(Closed) Strangers telling you you'll have kids, WHAT? (Quick vent)

posted 4 years ago in No Kids
Post # 16
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Speck_:  I understand what you are saying. Maybe he will now think twice before talking about this subject with others. Considering this man did not seem threatening to her (just annoying) I’m still going to stand by my belief that politeness would have been better on her part but I can definitely understand how the situation would have been uncomfortable for her.

MarriedToMyWork:  I’m noticing that you are really intense on these boards. You tend to use a lot of big words to make your points and, possibly, to make others feel intimidated by your intelligence. I can tell you are a smart, passionate woman but it is hard to engage with you because of your aggression.The level of assumed misogyny in your posts is pretty disrespectful at times, honestly. I’m going to choose not to respond to you in the future.

Post # 18
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I will never understand why people (co-workers, friends, strangers) feel the need to tell you how to live your life.

If you’re single “You’re not married yet?

If you’re married “When are you having children”?

If you have 1 child “When are you having another baby”?

If you have 6 kids “Why do you have so many kids”?

I would have asked him “Why would you ask such a personal question? You owe NO ONE any explanation if they are forcing their beliefs on you. How they conduct their lives and what’s rlight for them shouldn’t be spewed onto you. Everyone doesn’t alway fit into the same mold, we form our own.

 

Post # 19
Member
321 posts
Helper bee

Ill Be Mrs B:  This. I don’t understand why perfect strangers would care about the way you live your life. 

I can get behind small talk in a cab or if it is meant to create an interesting conversation like “oh it’s the first time I meet someone who doesn’t want kids! I totally respect that but I’m curious about your reasons” but this does nothing to you to tell them that they should get married/have kids/have more kids/etc.

Post # 20
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

ETA: decided to delete post

Post # 21
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

onceuponadream:  I’m not sure what OP did that wasn’t polite? This guy lectured her at length on an incredibly invasive and inappropriate topic after asking her about it re: her personal life. OP acknowledged that he clearly has strong opinions and firmly ended the discussion. It’s not on her to smile and nod and make him feel good about himself just because he didn’t like, swing a punch at her or call her a bitch.

Post # 22
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

That’s completely inappropriate. The lack of social graces of some people! Even if it doesn’t come from a perfect stranger, it is still rude from a friend or family. My brother does not want to get married nor have kids, and he once told me, “It’s as rude for people to tell me that I’ll change my mind one day as it would be for me to tell them that they’ll get a divorce or regret having kids one day.” I loved that perspective.

Post # 23
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You handled that very well OP!

I’m of the mind that it’s not my job on this earth to smile through and be polite during someone else’s rudeness and invasive questions and assertions. 

I hope you rated this driver on the app. I know I would pass on a driver if I saw that review . 

Post # 24
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I work with kids… and am used to them saying almost anything, but even they cross the line. One asked me once “do you have kids?” “no” “do you want kids?” “Not right now” “why don’t you like them?” To which I almost responded “becausw they may turn out like you!” 

Post # 25
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

onceuponadream:  I think I fundamentally disagree with you that OP’s response was impolite. Is it impolite to tell someone you disagree with them and their opinions are not going to change your mind? Particularly when that person is a total stranger trying to substitute their own judgment for yours on a matter that is 100% personal? Does politeness always mean nodding your head amicably while someone behaves like an ass? I am pretty non-confrontational in situations like this so I probably would not have said what OP did. But I appreciate that there are people willing to speak up for themselves where people like me would clam up and sit there in our discomfort until the first opportunity to get away.

It’s one thing to share opinions and have a dialogue. That’s miles away from lecturing a perfect stranger about how she’ll regret not having kids because “all women love kids.” It may be his honest opinion, and I suppose he’s entitled to it, but let’s say his honest opinion was that women should all be homemakers and he decided not to let that topic drop after asking OP what she does for work and she responded with doctor/lawyer/engineer? Are we to go ahead and say, “Well, there’s nothing disrespectful there, he was just chatting and sharing his views”?

I think this is a situation that strikes CFBCers much more sharply than it does others. We have to deal with this from family, from friends, from colleagues – and now from random schmos on the street who decide it’s acceptable to tell us, “Well, it’s really up to God whether you have kids or not, so.”

:/

Post # 27
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2015

As someone that is also CFBC I know what rating that Uber driver would get from me…

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