Stressed – Brother and Mum not speaking

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Definitely talk to them. Not doing anything about it at all won’t help, nor fix the problem. 

Post # 3
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

My family is going on year six of one of my sisters not talking to my mom, and my brother also not talking to my mom (though there was a period of about six months a couple years ago where he did talk to her). This all followed a messy breakup between my mom and stepdad, which happened about a year or so before my first wedding. Everyone came and just didn’t interact with people they didn’t want to talk to. My family posed together in photos for my sake. Hopefully they’ll do the same at my upcoming second wedding. It is stressful, and I sympathize with your situation. It makes me really upset that people in my family would think its ok to behave the way they are. My brother has a kid who is almost two years old, and my mom has never met her because my brother cut her out. So that adds a whole new layer. 

I learned my lesson trying to be the go-between. You really can’t fix other people’s issues for them. Invite everyone and tell them each it’s really important to you that they be there to celebrate the day with you, and you’d appreciate everyone standing in for pictures because it’s about you, not them. Beyond that, sit them at separate tables, tell them it’s fine if they don’t want to socialize with each other, but anyone causing a scene will be asked to leave. Then let it go. Please don’t run yor sanity into the ground worrying about them.

Post # 4
Member
825 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t worry about it, and I wouldn’t involve yourself in their drama.

The only thing you need to tell them is that you don’t want their issues with each other to affect your wedding. If they can agree to that, it will be fine. You don’t need this added stress right now.

Post # 5
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

At my wedding my in-laws and Brother-In-Law2 weren’t talking to my Brother-In-Law1 because of huge fight between my BIL’s that happened less than a month before my wedding. Oh god, it was super stressful with people threatening not to come and figuring out seating arrangements without making anybody feel left out. In the end everybody attended and we didn’t have any fights simply because we spoke to each party about how important this day was to us and they both understood.

There were a couple of awkward moments such as when the whole family went to the podium to conduct their speeches and Brother-In-Law1 was still sitting in his chair and we didn’t get a complete family photo in fact we didn’t get a single on with either BIL’s but I would recommend staying out of it until your day is closer at which point I would speak to your mom and brother seperately about how significance of this day and while they don’t have to speak to each other they should at the very least steer clear of each other.

Post # 6
Member
6939 posts
Busy Beekeeper

givemesun7 :  

Well, you have already told them how you feel and since   the wedding  isn’t for for another year  and a half, I wouldn’t  bother too much just yet .  Also, be a bit careful with “being  a big part of the wedding plans” At this distance  out, no one but you and FI   will be that involved.  

Just warn them again closer to the date .

Post # 7
Member
6939 posts
Busy Beekeeper

givemesun7 :  

Well, you have already told them how you feel and since   the wedding  isn’t for for another year  and a half, I wouldn’t  bother too much just yet .  Also, be a bit careful with “being  a big part of the wedding plans” At this distance  out, no one but you and FI   will be that involved.  

Just warn them again closer to the date .

Post # 8
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I know it sucks but it isn’t really your place to step in. When they are together and you are around, you can help to facilitate a less awkward gathering, but they clearly have very large issues they cannot resolve at the moment. For a while Darling Husband and I went no contact with one of our family members (about 8 months) and another family member tried VERY hard to resolve things before they were ready to be resolved and it really damaged everyone involved’s relationship with that second person. 

Post # 9
Member
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

givemesun7 :  Stay out of it. Not your problem.

It’s common to have a divorced mother and father of the bride who won’t talk to each other – I’ve been through it myself – and many brides navigate this. So you will mange also.

Just seat them apart from each other at the reception if they’re still not talking by the time of the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
3150 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

givemesun7 :  Like others have said, don’t concern yourself with it. It’s not your problem. They can both choose to not hold a relationship. That doesn’t mean it affects your wedding. You can warn them not to cause any scenes at your wedding. However, if you’re hoping they’ll just go back to having a relationship then that’s not your place or call.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors