(Closed) Stressed and angry? Poor FI…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Have a special date night.  Focus on why you love each other!

Post # 4
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Boettcher Mansion

It sounds like you’re just really stressed, tired and exhausted! Things get amplified when you’re already feeling this way, so every little nuance will bug you, even if it normally doesn’t. 

I would say try two things: 1) Try to focus on the reasons you love him. By focusing on the positive and reminding yourself of all the good things and good times you’ve had together, you’ll help reframe your thinking and you’ll put yourself in a good place to interact with him. It’s hard to have negative interactions when you focus on the positive!

2) Communicate very clearly and distinctly what you need from him right now. If you’re super stressed and on edge, he’s probably walking on eggshells a bit. If you’re super clear with what you need from him right now, he should have an easier, less stressful time of following through for you. Sometimes guys need explicit directions as to how they can help you, because otherwise they’re afraid they’ll accidently mess up whatever you were trying to do. For example, with the pulled pork, set a timer for however long you want it to broil and then tell him to “please take it out and put it on top of the oven when the timer goes off, or it will burn.” Chances are, if he knows exactly what you want him to do, he will do it for you. 

I definitely think that things have been magnified for you both because of all the stress! You have a lot going on right now, so try to remember to be patient with each other and focus on all the good things going on! 

Post # 5
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This sounds a lot like my DH and I when we first moved in together. I think part of it is that you are getting used to being around each other after the LDR. That’s rough! Also, just wanted to suggest regular date nights. You mentioned working all weekend. I am a teacher so I definitely feel you on working all week and then grading on the weekends. It took me a while to learn what putting my marriage first looks like compared to my career. My DH has and always will be supportive of my career, but I know I need to make a conscious effort to make sure that my job doesn’t take over everything and seep into every aspect of my life. I’m not saying that you are letting that happen, but just remember to take time with him and appreciate him.

Post # 6
Member
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
Purururu:  I’m not usually short-tempered, and I’ve gotten good at letting go of the little things, but when DH and I were getting close to our wedding, I had more trouble. The little things started to bother me (my mind kept thinking – What if I can’t handle [insert little thing] forever?) and things I used to let go turned into arguments. 

If this amount of arguing is new to your relationship, I would bet that it’s due to the stress of living apart, buying a house, and getting married. 

Post # 8
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I was there before and actually am in my peak of being irritable all the time. Everything sets me off. I sat my bf down, took his hands, told him I love him so very much but I am having so much stress lately that I take it out on everything and everyone. I asked him to be patient with me and try to support me through this time. I apologized for my past and future behavior and told him to try not to take stuff personally. We still bicker but it is much better because instead of picking up a fight he understands that I am being fussy for other reasons and he lets me talk it out. I would try honest conversation with apologizing!

Post # 9
Member
5 posts
Newbee

View original reply
Purururu:  I get set off by anything; I cooked pulled pork and put it under the broiler to crisp up a tad, and asked Fiance to watch it. Five minutes later, Fiance comes running and says, “The oven is smoking what do I do?” Ugh! He goes out unannounced, as is, he doesn’t let me know when he arrives at work or out somewhere, so I worry… Those sorts of things.

<br style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-height: 1000000px;” />You need to chill. You are his fiancee, not his parole officer. He sounds like he’s just trying to do well by you, so appreciate him. And if you’re being a moody b who restricts his freedom, I’m not surprised if he leaves without telling you just so he can have a break.

He needs to text you when he gets to work?? Stop being so clingy! Unless he has a history of falling asleep at the wheel, just let him live his life. He’ll text you sometime during the day if he misses you, and you’ll be able to see he’s 100% fine.

It sounds harsh, but you already know you fly off the handle, so control yourself by changing the way you react to him. He does not deserve your mood swings, and honestly he’s a great guy for putting up with your nonsense.

Post # 11
Member
49 posts
Newbee

I would say apologize to him. Tell him that you love him very much, but that you feel very stressed lately and sometimes lash out on him because of that, even though you don’t mean it. 

 

You say though that you’ve always had anger issues and let it out on him, right? If so, I would consider therapy. That’s not supposed to sound mean or so, but I just think it’s a thing you should really work on to ensure a peaceful future. Maybe at this point your SO is still taking it easy, but who knows in a couple of years? I think at some point every man or woman would be really annoyed by a partner who keeps starting fights for no reason. I think you don’t want that and neither does he. 

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