(Closed) Strange wedding advice: “Weddings are not for or about guests”

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My wedding is FOR my guests!! If it was just for me, I’d elope! On my wedding day I want to be surrounded by people I care about.  To me, this means making sure they’re comfortable and having fun.

She sounds totally off base on this (in my opinion)

Post # 4
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I totally agree with lawyer2bee! Of course, I hoped to do what my husband and I wanted in the general sense, but as far as most things go, I really put my guests first. I figured what was the point in inviting them if I wasn’t going to be the best host possible.

Post # 5
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I think she’s off base, to an extent.  Like, I am getting married outside, on a beach, in summer (albeit in the evening).  That might not be the most comfortable of situations for most people.  So, we are providing bottled waters and fans for comfort, and the ceremony will be only 15 minutes long.  Would I give up my wedding location?  No.  Have I done my best to make it comfortable for everyone?  Yes.

I think there needs to be a healthy balance, if that makes sense.

I’ve had people tell me that I can’t play certain music at my reception because “old people will be there”.  Well, I will play slow love songs for the first two hours, and popular, loud, dance songs for the last two hours.  I didn’t pay $1000 to have a dancefloor if it isn’t going to be used.  But, I am hoping most of the older people will leave after the first two hours, as it will be late.

Post # 6
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

That is ASININE! If the wedding wasn’t about the guests, yes, I would just elope! To me, it’s about celebrating with the people you love. They are taking time out of their day to attend your wedding, and so many are probably paying for flight and hotel or at the very least gas money. And possibly a rental car/cab money. Not to mention the wedding gift. I don’t think EVERYONE has to provide premium service to their guests if they can’t afford it. But I do think the bride and groom should make sure the guests are 1) comfortable and enjoying 2) provided with good food (still don’t understand the posts where people are making guests pay for their own dinner) 3) provided at least beer and wine (but I can understand if couples can’t afford alcohol/cant for religious reasons…not as important as providing a meal anyway).

These are the people that help shape your life and were there for you in different stages of your life. If you don’t feel that way about your guests, don’t invite them and elope.

Post # 7
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Selene221:  She obviously is not a “real expert”.  What paper and what city was this “expert” from?

Post # 8
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would say that the wedding ceremony is not really for or about the guests, but the reception is.  Still, I’d want to do everything reasonable to ensure guests’ comfort at the ceremony.

Post # 10
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If you want a wedding your way without thinking of your guests plan it that way.. but know this, they are gifting you!

If you dont want to consider how others are feeling, ask them not to brings gifts because their presence at your wedding your way should be enough, ya? (though I highly doubt there are brides on this board who dont consider their guests at all)

Post # 11
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree to a degree, I care about my guest and their comfort but my wedding isn’t about them. I’m of course including things I think they would enjoy, but ultimately it is about us and our taste. A wedding is a reflection of the couple not the guest.

Post # 12
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Selene221:  I know who she is, she took Ann Landers spot.  She is arrogant and our paper dropped her column a few years ago.   I should have guested it was her with her background, it really doesn’t suprise me from the Queen of Freeville (as she has dubbed herself).

Post # 13
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@TwoCityBride:  i agree

the wedding is about the couple, but for everyone in a way. i want to ensure my guests are having a great time and are comfortable, but i am not going to pick everything based on what they would have, i would pick location, decor etc based on what my Fiance and I want. BUT when it comes to food and drink I would think about my guests more for sure, on my side of the family there are lots of food issues/allergies, so I want to make sure everyone has something they can eat and enjoy 🙂

Post # 14
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My wedding is about my guests. I actually changed my dream wedding plans so it could be more accomodating for our guest. Why else wouldwe want to spend all this money anyways?

We want to proclaim our eternal love and commitment surrounded by family and our closest friends. I know my family is equally excited about my wedding because it has been the topic of conversation for the past year (and I am not talking parents and grandparents only, I am talking aunts, cousins, close family friends).

If it were just me and my Fiance I would elope and have my wedding at the beach but I can picture my dad walking me down the aisle, I can see my grandpa who is going to be 97 by that date being there for me, my grandma beaming with joy, my parents, his parents, and half of our guests are traveling from another country to see us unite in marriage. 

I say the wedding is for everyone, its about us marrying and everyone helping us celebrate.

Post # 15
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

the ceremony is for you, the reception is for your guests.

@Pinksapphire:  sounds like you make a good example of meshing your wants with others’ comfort

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