Post # 1
Sorry I am remaining anonymous on this thread…
I don’t know how to begin or what I look for in this post, I guess I just need to let it out somewhere..
Me and my Fiance both love each other, we rarely get into argument.. but different circumstances builds up tension…
For example.. my Fiance is 5 yrs older than I am, he just finished his master.. in which, due to circumstances he’s looking for a job that’s not what his education is about. it’s extremely stressful, and the fact that in the past yrs, he has all been devoted in his studies, he’s out of touch in the real world.. on the other hand, i have always been working after I got my degree… as a result, i am more street-smart than he is.. I ended up being the one that always giving the advice on the worldly stuff (he gives a lot of good advice on emotional/spiritual stuff) it’s pretty extreme the stuff that he doesn’t understand and that I would grow so impatient on him.. and I feel bad for being impatient because I want to support him and be respectful to my future husband.. but this whole job/direction seeking is weighing us down a lot..
on the other hand.. his parents is supporting his portion of the wedding.. and I support my portion.. I have kept everything under budget, beating my budget.. and yet I have this pressure that I am not frugal enough about the whole wedding.. when in fact I work so hard to keep everything under budget and I can actually pay for the whole wedding myself.. Fiance even said maybe we shouldn’t go to the resort for honeymoon (we had all agree upon it like a yr ago)… we have never gone on a trips except to visit his parents, because we are avoiding temptation… I think we are still going.. but i just can’t release the pressure… I felt I am wrong and not being understanding…
I am still so happy that our wedding is approaching, and I am not throwing a pity party here.. I guess I just wanna let it out and hopefully I can get some advice or encouragment…
Post # 3
He’ll get a little more street smart once he starts working. Just give it some time.
Do you work out? that will help release some of the pressure you’re talking about. any endorphines is good.
Maybe your Fiance just has to take ANY job and continue looking for a job. It’s stressful–my husband has an engineering degree and just took a job at freakin’ Target. Making less than half what his degree would pay. But, you do what you have to do. It’s a job. I don’t make fun of him for it, and it is what it is. After 6 months of looking, he adopted a “beggers can’t be choosers” attitude and is still looking for a career job, but itll come. just encourage him to apply for jobs and if you have time, look for jobs for him. I spent some time helping him out–sometimes i found jobs he didn’t and he was always appreciative.
Post # 4
You should probably take the time to write out a budget so that your fiance can see all the numbers and amounts you are aiming for. Of course, be realistic with with what you want to spend and consider what you can spend. Just becasue you have the money to get what you want doesn’t mean you should spend it all…especially if you might need some of that extra money in the future if he doesn’t find a job as quickly as I hope he will. However, you should have a honeymoon… you deserve at least one vacation!
I am a number-orientated person and felt better about spending money on the wedding once everything was on paper and I could see the “final number.” I think it also helped my fiance see that even if we went a little over to get something better, it still wasn’t excessive, but rather very much affordable. He is still concerned that it is too much… I know it’s not and often have to leave it at “It is in the budget. We planned for this.”
I guess what I am trying to suggest is just be open to talking to him about your finances, (wedding wise and everything else). At least that way you are on the same page. I know that our pastor actually asked us if we have discussed money issues, as it is extremely important! If he can’t understand that you are careful with your money, then you can proove it to him and impress him with a full-on wedding budget. I think The Knot or the Wedding Channel has a free budget tool. And including national averages for individual wedding items (dj, photograpy, food, etc.) would help too just to show what others have had to spend. Best of luck!
Post # 5
I get the feeling there is something else that is worrying you beside what you’ve stated. You say that you are under budget with the wedding and that you could afford to pay for it all yourself, but still you have this pressure. Where is the pressure coming from? Is your fiance having financial problems because he hasn’t got a job yet and perhaps he’s feeling inadequate about not being able to contribute to the wedding budget and therefore his parents have stepped in? I may be wrong in my assumption but if not, is this in some way connected with the pressure you are feeling?
Perhaps if you share with him what you are going through you might find that he is going through the same issues himself. Maybe he’s decided to take the easy way out by suggesting you don’t go away on your honeymoon? A lot of men feel that their self worth is linked to their ability to earn an income.
You deserve to have a wonderful wedding and the honeymoon you’ve planned for. Just like you are planning your wedding, you and your future husband also have to plan your marriage so that you start life together as a couple. You need to have a plan in place as to how you are going to address problems in the future and how you’re going to resolve them as a couple. You are two people but when you’re married you will become a partnership. Good luck!
Post # 6
Thank you girls! This is why I love it here so much, you all are willing to take the time to understand the situation and give advice.
My brother is paying for our whole honeymoon as a gift, I am extremely grateful now.
The fact that I said I can pay for the whole wedding myself, doesn’t mean I am being proud and want to do whatever I want. I said it so that I have less guilty feeling.. like some of you have said, we all deserve a memorable wedding and honeymoon.. =p
I have to break out a not so great news, my company is being brought out by a big company, that means us working in the overhead department MAYbe laid off. It feels like I am awaiting for the earthquake to hit.
We’ll be staying at my parent after the wedding. It’s a time we are challenged with many change, but we are call to be remain faithful. Right?