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posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
47289 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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stressedbridesmaid89 :  It sounds like you haven’t communicated your reality to her either. Tell her now.

Post # 3
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

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stressedbridesmaid89 :  Traditionalyl the bridesmaids are a part of the full day of preparations for the wedding. My ceremony will be at 4:30 in the afternoon and we will likely be getting our hair done early in the day. However, I have a rented a hotel room for my and my bridesmaids to stay in – at my expense. As well, I am paying for their hair and makeup application.

As a bride, I feel like it is your responsibility to be fair and understanding of your maids situations. If I was not going to pay for hair and makeup, I would not expect them to get it professionally done. If I wanted to ensure they would be able to be there all day, I would ensure they have a ride or some place to stay.

However, I do think it is pretty normal for her to expect a bridesmaid to be there that early in the day, even with such a late ceremony. Part of your wedding day is the process of getting ready with your maids. I know for myself it is something I am really looking forward to doing!

I think you definitely need to talk to the bride and explain your situation. Maybe you both can find a fair compromise. Maybe you show up a little later and take care of your hair yourself. Or maybe you get there early but she has someone pick you up! 

Post # 4
Member
12823 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Tell her about your financial constraints. Are you sure she is not providing transportation?

As crazy as it sounds, yes, hair and makeup can easily start that far ahead if there is only one hair and makeup person for everyone. However, you are not obligated to use her people, even if she pays. If you can handle your own hair and makeup, there’s no reason and no appropriate obligation for you to be there that early. Photos are usually taken toward the end of the actual “getting ready.”

Post # 6
Member
5887 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

What does being from the city or a farm have to do with it?

If I was a bridesmaid I would assume you basically agree to being free for the entire day of the wedding regardless of the start time.  Usually the hours before the wedding involve the bridesmaids hanging out with the bride in the run up, it isn’t just about the logistics of getting your makeup done. 

How were you planning on affording to get to the venue for the wedding regardless of needing to be there at 10am or 3pm?  I’m not understanding how time changes this? 

Post # 8
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

The timing isn’t too weird. My hair and makeup started at 10:30am for a 5:30pm wedding. We did the first look and most pictures at 3pm so everyone had to be ready by then.

However, my venue had ample parking. Maybe, see if you can carpool with another bridesmaid? I’m sure you’re not the only once wincing at city prices.

Post # 10
Member
1173 posts
Bumble bee

Can you park your car at a mall or some place nearby and have a bridesmaid pick you from there and drop after the wedding? 

Post # 12
Member
5887 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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stressedbridesmaid89 :  You may have told her you didn’t have a lot of cash but I would assume that is why she is paying for hair and makeup for you. If I was your friend I wouldn’t have assumed, unless you specifically said it, that you couldn’t pay for parking or a taxi.

Your friend wanting her bridesmaids to spend the day with her doesn’t necessarily mean her wedding is “fancy” or “extravagant” and I feel like you are coming across pretty judgey about that. 

So the problem isn’t about start time, the problem is that you can’t afford to get to the wedding at all?

Do you have any friends or a boyfriend or a family member who could give you a ride?  Or a ride half way and you could get a taxi the rest?  Or just a taxi home?

I just don’t see how you were ever going to be able to attend if you can’t find a way to get there. I think you’re being a bit sensitive about getting annoyed at your friend for this. It isn’t her job to sort out parking or the drive over for all her guests. 

Have you asked if maybe she could cancel your makeup and pitch in for the taxi instead? 

just a bit hurt how upset shes at me that i cant afford what shes asking me to do. 

It seems like all she is asking you to do is attend the wedding, not pay for hair, not to pay for makeup, not stay in a hotel etc.  It’s frustrating that you can’t swing it but I don’t think she is being unreasonable. 

Post # 13
Member
10221 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I understand that you must be under a lot of stress with finances, I get it, I truly do.

But you’ve known about this wedding for months. Logically, if I knew I was going to an event I would set a few dollars aside in case any emergencies came up while I was at the event and needed money. Life happens, you can’t always anticipate so you do your best to plan for worst case. 

She’s not asking anything crazy of you. Honestly, this whole post reads a little Beverly Hillbillies with all your talk about city folk and their extravagant ways. 

Post # 14
Member
961 posts
Busy bee

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stressedbridesmaid89 :  Did your accident give you anxiety? Is it possible that the drive to the busy, unfamiliar area you are driving to is making you more stressed out? If you are in the US, they have parking garage apps for your phone that allows you to target a specific venue and find the cheapest public parking places to your destination. That might help you cut down on costs. You might also do well just asking her if you can connect with the bridesmaids via phone or chat so that you can see if someone could carpool with you. Staying the entire day for a wedding is pretty common, and I think there are ways to pretty easily cover the expense of parking — your bride might even do that — so it seems like you might be panicking a bit about the prospect of tackling the wedding in an unfamiliar area?

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