(Closed) FI’s Friends are so Rude!! (guest list issues)

posted 9 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

You’ve got to tell them straight-up beforehand that they’re not invited. You don’t want to be dealing with it the day of, and it sounds like the only way to head that off is to TELL them that no, they’re NOT invited. Maybe they’ll be hurt (and I know it’s tough sometimes to put your foot down), but the fact is that their behaviour is just RUDE. You don’t need to tell them this necessarily, but definitely let them know that they’re NOT invited, and warn them that if they DO show up, there will be nowhere for them to sit, no food, and no drinks for them.

Post # 4
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Do you have a coordinator or hostesses? ON YOUR WEDDING DAY, YOU SHOULD NOT BE THE PERSON DEALING WITH THIS PROBLEM. I REPEAT, SHOULD NOT. If you don’t have a coordinator, then I would get some hostesses right away. These hostesses should be the ones with a "Master List" to only allow RSVP’ed guests in. They should be the ones with crowd control. I think, also, that this would allow for you to have peace of mind and also you can blame the "hostesses" on such mishaps. Make it clear to them that you may not be bothered about it because it is going to stress you out (i.e. when they say,"I know them. I want to speak to the bride or the groom. and then have them say,"He/she is unavailable and since you are not on the list as RSVP’ed, there’s nothing we can do.") People will be mad, but would you rather please people and bust your budget? Something to think about…Good luck!

Post # 5
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I think Jenniphyr is right — it’s going to be awkward, but you will probably need to tell them flat-out that they are not invited.  You can phrase it differently, of course!  Maybe say "guys, I’ve heard you’re planning to come to the wedding, and I’m really sorry, but we won’t be able to invite you.  We had to keep the guest list tiny because it’s a sit-down dinner with assigned seats.  We’d love to hang out with you after the wedding, but we just don’t have room at the reception to invite everyone."

I know it seems like they should have caught on by now, but they’re not trying to be rude — they probably honestly think that all parties, including weddings, are more or less the same and that a few extra people won’t hurt.   Look at this as your chance to clue them in — they need to learn sooner rather than later that it’s not OK to show up uninvited to a formal event, even if you kinda know the hosts and you think they wouldn’t mind.

Post # 6
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Maybe give your DOC a master guest list. Then have individuals stand by the escort card table, directing people to their table assignments. Once the uninvited guests notice they do NOT have an esort card (which, of course, shouldn’t be a surprise to them), your DOC can escort them out and explain that they only have enough seating for the invited guests.

Someone needs to put them in their place, and they shouldn’t be approaching you on your wedding day. Your DOC should definitely help intercept them! 

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