- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I couldn’t sleep well last night because I’m worried about his so I’m asking for some of you lovely ladies to give me your thoughts on my situation.
My Fiance is in a job where he has specialized and sub-specialized himself into a very specific role. He could get many jobs in some of the less specialized areas he is qualified for, but his dream job includes working (at least some of the time) in his specialty. He is finishing his training for that specialty this year and currently looking for jobs for next year.
There are only about 70 places in the US that even do the type of procedure he has chosen to specialize in. After we eliminated areas we don’t want to live – too cold, etc. – there are only a handful of places left. The top two choices, both of which sound very interested in hiring him at this point, are on the east coast (where we currently live) and are one state away from each other – VA and NC.
The job in VA sounds like it will put him at a higher level (I don’t think it involves more $, but it is more prestigeous, etc.) and I know he is more interested/excited about that opportunity than the one in NC. He wants to know if I’ll be happy living there though and I don’t know if I will.
We currently live in NC and all of my family is here. We are a very close family, and even though I went to VA for college for four years, I know if we moved there the 4 hour drive would mean I wouldn’t get to see them much. Even more significant to me is the fact that the city in VA where he would work is much smaller – no good shopping, fewer cultural events and fewer young (20-30 year old) people to meet. It is a beautiful area, but I feel that at 25 I’d want to live in a place with more events and opportunities. Also, I recently took the GRE and want to go back to school for a change of career, and NC has more graduate school opportunities for me. He is definetly going to be the bread winner (at least at this point) and has more of a career than I do…I currently have my own business and do fine, but want a change of pace.
So going to VA I would lose my job and have less grad school opportunities and live in a much smaller city, but it may be a better career move for him (it is hard to tell at this point). Stayin in NC would mean I would have better grad school options at a much lower cost than VA and I would be about 30 min away from family, which would be great for when we have a family…about 4 years from now, I’m guessing. He would have a good job and probably make about the same amount of money – maybe a little less – but he wouldn’t be a Director of a program, which the job in VA is supposedly going to offer him. These types of jobs aren’t ones you usually do for a few years and then transfer – they are usually long-term – so whereever we live will probably be fairly permenant.
He wants me to tell him if I’d live in VA. I know he is more interested in the job there and I feel like if I say “no, I’d rather stay in NC where I have better job opportunities, friends, family, etc.” he will feel like I’m holding him back. I don’t want him to look back and resent me for stifling his career, but I want to be honest and I don’t want to look back myself and resent him for making it harder for me to find a career that fits for me in a bigger city where I already have friends and family.
Honestly, neither city is a bad place to live, so on that end I’m very lucky. I know he loves me and wants me to be happy and if I say no to VA he won’t take the job, but I feel like that is being selfish in some ways. I can’t say for sure I won’t be happy there (you never know until you try it). Still, if we move there, it will be hard for me to find work or go back to school. And I’ll be in a smaller city without the family/friend network I have in NC.
Thanks for your feedback.