. We got married when I was 39 and he was 38. Neither of us had been married before.  We decided not have kids but my doctor asked the question and said more people are having kids at my age.  Alot of of my coworkers have had kids in the last few years and hovering at your age or more. 

Also, its not easy, but nothing says you can’t pursue a having a child on your own if that’s your calling to be a mom. 

Post # 6
Member
2507 posts
Sugar bee

How do you feel about the idea of adopting, or freezing your eggs and potentially using a surrogate? If you are open to any of those ideas, that will also open up your options for kids a lot. Not to say you don’t have time to meet someone new and have biological children still (you likely do! It just really varies person to person), but expanding the idea of what “having kids” means to you will give you more options. 

In any case, you certainly have time to find love. Many bees here didn’t marry their husbands until their 40s+. Never give up on that. 

Post # 7
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020 - City, State

Amy Elizabeth : 

Disclosure to other readers other than Amy: this comment does not relate directly to Amy’s original post…

Hello fellow Chicagoan! If you ever need a local pal to meet for a cup of coffee or just want to chat online, PM me. I’m three years older than you, but I have some pretty crazy Chicago dating stories. That said, after only dating here for about 7 months, I found the guy for me. It’s so easy to feel like it’s all a waste of time when dates don’t work out, but I can say from experience that in meeting several guys who were wrong for me, it helped me define and be ready for the guy who was. During the 7 months of dating, I felt like it was taking too long, but in the grand scheme of things, that was no time at all. 

And I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to sound like some dating expert, as I’m certainly not, but a good piece of advice I can give you stems from a mistake I made. The first guy I actually took an interest in was not ready for a committed relationship, and that was fine for me (at first) as I was newly single and new to this city. I began to like him so much, and I now see that I liked him so much because he was a TOTAL upgrade from my ex. But even though the guy was a great person, he was not at all what I was looking for. But because he was such an improvement, I was just okay with the things that would for sure keep us from ever being serious. 

And also, some good news, my Chicago dating experience taught me that many guys in their early 40’s are still wanting to have children. I have a child and was not looking for that personally, but there are many men on the dating sites who are. It surprised me actually, as the smaller city I spent most of my adulthood in (lived here less than two years, but grew up here) consisted of mostly 40-something men who were single post-divorce and either already had kids an didn’t want more, or did not want them at all. So I’m here to tell you that once you start dating, there are for sure many men late-30’s/early 40’s in Chicago who are seeking a wife and children in the near future. 

Post # 10
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I met my husband at 39, we got married at 42 then had our first (and likely only) baby at 45 so yes..it is possible. There were times in my life that I didn’t think either marriae or a child would happen but things happen when they are meant to. I love being a mom and now know that things worked as they were meant to. Hang in there! 

Post # 11
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

Amy Elizabeth :  I didn’t meet my husband until I was 35. We just got married in May and I turned 40 in December. We do not have any kids are are trying right now. I do believe it is possible to find someone after 39 get married and have kids. You do have time. I also joined a group on facebook of women over 40 who are having kids. Just joining that group alone has been inspirational, as I didn’t know how many women over 40 are actually getting pregnant and having kids.  I met my husband on an online dating website. You would be surprised at the number of guys that are single without children in their 30s and up that want to have kids and settle down. 

Post # 12
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020 - City, State

Amy Elizabeth :  Oh for sure…I was 41 when I started dating here, and I felt kind of bad when I seemed to click a bit with a guy on a dating site who eventually admitted he wanted a wife and kids, as I was not about to “waste” his time because I just do not want to have anymore children, so it would have been selfish of me to meet a man whose end game was starting a family. Always wanted just one child, and I had him almost 20 years ago. So, yeah, it’s not like these guys looking for a wife to begin a family with were looking for younger women to help them accomplish this. 

Post # 13
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

browneyedgirl24 :  this! Definitively look into freezing your eggs, have their quality and reserve tested at a fertility clinic. There are supplements/medications you can take to improve your egg quality and fertility. I would do that asap if you plan on having a child in the future.

I know you said in your original post that you don’t want to have a child on your own but you have to weigh that against the possibility of not having a child at all if you need to be in a serious relationship beforehand. I’m relatively healthy, didn’t find any fertility issues with myself or my husband but it took 4 years for me to have my daughter at 34y.o– could have been longer. 

“40s are the new 30s’ and there is a lot of medical advancement but fertility drops drastically post 40 and risks increase substantially. If you really want a child I would have one on my own in your situation and then you won’t have to feel frantic looking for a partner just because your clock is ticking . Plus,.there’s no way you’ll be emotionally ready for another relationship so soon after your separation/divorce. Act in haste, repent in leisure and all that. 

Good luck.

 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors