(Closed) Stressed And Sad

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am so sorry you are having to go through this, but what about doing a vow renewal at your 3 or 5 year anniversary. You could still do it wedding style and it would give you both an opportunity to get to where you need and want to be.

Post # 4
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry.  Honestly, I’m hoping that there aren’t other things out there that you will have to bail him out of.  It is sort of ridiculous how many bad things are following your husband around.  I’m just hoping that his mistakes are behind him and that you two can move on and save TOGETHER for the wedding.  You might want to consider delaying the big wedding until his finances are in better order since you will be in just as bad a situation if you pay for an expensive wedding and then something else happens.

Also, there are a lot of ways to cut costs, just check out posts on here for how to throw a great wedding for very little.  I wish you two the best and I hope this doesn’t sound harsh!

Post # 5
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Don’t ever say that you don’t deserve a wedding! You do deserve one and I’m so sorry that other financial strains are draining your wedding savings 🙁 Please don’t give up. It’s not uncommon for couples to do the civil ceremony and then have their wedding later. What all were you wanting to do? Were you wanting to do the ceremony as well as the reception? Maybe you could just have a reception and there are many ways to do a lovely one on a small budget. I’m guessing your family isn’t willing to help chip in?

I’m sorry you’re so upset about this and you have every right to be! Maybe it would help if you talked it out with your hubby, explain your feelings. Just don’t give up!

*hugs*!!

Post # 6
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

First of all ((((HUGS)))).  I’m so so sorry you’re feeling stressed and sad, it’s completely understandable.  Second of all, have you had a serious conversation with him about this?  As in, sit him down with no other distractions and say: “Honey, I love you and I will help you through any and everything, but I’m hurting and sad, and I’m not sure you understand how much this wedding means to me.  This is how much money I have saved, and this is how I would like to use it–what urgent things might I need to spend it on instead?  And if I spend it on those things, when will we be financially ready for our wedding?”  Obviously, you two have to stick out the tough times together, and you have been wonderfully understanding; but I hope he fully understands the toll that this has taken on your dream of a beautiful wedding and understands how lucky he is to have a wife who so unquestioningly gives up what she wants when he or his family needs something.  Good luck, and if it doesn’t happen this year, it WILL happen, because you deserve it! 

Post # 8
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

@Ruby – have you considered joint financial planning help?  It might be worth developing a solid plan together, especially given that it seems he has made some poor investment decisions in the past.  This might be a way to develop a plan together and not make him feel badly…..then you can be realistic about all the obligations out there and set a date for the wedding that works.  Who cares if its 2 years away? You still deserve  a wedding!

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I guess I don’t understand why you are saving for a wedding when you technically have a lot of debt due. It’s something I struggle with but something I know lots of people do. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable spending 15K if there are debts/loans/requirements to be paid. Sometimes life gets in the way and we have to adjust accordingly.

His debt is your debt, too. And saving for the wedding instead of paying that off only means the interest gets higher and you pay MORE for it in the long run. That can cripple you.

You say that “you” are paying for a lot of this. What is your SO doing with his money?

You’re basically a team and need to act like one and tackle issues together. You definitely want your finances in order. Sometimes what we want and what we can have don’t necessarily go hand in hand. The ‘dream’ isn’t worth putting you and your husband in financial troubles. You’ll regret it when it’s done, so just be careful!

And get your money back from those relatives. I bet the 2K was a loan, not a gift. I don’t believe in taking money without paying it back.

Post # 10
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Agree with ejs, per usual, but am troubled by the fact that you seem to be shouldering all of the financial burden right now.  Is your husband making any sacrifices in order to dig the two of you out of debt?  As for maturity, he needs to, for lack of a better phrase, man up.  He madea bit of a mess, and the adult thing, the right thing for him to do is work on cleaning it up, not shut down and sulk whenever he’s reminded that he made some poor decisions or exercised less than stellar judgement.

Post # 11
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

What would it look like if he got a second job on the weekends to in essence “pay you back” so you can continue wedding planning and paying down that debt?

By The Way – I consider you unbelievably blessed to sell this home. We were able to sell FH’s condo earlier this year, also at a loss, and I cried at how awesome it was to find a buyer in this market. It’s so bittersweet isn’t it?

Post # 13
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow, well I understand you’re wanting the wedding, ceremony and all, and I just hate that it’s getting more and more difficult to make happen! I wish I knew something else to tell you but I can tell you that if you want this, don’t give up. It may not happen when you want it to but you do deserve one.  I did like the idea of the 3 or 5 year vow renewal, maybe you could have your “wedding” then? And this may sound harsh but as to not wanting to upset your hubby and make him feel guilty by talking to him, that’s not right. He’s a big boy and sometimes, you have to hear the bad, not just the good. And I’m sure it would make him feel worse knowing that you won’t talk to him about this because you’re afraid of how he might feel. He’s your best friend and that goes both ways. Be honest.

Hang in there!

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