(Closed) Straight into getting married – weird? Just a general question

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee

Yes! I know of a couple who has been married long time (30+ years) who got married in that manner. When they agreed to get married, they went to the courthouse that same afternoon and made it official.  They did, however, opt to have a church wedding and reception later.

Post # 18
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@MariaW:  personally for me, i’d get married like yesterday lol. but prob in the end, we’re going to elope, it’s cheaper and more “us” i guess. we’re very private people and like our solitude. not really excited 4 an engagement anymore. just need the paper and the signing lol

Post # 19
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

YAY! Does this mean it’s working out? Congrats. πŸ™‚

I don’t really understand the whole “engagement” thing to be honest. The way it went for me was that Mr. E and I decided we want to get married (no elaborate proposals or anything) but no rush. At some point after that I mentioned casually to my grandma something about it (I figured that after all the years we’ve been together, no big deal and they’d all assumed we’d do it eventually too) and it was all, “OMG! Are you engaged?!” and she started telling people I was engaged and stuff and planning parties to introduce Mr. E to the extended family and so on. (I guess, in this day, maybe it’s bragging rights that your grandchildren aren’t just shacking up for the indefinite future? πŸ˜‰

If you guys want to just get married, that’s fine. Yay elopements!

Our plan is to just go to city hall and then have a nice afternoon out and dinner. There’s still some planning involved because the city hall appointments book up months in advance, and we’re still talking about photography and we haven’t decided on a restaurant yet, and I definitely want to dress up (not super formal, but something classy and pretty) and we’re still deciding on rings… and this is all just to elope. πŸ™‚

After we’re married, we’ll send announcements and have a cake party maybe a month or so later. 

Do you need to do that much? Absolutely not! But if the wedding itself may follow quite quickly after you guys decide to get married, you might start pre-planning for it now, like look into the paperwork required, what documents you need, any waiting periods (you guys are in different countries, right?) and make sure that’s ready to go. 

Start deciding what things you do want now… is it just going to be paperwork and then back to business as usual, or is there a specific location you want to say your vows? Are there certain friends or family members you want there? (Do you want to do it by yourselves?) Is there anything specific you’ll want, like a dress, that you don’t already have ideas about? 

There really isn’t a wrong way of doing it, but at the same time, you should have a day that feels special to you. πŸ™‚ 

 

Post # 20
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@MariaW:  

To me, it’s more a yes to promise to do it sometime soon. I think I’d be okay to get married the next day, but to get a house/kids/etc. very soon after kind of scares me. I just don’t want to wake up one day and be like “what happened to my life?”

Those things don’t have to immediately follow. πŸ™‚ It’s okay to take it one step at a time. We have the house first, and may never have the kids. Certainly not for a few more years, at the soonest.

Post # 21
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I was not at all impatient about us getting engaged, but now that we are I am actually super impatient that we set our date for 15 months after.

Everyone is different, but I totally get where your SO is coming from. I felt like once we were engaged, the decision was made and we should just get married immediately.

If you aren’t someone who can be super spontaneous, or want a big wedding, then it is unlikely you guys will get married right away anyway, so I wouldn’t worry too much. It is extremely difficult to plan a wedding for lots of people in less than at least 3 or 4 months, so just be patient and appreciate your SO for how thoughtful he seems to be.

Post # 23
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We got married 2 weeks after we got engaged, but we had extenuating circumstance. My husband is Canadian and I am American. However, we lived in border cities so our houses were only 20 minutes apart. We had been dating 7.5 years and when we decided to get married, we wanted to do it as soon as possible so we could start his greencard process and we could finally live together. We had a small dinner with just our immediate family to sign the marriage license.

We did plan a bigger “wedding” 8 months later so we could officially celebrate with our friends and family. I didn’t start wearing my wedding band or change my name until after our wedding. So I got to spend those 8 months planning a wedding and feeling like we were engaged. 

Post # 24
Member
40 posts
Newbee

My SO is similar to yours. He’ll take his sweet time making a decision, but when when he’s decided he wants something, he’ll get it ASAP. Example: He contemplated for a month if he should get a dog. One night he decided he really did want one. Two days later I found a puppy in his apartment!

However, to me an engagement means you’re ready to marry that person next day. The time afterward is only meant to actually plan a wedding. If you’re not ready to take that jump, then maybe you’re simply unsure or not ready to get married and live with him forever. Your definition sounds more like a promise ring type of commitment to me, rather than an engagement ring commitment. But that is perfectly okay, and maybe that is what you should consider for the time being.Smile

 

Post # 25
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Temecula, California

Wow! I was just thinking about this. I’m glad you asked. I need advice myself. it’s nice to know I’m not the only one in this situation.

Last night was my SO took me out to dinner for our anniversary. I wasn’t expecting a proposal, but her did say he was planning on getting married before this year ends. He can’t stand long engagements, which is fine by me, because we don’t like not living with each other. (We promised not to to live with each other until we we’re married.)

 

 

Post # 26
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it is incredibly romantic to plan a wedding quickly after getting engaged. I know I would marry my SO tomorrow if he wanted to. He’s more traditional than I am and wants a longish (1 year) engagement.

Post # 27
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Interesting! We are also struggling with this decision. We are planning a wedding for September 2013, because we do want a nice but small wedding. Also, my family lives on a different continent and we want them to be a part of it and that just doesn’t work “short notice”. BUT we’re thinking about getting married soon (as in this year still) because of “technical” reasons I don’t want to get into here (think insurance, etc).

My problem is: while I want to get married soon to the the technicalities out of the way, we DO want to enjoy being engaged for a year or so! It just seems like such a super-cute lovey-dovey state to be in… and we want to enjoy it!

So I guess I’m saying, if it is important to you to enjoy being engaged for a while, then you should discuss that with him and find a compromise πŸ™‚ Perhaps you can plan a courthouse wedding a few months in advance and still incorporate some traditional wedding stuff like flowers, white dress, close familiy as guests, and a dinner at a nice restaurant for you all.

PS: Your English is awesome!

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