Post # 1
Hey ladies, its been a couple of months since I got married (5 months ago). Everything was the same with my husband as they had been when we were dating at first (we fought but nothing ever major) but now they seem to have become worse 🙁 My husband has always been pretty stressed and a bit ocd. Now it seems like everyday I get yelled at for something and I’m seriously sick of it. It seems like I can’t do anything right in his eyes, To him I suck at basically everything from doing dishes/laundry/to making dinner and if I screw something up I get yelled at for it then he ignores me. It hurts and recently he says he needs “Alone time” he said I am around him 24/7 and hes sick of it. What he doesn’t seem to understand is I only work 15-20 hours a week at work, I hardly have any friends here (I moved into his house, in a new town) so I can’t just find someone to hang out with all the time and leave, plus I don’t really have the money to go out most of the time. I feel like I am being kicked out of my own house most of the time. He sometimes goes out with friends by himself but most of the time he wants me to leave.
I have never been clingy but I do like to spend time with him, it seems like if I spend more then one day with him he tells me to back off.
So yeah..i’m pretty upset. I wish we could see a therapist but we don’t have the money to do that right now.
Any advice would be appreciated, I’m at my wits end 🙁
Post # 3
So, wait, he tells you to leave? What?
Post # 4
Can you write him a letter or an email? Express your feelings in a non-accusatory way, you just want to open up forms of communication and see where he’s coming from. Let him respond to it on his own time, though he should respect you enough to be willing to talk about your marriage.
How were things before the wedding? Is this a total 180?
Post # 4
Your husband seems to be acting immature and very rude. I’m a little hot headed but if someone said they were sick of seeing me 24/7…I would leave and let them see how it is to see me 0/7 (lol) …I’m serious. Give him what he is aasking for and if he doesn’t quickly realize what he has then he has some issues.
Post # 5
Can I ask what he does for a living? Seems like theres something going on with him, and hes using small things to take his anger out on.
Post # 6
Does he work? Many employers have Employee Assistance Programs where you can get free counselling.
Post # 7
Uhh what?! I think there are bigger issues here. He cant just tell you to leave your home. Just because HE bought the home and you moved in doesnt mean he has any larger claim to it now that you are married. I think this needs to be addressed ASAP. There are places where you can obtain counseling/therapy FOR FREE. I would look into this more.
Post # 8
Whoa, wait a minute, are you serious? He is sick of you being there 24/7; does he work? He tells you to leave? And you do? I am practically speechless. Obviously this situation requires counseling and you may be able to find low-cost/free resources in you area. Personally, if I was ever seriously asked to leave my home, I would – and just keep going.
Post # 9
Just curious – how long were you two together before you got married? And, what does he do for a living?
If he has health insurance with his employer, he should have access to counseling. You both should go to couples counseling so you can have a neutral third party help mediate. It will help to talk these issues out openly.
It may be helpful to get out of the house together…go on a coffee/dessert date or go out to dinner. I know money is tight but you can maybe splurge one night in the week and save the rest of the week. Getting out of the house and talking/interacting outside of the house will not only prevent him from losing his temper in public (hopefully, or that’s a whole other issue), but it can maybe help build your connection. Being at home together all the time can lead to nitpicking sometimes (not saying what he’s doing is okay). You both may just need some fresh air together.
Last, writing a letter or email can always help. Writing your thoughts out in a non-accusatory way but standing firmly on things important to you will hopefully get your point across but in a more thought out, carefully worded way.
I will say, for him to demand for you to leave and nitpick on every little thing is NOT okay and will only get worse if it’s not dealt with now. The house is both of yours now that you are married and you should view it that way. Good luck!
Post # 10
so let me get this straight, he yells at you for dishes, laundry, cooking, etc AND tells you to leave your home? when you moved FOR HIM and have no friends in the area and not enough money to be leaving all the time? i agree with @garden_bride: leave, like he asked you to! maybe then he will realise he has to start contributing around the house too, and leave the house himself sometimes! the house belongs to BOTH of you, not just him!