(Closed) Stressed and confused – Long

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ouch! I am so sorry you are going thru this. If it was me (and I realize we are 2 different people here) I would move on. I would move out and start dating or join eharmony. If I guy doesn’t want to marry me I will not waste my time. Life is to short. I wish you the very best no matter what you decide. Smile

Post # 4
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

I too am sorry you’re going through this.  I’m going through the exact same thing.  It’s no fun and it messes with one’s self esteem.   The only difference is he did at one point say he wanted to get married when he got a better job.  My guy tells me how much he loves me but doesn’t want to get married.  But, won’t say NEVER.  Just says he has to work through the fear and figure it out. 

I’m so distraught and miserable and I’m trying to just put one foot in front of the other.  It’s hard to leave someone you love.

Keep me posted and send a private message if you need to…it helps to have people going through the same thing.

It sounds to me like in your situation you might be feeling guilty about walking away while he’s unemployed, especially since you live together.  That has to be tough.  Geeeez!  I keep telling myself things will get better, this isn’t a permanent situation.  Some days I believe it and some days I don’t. 

hang in there and many many good vibes to you!

Post # 5
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@prshadow: Good vibes to you too!

Post # 6
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry you have to go through this too.

I lived with a guy about 3 years ago, and it was the same situation. I think we moved in too soon, and I thought it would mean engagement. To him, it was too much, and I moved out shortly thereafter.

Chances are, he senses your frustration, and is starting to feed off of it. Maybe just try to be a little more positive. I know it’s a lot harder than it sounds, but take pleasure in little (inexpensive!) things. Rent really awful movies and make dinner together, explore new neighborhoods. 

Also, maybe it’s time to sit down and have a “future” talk. Lay out exactly what you want, and find outexactly what he wants. You’ll feel a lot better, regardless, and then it makes going forward that much easier.

Good luck!!

Post # 7
Member
384 posts
Helper bee

It’s a very difficult situation.  I’m glad I haven’t made the “moving in mistake” yet.  Almost happened but luckily he freaked out because he knew to me moving in=engagement soon thereafter. 

this is so hard but I’m going to tun to as many resources (including this board) as I can to make my decision and I hope the OP does as well.  I always said I would live with someone before getting married, and I did with my first marriage – but now I’m thinking it’s not a good idea until you have a ring on your finger. 

 

Post # 8
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I hate that book! I never realized a bunch of paper glued together could shake your confidence so much until I skimmed through that book…I’ll send happy thoughts your way. Hopefully he’ll get some good news soon so that can be some pressure off you guys. 

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