- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Hi guys! I have never posted anything up these types of boards, but I decided to because I am just so tired of my situation.
So I have been with my boyfriend, now fiance for almost ten years. We are going to get married next year in July. My fiance’s family and my family get along nicely as any Asian family would get along. They don’t really talk much, but when they do there are no arguments. We both live together and have a small Yorkie.
Last month in July, I came down to see my parents (I live in Norcal and they live in Socal), in which my Dad was at a business trip and my Mom and my sister were the only ones in the house. That weekend, we made an appointment to look at the wedding location along with my fiance’s parents. Saturday morning, I went to show my mom some of the paperwork and materials we needed for the vendor.
So, the thing about my mom is that she gets really nervous about really small matters and will focus on them. She kept bringing up that she didn’t like it when people clapped at weddings when they wanted people to kiss, what kind of wedding dress I would wear so I wouldn’t look fat, trying to make a contract so my fiance won’t drink too much at our wedding, and insisting I wear my wedding dress to the tea ceremony and never taking it off because it might be bad luck. She really didn’t help me with the planning of the wedding, but more like insult me or told me what she wanted to not happen. I told her politely at first that if she wanted to help me, this was not helping me, but it was making me feel like there were a million other things for me to worry about. She got mad at me and then instead of talking about it with me, she said it was all her fault, that she was a bad mom (in a mocking voice) and said that she did nothing. Basically, I stopped arguing because the argument was becoming very immature.
I decided that I would meet her at the location seperately, so my fiance would go with me, then my sister and my mom would meet us there. My mom was still mad that she said she didn’t even want to go. My sister insisted that she show up because it was important. I met up with everyone and it was going well (we tasted the food, looked at the wedding location, and various other details). We were all talking at the lounge, when my mom went up to my fiance and my fiance’s mother and said that there was something that has been bothering her for some time. We had a suggestion that it would be a cute idea if our dog would be the ringbearer and walk down the aisle to give it to us. My mom hated that idea and told it to my fiance and his mother. Her logic behind it was that it was hurting her feelings for putting out dog in the wedding and my fiance and I were not thinking about her feelings in this wedding at all. Of course, my fiance got mad because he was so confused on how he was hurting my mom’s feelings by putting our dog in the wedding!
Later that night, I decided to talk to my mom and just clear the air and get over what she was mad about. I asked her why she was mad at me and she replied because I said she wasn’t helping me with my wedding. I clarified that she wasn’t helping me by being like this and she could help me more with the planning of the food, location, and the important details. I told her that this wedding wasn’t hers, but it was my wedding to decide what I should or shouldn’t want. Then she got really crazy and said that if the dog was at our wedding, then she wouldn’t go because it meant that we were choosing the dog over her! My dad happened to walk by and he wanted everything to be okay, so he said that I was sorry for hurting my Mom’s feelings. My mom said sorry didn’t come out of my mouth, so that meant I really wasn’t sorry. She then got mad at my Dad because she thought he was on my side, so she pushed him and yelled and then she said she wanted a divorce. She then said my dad could go to the wedding, she would divorce him and she was worthless. I swear that I was just so shocked that all of this was happening. I told her again that what she was doing was very immature and that I only have a couple of days left here in socal and if she really wanted to end it like this. After all that, she still said that I hurt her feelings deeply.
After all this happened, I couldn’t stay at my parents house, so I went and stayed at my friend’s house. My dad kept calling me and telling me to just be the better person and he asked me if I cared about our family and not arguing. Really made me feel bad, so I went back home on my last day and apologized for hurting my mom’s feelings and I hoped that we could move on.
This has been since the end of July until now. My dad asked me why I havent called my Mom ( I honestly think it goes both ways). I have been crying about this everyday and thinking if any of this was my fault. So a couple of days ago, I emailed my mom ( I honestly was scared to call, so I thought the best way would be to e-mail). All I said in the email was how was she, how was everything, and a little snippet of how I was. I CCed my Dad on this, just to verify that I am making an effort. It has been 5 days, in which I know my mom checks her emails everyday. My dad asked her why she hasn’t responded to my email, in which she said that she “accidentally” deleted my email and she can’t answer me back. (She emails me all the time without me emailing her btw). I thought what a load of crap!
So after all this, she told my dad that she is still hurt and how I am being unappreciative and not caring about what she wants for our wedding……..