Post # 1
Has anyone been with someone who didn’t understand the point of waiting to get married once they’ve decided that the other person is their forever person? Like, you decide on a Tuesday or something and then go get a marriage license right after, maybe a week or month or whenever you have time? Was it weird? Am just wondering since my SO said he will decide by the end of the year and we could get married immediately thereafter since he thinks it will happen. Neither of us are very interested in having a wedding, for various reasons.
Most of the stories on here are of guys who buy the ring then wait forever to propose, not guys who take forever to decide and have things move along rightaway, so I’m curious as to what people’s experiences have been for those who had things move along quickly. It scares me slightly to have so many changes happen at once, but maybe some guys are just like that and life just happens like that for some people. I’m not entirely comfortable with it, though that might be because we’re not even engaged and I can’t really imagine everything else if the first step hasn’t happened.
Our relationship was kind of like that – I waited and waited and he only officially asked me out once he was completely sure and jumped into things completely once he had done it (and I slowly took things step by step). He is the nicest, sweetest, most amazing person ever, who always makes me feel special and brings me presents and I have no doubt that once he decides he will jump in wholeheartedly. It’s just myself I’m worried about, since I usually take one small step at a time.
Sorry if this isn’t very articulate – have only been going to school in English for part of my life, plus I’m sleepy.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
if it takes him that long to decide, I would wait a little to get married.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I don’t think it is weird at all. Mr. Lk is like your SO…. very slow to make a decision. But once he makes a decision, it’s full speed ahead. We got engaged in October and by January (3 months later) he was ready to skip the wedding, go to the courthouse and just be married already. But I wanted the wedding, which required planning and preperation, and he respected that.
That said, had I not wanted a wedding, I would have had no problem with going to the courthouse a few days after getting engaged. I would not say “yes” to a proposal unless I was totally ready to get married the very next day. I think you need to be that level of certain when you make the commitment. Engagement isn’t just another step forward in a relationship; it’s a promise to marry that person when and where you both choose. It’s a mutual agreement, and it’s okay to keep negotiating the terms of that agreement until you are both satisfied.
Post # 5
Everyones relationship is different. There is no blue print on how you should behave or how long you need to wait between engagement and wedding. Id be happy to get married the day after getting proposed but thats just me.
Post # 6
When the director of my division heard I as getting married he said not to waste too much money on the wedding, the point was getting married. He said he and his wife spent less than $50 to get married. They were in bed one morning, talking about it, decided they wanted to, went to the courthouse and got married and had lunch. They were in college, he recently turned fifty. They check in with each other and have little chats most days like they were still in college. 🙂
Post # 8
Thanks everyone – I had never thought of saying yes as being ready to do it the next day. To me, it’s more a yes to promise to do it sometime soon. I think I’d be okay to get married the next day, but to get a house/kids/etc. very soon after kind of scares me. I just don’t want to wake up one day and be like “what happened to my life?”
But I guess I see where you are coming from – maybe he and I just need to communicate about these next things a little more.
Post # 9
Don’t rush things unnecessarily. If you need some time, take it. We’re having a 3 month engagement with a planned elopement but we’re older and have discussed getting married and decided to get married over a year ago. Once we decided “okay let’s do this thing” I planned everyrhing within a week and in 13 days we’ll be married.
Post # 10
@MariaW: I think it kind of depends. I hope you’re not spending your whole life waiting around for this guy.
I guess it’s good that he’s being honest with you. Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but is it that he isn’t sure if he wants to marry you, or that he isn’t sure if he’s ready to marry you? In my mind those are two separate things. I would NOT be happy if my boyfriend said to me “I am not sure if I want to marry you. I will know in a few months”. I’d be like uh, wtf?
If a guy just wants the relationship to progess for a bit longer, save for the ring, get his ducks in a row… then fair enough. I know different couples wait for different reasons.
I think that if you don’t want a wedding, then there’s no point in delaying/having a long engagement. Many guys hold onto the rings because they’re so nervous about making the perfect proposal. Most couples are engaged for a year or so because that’s the time it takes to plan a wedding, secure a venue, etc. Not because they’re not sure if they want to marry or not.
Post # 11
Nah, I have a walk date in mind and after many months of stressing over it am finally in a place where I’m working on myself and mostly happy.
Post # 12
Maybe it’s just me, but I thought that once you said yes to a proposal, you were ready to marry that person. That it’s just a matter of the logistics of the wedding. If you’re not sure if you want to marry him, you shouldn’t accept the propsol (or take time to think about it). I had a professor who went to Jamaica with her boyfriend to celebrate her graduating law school. While there, he proposed. The very next day, they went to the city hall (or equivalent) and got married. They’ve been married over 20 years. On her anniversaries, she posts photos of the two of them on her wedding day. She’s wearing a blue dress she planned to wear on the trip, but not as a wedding dress, and they look madly in love.
Post # 13
It sure seems like a lot of your relationship happens according to what works for your SO. What is important is not what others want but what do YOU want? Do you want to be engaged for a bit? That’s ok. You guys should make decisions together.
Post # 14
I would have liked to be engaged for a bit, then take things one step at a time. I also originally only thought about getting engaged next year, which was our plan when we started dating. But somehow I became crazy waiting earlier this year, and suddenly felt like the original timeline was too long. So when I was telling SO that everything is pushed back because he is taking forever, he says he doesn’t see why we can’t get things moving rightaway once we get engaged. I guess this whole thing is a non-issue until we actually get engaged, but I was just curious about what other people’s experiences have been since I’m usually a do-things-step-by-step person. That’s all.
Post # 15
Everyone’s relationship is different and unique but I would think saying yes to marrying your SO indicates your willingness to marry them, whether it’s the next day or the next year. I know when my man asks me to be his wife, I will be ready to run down to the nearest courthouse to make it official because I’m ready for that. But like I said, everyone’s relationship moves along at its own pace.
Post # 16
I had a friend who had a 5 day engagement. Her now-husband returned from a deployment. His and her whole families went to see him. He proposed as soon as he got off the ship. They figured, what the heck, they were in Hawaii and their families were there. So they got married. They even had a wedding, complete with dress and flowers and photographer and videographer. Planned in 5 days. It was lovely and everyone loved it. They’ve been married for almost 3 months now.