(Closed) Straight into getting married – weird? Just a general question

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

 if it takes him that long to decide, I would wait a little to get married.

Post # 4
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I don’t think it is weird at all. Mr. Lk is like your SO…. very slow to make a decision. But once he makes a decision, it’s full speed ahead. We got engaged in October and by January (3 months later) he was ready to skip the wedding, go to the courthouse and just be married already. But I wanted the wedding, which required planning and preperation, and he respected that.

That said, had I not wanted a wedding, I would have had no problem with going to the courthouse a few days after getting engaged. I would not say “yes” to a proposal unless I was totally ready to get married the very next day. I think you need to be that level of certain when you make the commitment. Engagement isn’t just another step forward in a relationship; it’s a promise to marry that person when and where you both choose. It’s a mutual agreement, and it’s okay to keep negotiating the terms of that agreement until you are both satisfied.

Post # 5
Member
646 posts
Busy bee

Everyones relationship is different. There is no blue print on how you should behave or how long you need to wait between engagement and wedding. Id be happy to get married the day after getting proposed but thats just me.

Post # 6
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

When the director of my division heard I as getting married he said not to waste too much money on the wedding, the point was getting married.  He said he and his wife spent less than $50 to get married.  They were in bed one morning, talking about it, decided they wanted to, went to the courthouse and got married and had lunch.  They were in college, he recently turned fifty.  They check in with each other and have little chats most days like they were still in college. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Don’t rush things unnecessarily.  If you need some time, take it.  We’re having a 3 month engagement with a planned elopement but we’re older and have discussed getting married and decided to get married over a year ago.  Once we decided “okay let’s do this thing” I planned everyrhing within a week and in 13 days we’ll be married. 

Post # 10
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MariaW:  I think it kind of depends. I hope you’re not spending your whole life waiting around for this guy.

I guess it’s good that he’s being honest with you. Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but is it that he isn’t sure if he wants to marry you, or that he isn’t sure if he’s ready to marry you? In my mind those are two separate things. I would NOT be happy if my boyfriend said to me “I am not sure if I want to marry you. I will know in a few months”. I’d be like uh, wtf?

If a guy just wants the relationship to progess for a bit longer, save for the ring, get his ducks in a row… then fair enough. I know different couples wait for different reasons.

I think that if you don’t want a wedding, then there’s no point in delaying/having a long engagement. Many guys hold onto the rings because they’re so nervous about making the perfect proposal. Most couples are engaged for a year or so because that’s the time it takes to plan a wedding, secure a venue, etc. Not because they’re not sure if they want to marry or not.

Post # 12
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Maybe it’s just me, but I thought that once you said yes to a proposal, you were ready to marry that person.  That it’s just a matter of the logistics of the wedding.  If you’re not sure if you want to marry him, you shouldn’t accept the propsol (or take time to think about it).  I had a professor who went to Jamaica with her boyfriend to celebrate her graduating law school.  While there, he proposed.  The very next day, they went to the city hall (or equivalent) and got married.  They’ve been married over 20 years.  On her anniversaries, she posts photos of the two of them on her wedding day.  She’s wearing a blue dress she planned to wear on the trip, but not as a wedding dress, and they look madly in love.

Post # 13
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

It sure seems like a lot of your relationship happens according to what works for your SO.  What is important is not what others want but what do YOU want?  Do you want to be engaged for a bit?  That’s ok.  You guys should make decisions together.

Post # 15
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Everyone’s relationship is different and unique but I would think saying yes to marrying your SO indicates your willingness to marry them, whether it’s the next day or the next year. I know when my man asks me to be his wife, I will be ready to run down to the nearest courthouse to make it official because I’m ready for that. But like I said, everyone’s relationship moves along at its own pace. 

Post # 16
Member
4690 posts
Honey bee

I had a friend who had a 5 day engagement. Her now-husband returned from a deployment. His and her whole families went to see him. He proposed as soon as he got off the ship. They figured, what the heck, they were in Hawaii and their families were there. So they got married. They even had a wedding, complete with dress and flowers and photographer and videographer. Planned in 5 days. It was lovely and everyone loved it. They’ve been married for almost 3 months now. 

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