(Closed) Stressed and need some advice…

posted 8 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

He’ll get a little more street smart once he starts working. Just give it some time.

Do you work out? that will help release some of the pressure you’re talking about. any endorphines is good.

Maybe your Fiance just has to take ANY job and continue looking for a job. It’s stressful–my husband has an engineering degree and just took a job at freakin’ Target. Making less than half what his degree would pay. But, you do what you have to do. It’s a job. I don’t make fun of him for it, and it is what it is. After 6 months of looking, he adopted a “beggers can’t be choosers” attitude and is still looking for a career job, but itll come. just encourage him to apply for jobs and if you have time, look for jobs for him. I spent some time helping him out–sometimes i found jobs he didn’t and he was always appreciative.

Post # 4
1 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

You should probably take the time to write out a budget so that your fiance can see all the numbers and amounts you are aiming for. Of course, be realistic with with what you want to spend and consider what you can spend. Just becasue you have the money to get what you want doesn’t mean you should spend it all…especially if you might need some of that extra money in the future if he doesn’t find a job as quickly as I hope he will. However, you should have a honeymoon… you deserve at least one vacation!  

I am a number-orientated person and felt better about spending money on the wedding once everything was on paper and I could see the “final number.”  I think it also helped my fiance see that even if we went a little over to get something better, it still wasn’t excessive, but rather very much affordable. He is still concerned that it is too much… I know it’s not and often have to leave it at “It is in the budget. We planned for this.”

I guess what I am trying to suggest is just be open to talking to him about your finances, (wedding wise and everything else). At least that way you are on the same page. I know that our pastor actually asked us if we have discussed money issues, as it is extremely important! If he can’t understand that you are careful with your money, then you can proove it to him and impress him with a full-on wedding budget. I think The Knot or the Wedding Channel has a free budget tool. And including national averages for individual wedding items (dj, photograpy, food, etc.) would help too just to show what others have had to spend.    Best of luck! 

Post # 5
2 posts
  • Wedding: June 1993


I get the feeling there is something else that is worrying you beside what you’ve stated. You say that you are under budget with the wedding and that you could afford to pay for it all yourself, but still you have this pressure. Where is the pressure coming from? Is your fiance having financial problems because he hasn’t got a job yet and perhaps he’s feeling inadequate about not being able to contribute to the wedding budget and therefore his parents have stepped in? I may be wrong in my assumption but if not, is this in some way connected with the pressure you are feeling?

 Perhaps if you share with him what you are going through you might find that he is going through the same issues himself. Maybe he’s decided to take the easy way out by suggesting you don’t go away on your honeymoon? A lot of men feel that their self worth is linked to their ability to earn an income.

You deserve to have a wonderful wedding and the honeymoon you’ve planned for. Just like you are planning your wedding, you and your future husband also have to plan your marriage so that you start life together as a couple. You need to have a plan in place as to how you are going to address problems in the future and how you’re going to resolve them as a couple. You are two people but when you’re married you will become a partnership. Good luck!


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