(Closed) Straight Up Depressed

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@fingerscrossed:  I’m so sorry. . . I know how it feels. I am having a very bad waiting day myself. I don’t really have any suggestions of how to survive having to see him at a wedding. . . ugh. I’m just going to send you some ((HUGS)) and hope you work through it somehow. . . :/

 

Post # 4
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First, ****HUGS****, and lots of ’em.

You are not alone, I am defintely having one of those days because for me, yesterday was a terrible waiting day, but in perspective, it is my fault.

Anywho, I try to focus on the positive. This is always easier said than done. Think about how long it has been since you’ve seen him, and how much you miss him, and all the positive things about him & why you love him. Enjoy the wedding to the best of your capacity. Knowing me, I would go, have a great time, get a little tipsy and tell my SO, we should get married. But hey, I’m just trying to let you know, no one is perfect and if it slips, it slips, but always TRY your very hardest.

Post # 6
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

My advice. LOOK. HAWT. Look hellatious good at that wedding and your man will WANT to have you as his wife. Your are a woman! We are the masters of saying the things that go unsaid. Ask him what he likes and doesn’t like about the wedding (It’s not YOUR wedding, so it’s just his oppinion). This could get the ball rolling about what is going on in his head. If he doens’t seem interested at all in the concept of marraige then that would be a red flag. But really, what are you going to do? He is flying into town to see YOU and go to this wedding. You have to make the most of it.

So the best advice I can give you is look hella-fine and have him eat his heart out. You should look like “If you don’t want ot put a ring on THIS, then you got mental issues.”

Post # 8
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Sapphire-Dreamer:  I agree. I think the more confidence and nonchalance you display at the wedding, the more appealing the idea will be for him. However, I do feel that if you are unable to feel safe sharing your feelings with him at this point, it could be a red flag. Your desire to communicate is natural, but is giving you a lot of pain. Somewhere along the way, it might be best to be really upfront with him because a lot of time could pass before you realize you are on two different pages. Why wait? All we have is today…

Post # 9
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Just another thing – bottled up feelings always come out, and usually under a lot of pressure. Don’t be a kettle! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m sorry.  Make a deal with yourself that you won’t bring it up this weekend at the wedding, but give yourself permission to bring it up the next time you talk to him or see him.  You deserve a definite answer.

Post # 13
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@EleanorRigby:  I have to agree, if you ever watch Matchmaker Millionaire, if he isn’t marrying you by 1 year, you should walk and find someone who will because you deserve it!! (If that is important to you, that is). But just my opinion!

Post # 14
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@fingerscrossed:  I think it is more difficult to follow Mr. Bee’s plan given that you are in an LDR. It’s good that you didn’t move with him. That’s a lot to ask of a woman without giving her an engagement ring.

I agree to look hot at that wedding and hopefully that will shake him up a bit. But I also think that based on his responses in your conversations, he may be a bit immature and just not ready. You may have to pull back a little bit and start focusing your sights elsewhere. Then he will either start to come around, or you will be able to find someone else who is ready.

Post # 15
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@funkymunky85:  The Millionaire Matchmaker’s book gives advice on how to bring this up too! She says that at the 9-12 month mark, if you haven’t had a talk about marriage, you give him not an ultimatum, but a “me-a-matum.” Basically you very breezily ask him on a Sunday afternoon if marriage is in the cards. If he says yes or waffles a little bit, you do this thing where you say, “OK no worries, but I have to tell you that I will not be able to be in this relationship for another 3 months without some sort of movement toward the future. Then I might start to resent you.” I think the wording is a little better, but it’s not exactly smooth. These things never are. I do agree with her feeling though that a year is enough.

Post # 16
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

@EleanorRigby:  I agree. Another person’s wedding is definatly NOT the right time to discuss why you guys aren’t on the road to engagement yet. And a time when the alchohol is flowing isn’t a good time either, if you know what I mean. But A time when you guys are together (face-to-face) and sober would be a nice time to have an upfront discussion about both of your fears and concerns.

@fingerscrossed:i have a problem about taking things really personally.” I know this can be hard, but if it is HIS fears he is sharing with you, you have to be open-minded enough to realise that his fears and concerns may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. The best we can do is be supportive of our SOs, especially when they go out of the way to be vulnerable with us. I find it that we always react to something like that in ways of “how does that effect me?” But it doesn’t. it effects HIM. Thats my advice about that convo. Relationships are about compromise. try to meet in the middle. at least flesh out a real timeline. something more concrete then “soon”

 

Thank you. I just said what my sister would probably do. When All Else Fails…Look Hawt.

 

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