Stories of reuniting with the love in your life and get married?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

I think in your case you have to let go.

It’s been a year and you are not letting yourself move on from it. I think in someways yuo are forcing yourself to wallow in the grief by considering him “The one” (I don’t believe in that concept anyway but that’s beside the point).

I’m sure you will get stories here of people who broke up and got back together but I still think it is unhealthy to fixate on that hope.

Please try to move on with your life, refusing to move on doesn’t prove that this relationship was “The one”.

Post # 5
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My now husband is actually an old boyfriend in high school. We dated for roughly a year at that time before breaking up and going our separate ways. The terms we ended on weren’t awful but not awesome.

 

Fast forward to nearly eight and a half years later (or what will be two years ago this July). At that point I have NO experience whatsoever with living anywhere that was not with my mom (joined by my now stepdad since my sophmore year of high school) or my dad (but mostly my mom; I lived with her through all of college, moved in with dad after I graduated, but ended up returning to mom nine and a half months thereafter due to health problems on dad’s end; I never originally planned on living at home after high school at all, but I was talked into it for reasons I won’t go into and it was never feasible for me to move out on my own, but I digress), I’m a struggling jobseeker who had been unemployed since 2006 after a performance-related job termination from our hometown’s then Burger King, and I had been dead single the whole time. He on the other hand, had other girlfriends since our breakup, but each relationship fell through for one reason or another. He also joined the military after high school but after six years was retired out for medical reasons.

 

 

 

Anyway, that summer, for some reason, I looked him up on Facebook. I found his name and sent him a “friend request” and apologized for my mistakes in the past. I figured I’d get his forgiveness or not, we’d maybe touch base once in a while, but that would be it. He said there was no need to apologize, that we were both young at the time, etc. For a while, we communicate via chat, see one another in person for the first time since the breakup a couple of weeks or so later, and start seeing each other on the weekends at least. Roughly a month after the reconnection, we reestablish the relationship.  We get engaged shortly before Halloween. In late January/Early February, I start “living” with him part time, but I switch to full time in April after turning out to be pregnant with our now four month old son. We’ve been married for a bit over a month now.

In short, just because things don’t work out the first time around doesn’t mean you can’t try again later on.

 

Post # 6
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes. My Darling Husband was my first love. We lived together and were engaged when we were just kids (18-19). We were too young and we broke up. Fast forward 17 years… Out of the blue he called me and we both could feel the love we had for each other instantly and knew very quickly that we would get married and spend the rest of our lives together. I couldn’t be happier. He is the love of my life.

Buuuut…

I think the key is you have to completely and fully move on from your relationship. It took a while after we broke up and it was very hard. But eventually I got to the point that I never even thought about him. He was my past. I think its healthiest for you if you break up without any intention of getting back together. God may have plans for you at some later date, as He did for me. But it can really prolong the healing process if you don’t have a clean break, or if you harbor hopes of getting back together some day.

Post # 7
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I met my husband while he and I both were dating other people.  I was in a rough relationship…constantly on and off, very unstable, emotionally dependent, etc.

We had tried dating when we were both seperated from our SO’s for a time and it just didn’t go well at all!  Almost disastrous!  But we both really felt something for the other.

Fast forward 5 years, I had moved 12 hours away and had a 3 year old son.  One birthday, he messaged me on FB and the rest was history.  We will be married a year in August.
Both of us had broken out of and away from our past bad relationships and we had definitely moved on before we even started talking again.  This allowed us to really close that chapter before we started the new one with each other.  Once we started dating again, we were engaged within 4 months and married less than a year later…but we knew that this was it.  It wasn’t meant to be before because the way we were, we never would have lasted.  We needed that time apart to mature and be better people.

Relationships are always work and they will always be hard…but the right one won’t hurt when it gets hard.

Good luck!!

 

Post # 9
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@JoandJade: How old are you? Why did you break up?

Post # 10
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

You know, when we were engaged still, I don’t remember what it was I had said exactly in reference to when we ended things in high school, but what he said was, “What’s done is done and it was probably for the best at the time. (emphasis mine)”  And maybe it was. We had never thought we would have anything to do with each other whatsoever, let alone get back together, but here we are.

Post # 12
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jmistyrain:  Your relationship with this guy sounds toxic. I don’t think it will work out between you, to be honest. He has now made it clear that he is moving on, and you should too.

Give yourself time to heal and accept that this guy was not the love of your life, and it wasn’t meant to be. Once your heart has healed, you’ll be ready to meet the right guy for you. Also, you are still young, so I suggest you should try to enjoy being single (go out with your friends, meet new people, find new hobbies etc.) and find out who you are outside of that relationship.

Post # 14
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jmistyrain:  As you grow older and more time passes, he will seem less and less significant. I also think that once you have more life experience (and relationship experience), you will see this relationship for what it really was (an unhealthy relationship between two incompatible individuals). You say that “he didn’t know how to love you”; this is a good indication that you were not right for each other, and this is unlikely to have ever changed if you had stayed together. Getting back together with him will not make this problem go away.

 

Your gut feeling that you will end up together is just your way of trying to cope. If you hold on this fantasy, you will never truly move on. Don’t let your past destroy your chances of future happiness.

 

Post # 16
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@jmistyrain:  The thing is, he does not want to get back together with you. You shouldn’t waste the next several years of your life with the idea that your break-up is only a temporary thing. If you do, you will miss out on so many great experiences in your life. I spent a year of my life pining for a guy who didn’t want to be with me, hoping that he’d eventually change his mind. In retrospect, this was such a big waste of time, not to mention embarassing.

I know a couple who were on and off for a period of 8-9 years, including a break-up lasting more than 2 years. They got back together, moved in together, got engaged and then married. Their marriage lasted less than 2 years and they are now in the middle of divorce proceedings. Unfortunately, they brought a baby into this mess as well.

Getting back together rarely works out. The stories you hear are the exception to the rule.

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