- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
My fiance and I have not been together for a particularly long time. We met in April, started living together in July got engaged in October and he wants to get married as soon as possible. We are both in our 30s and want to start having children right away.
He was married for 15 years before his wife left him and I have never been married. He had a small but traditional wedding for his first wedding and his parents paid for it. It was right when he graduated college and he got married on campus.
Our situation is this…
I have a very large family and he has a moderately large family (smaller immediate family but lots of cousins etc.)
We live in NYC (Manhattan) and the cost for a traditional wedding is astronomical. The truth is, I don’t have the time or emotional energy to put into a wedding and neither of us have the finances. He is still 100k in debt from school and we both want to have children right away so the thought of spending anything more than a few thousand on what is a giant party doesnt really resonate with either of us.
I, however, am experiencing a tremendous amount of pressure from my family to have a nice, inexpensive, traditional wedding and they keep telling me if I don’t I will regret it but none of them can help with the finances and just keep saying oh, you will get most of it back in gifts. Ummm no thanks. He, doesnt want to do anything partially because he doesnt care but also because he had his traditional wedding already and he feels like it meant nothing because she walked out on him and therefore her vows were meaningless. I tell him time and again that I am not her but he just makes me feel terrible when I talk about it.
When I talk about various options he says things like “you know how I feel about the whole situation but you do whatever you want and I’ll play the role.” I told him I don’t want something big or fancy but I at least want something pretty where our immediate families can celebrate with us. He just wants to go down to city hall and get it over with so we can be married already.
He thinks the only way I feel the way I do is because my family is guilting me and to some extent they are. My grandmother tells me how its been her dream my entire life to see me get married and dance at my wedding and I have to do it for her and everyone keeps making this huge fuss about it and I don’t want the stress.
I thought of maybe a small ceremony in front of the fountain at lincoln center with just our immediate families and then a nice dinner at one of the restaurants there to celebrate. He says that sounds great and that he wants to get married as soon as possible. I found out that we probably can’t get married in front of the fountain and asked him for suggestions for other pretty spots and he said I am just trying to pick a fight. I told him he could try and put some effort into it but he doesnt do a thing other than tell me he wants to get married over and over again.
I don’t know what to do. I just feel like this entire thing is confusing me and making me extremely sad.