- Miss Pez
- 6 years ago
It amazes me everyday to read the wonderful stories of all the upcoming wedding’s and the wonderful engagement stories from all the fellow bees. To feel the excite you are feeling and sense the smiles on everyone’s face. But in another sense… makes me really blue. Not that my hunny didn’t do everything he could do to make me have a sweet proposal and he gave me a bedazzling ring, for that I am blessed. It wasnt the Oh My Gosh triumphant proposal that many get, but it was my proposal and it was from the heart. The proposal or my hunny aren’t the problems here that make me heart broken. It comes down to everyone else in my life. My family and my religion….
Last year in May, my hunny and I went ring shopping. We had been talking about marriage, we have been together for 3 1/2 years now (living seperately as we each had our own homes). One day he called me up and told me that we were gonna go ring shopping, that I should start looking online for what I wanted. I was ecstatic. I knew exactly what I wanted, I just needed to make sure the jewelry store was offering what I wanted, so I surveyed the websites, printed out what I wanted and was ready for 5 o’clock to get here. (and yes, I didnt want to break his wallet so I stayed within a really good range that he wouldnt have to live on ramen noodles…. not for long anyways) We went to three different stores and I let him pick the ring out, out of the 3 choices I choose. Needless to say… he picked the one I really wanted, my first pick, and I was cheesing it the rest of the night. We went over to BJ’s Restuarant, ate till our hearts were content, all whilst, I was making my ring shimmer in the lowly dim lights. Yes…. it’s what all of us newly enaged women do. We like sparkly glittery things. Especially diamonds!
Because of my religion, I was not able to tell anybody our eciting news. I had to keep it under wraps. But I will always consider May 19th, 2011 our engagement day. To give you a bit of history for me, let me bring you back a ways. Hey… I warned that this post was lengthy. I have been in the same religion all my life…. all 31 years. (I am not including the religious afflications, I am sure you can figure it out). We have pretty strict standards to say the least but we are no cult. I don’t give my pastor my bills and my paycheck to pay my bills and what not. Our standards rely more on our hair, our clothing attire, dating, etc. With that said, I will rewind again to me and my hunny. In our religion, one is not allowed to date out side of our faith. Something I have never agreed with and was pretty much obvious when I met my man. He was not of my faith at all. Pretty much the opposite. Not believeing in much religion. He is of Pakistan decent and of Muslim religion. Always searching in his heart for something more, I invited him to church. (We were secretly dating this whole time prior to him coming to church, he knew the rules). Thankfully, he liked what he heard. Months later, he wanted to be baptized, and he was as well as his teenage daughter. All was good. We were “officially” dating months after that. Again, all the rules, I didnt agree with and neither did he. Shortly after, It really just seemed like one “hell-storm” after another.
During this whole thing, my brother quit church, married his wife, and my parents refused to have anything to do with him because of the choices he made. Which sadden me deeply because I feel like my brother stood up for himself, stood up for what he felt was right and listened to his heart, no matter the consequences. I saw the madness from my parents because he left the church. My father wouldnt even go to his wedding. After about 6 months, they started talking to each other again. This hurt me terribly to see the adolescents of my parents and not believing in the choices of their son. We are a very close family and to this day, still hurts me to know… what if that was me instead of my brother???
Rewind to me now… My hunny went and asked the pastor a year ago, if he would marry us. To which he said no. That he felt blocked about marrying us. That he wanted to see a change of heart in my man before he would do so and he wanted to see the Holy Ghost on him. (I’m sorry if any of this offends anybody, as our church does believe in the Holy Ghost) Well this was only infuriating to both of us because we feel right that we are meant for each other. The pastor told me that we could get married and still come to church, but that he wouldnt do it yet. (Remind you…. my parents left the church to get married and have been back for 30 some odd years).
I remember being so upset one night, I went looking for my man, while he was on duty (Law). We met up, and I just cried in my car. It was at that moment, he leaned down on one knee, told me that he loved me and asked me to be his bride. I said yes. I kept crying. I knew he was hurting on the inside with all of this mess but he was doing everything he could to give me hope in all of this.
My hunny and I want to be married so badly. I want to wear my ring and show it off. And I have been holding on for a year and a half now that maybe the pastor will finally marry us. Well…. as of 2 weeks ago, the answer was still a no. My love explained that he will never raise his hands to God like that pastor wants and we all have our own way of praising God. To which I agree. The pastor agrees. The pastor also stated that he knows my hunny will never do that and agrees with him. But in the next sentence, he still wants to see my hunny have the Holy GHost on him.
One would think that you couldnt get any more disappointed in life…. well, I am here to tell you, that you never know the true levels of disappointment. Those rivers run deep!
I am sure you may be asking…. why not just go get married? Elope? DO it in secret and not tell anybody? Well… I have been waiting this long for the pastor to marry us because I know I will be black balled if I did other than what he wanted. Other than what my parents wanted. My parents will disown me if I dont do what the pastor says. My parents look at me differently than they do my brother, and the hurt I will cause them by following my heart, will cause more hurt on them, and they will truly disown me. People keep saying that they will come around…. well, you dont know my parents like I do. It took 6 years for my father to talk to his mother over something so stupid. I know how they will react if I just go and get married without having the pastor doing it.
SO the present day…. I am selling my house due to the economy. The plan is to move in with my hunny. Again…. parents will see this as a NO. The pastor will see this as a NO. I am hurting inside about all of this. I feel like I can’t follow my own heart but that I have to follow the hearts of others. I am tired of being heart broken. I am tired of knowing that my parents don’t agree with me following my own heart. I am devestated by all of this but I am trying to keep strong. I am very close with my family and I want them in my life and the church. I dont want to leave the church, I dont want my parents hating me and resenting my future husband. I feel like I need to talk to the pastor about my current situation with the house and marriage and everything. But he said something will come available when I told him I was selling my house. I am just devestated.
So thats my story. Not being able to share my news with everybody. News that is suppose to be a happy thing for a fiance’, for a bride. These milestones are suppose to be the greatest thing in a girl’s life. Never once did I picture my fairy tale like this.
So… if you made if this far in my board…. I applaud you and I would love to hear your thoughts. Please, no disdainful remarks about my religion. I respect your opinions, please respect my religious choice. I know there are rules and standards any where in life. Some we choose to deal with, some time we choose differently. Thank you,