(Closed) Stressed Out Bee. NEED YOUR OPINION

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

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@ChelseaBells:  But I also don’t feel like either of them have an understanding for how diffucult it will be for us to attend, and the sacrifices we may have to make. I dont’t know..maybe that is not their concern? Just like we are worrying about our own wedding, their have to worry about theirs…

That’s the whole point.  They’re worried about their wedding, not you or your plans for the future, and yet they expect you to jump through hoops for them to be there and will “freak out” if you don’t.  That’s why this whole situation rubs me the wrong way.  You already said your Maid/Matron of Honor and brother aren’t spending anything close to thousands of dollars to attend/be in your wedding.  You may be worried about your wedding, of course you are.  Brides are allowed to be a bit selfish when it comes to their big day…but not to the point of saying ‘spend thousands on me and my day or it means you don’t love me” (which is what it sounds like it’s going to turn into since you already said they’re both ‘expecting’ you to come).  

Post # 33
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011 - St. Joseph's Parish, Seattle Tennis Club

Do you have airline miles that could help with the cost of flights? There are some pretty good saver awards out there if you have miles with certain airlines. 

Post # 34
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@ChelseaBells: I don’t think you should delay buying a house. I think you can definitely compromise with both of these destination weddings, though.

For your best friend, you can still be very involved with planning her shower and her bachelorette party. If you can’t afford her wedding because of your other life plans, just tell her. If she’s really your best friend, she’ll understand. If my best friend told me she was putting off buying a house to attend my wedding, I’d tell her she’s crazy!

For your brother, you could plan a big family pot luck before they leave for their wedding. Invite whoever is local, toast the couple, and wish them well. 

Don’t feel guilty for planning an amazing honeymoon (I’m jealous!) and purchasing a home. If you feel that’s what’s best for you in your life right now, then be honest and up front with your best friend and brother. As many posters have said, when you plan a destination wedding, you have to accept that not everyone is going to be able to come. Best of luck to you!

Post # 35
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with PP that say you need to go to both weddings. If your brother and Maid/Matron of Honor told you they couldn’t attend your wedding, can you imagine how hurt you’d be? Even if you understoon and they had legitimate reasons? Also, if you don’t go, you’ll regret it. And every anniversary they have, will be a reminder that you didn’t go. 

I think you can make this work. You have a long time to save up the money, even if you’re saving for a wedding. Can you cut the cost of the price of the destination weddings? For instance, once you know for sure you’re going, watch flight websites for the best deal. Get a cheap hotel room, etc. 

If you really get stressed, get a part time job as one PP suggested. If you work minimal hours, within the time frame of a year you can still make up a lot of extra money. 

There are ways to do this without sacrificing much. 

Post # 36
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m having a destination wedding in Mexico and I would be PISSED if anyone put themselves out to attend!!! Seriously!!! I do NOT WANT to put my friends and family in debt! Two of my siblings actually won’t make it to mine and it’s ok. It’s part of having a destination wedding. Sure, I wish everybody could make it but the trip for 2 people costs $3000. 

Lots of resorts will do a video stream so you might be able to watch the ceremony online. You should talk to your brother/bestie about it. I think if you point out the amount of money that will be, they should accept your dilemma. You can totally still do wedding stuff with them, like bachelorette parties or showers or dress shopping. You can give them a gift and still be involved.

I do think some of the other posters had some good ideas too though. Read through everything and do what is best for you guys. Hugs.

Post # 37
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

This is tough, as both these weddings are important, and not just random acquaintances or distant cousins. You’ve expressed how you feel about destination weddings, and although you wouldn’t have one youself, try to imagine how you would feel if you very important people to you tell you they can’t come to your wedding because of costs (non-destination weddings are expensive too, and “expensive” is all relative). Just as you don’t want to change your life plans around other people, I don’t think you can expect your Maid/Matron of Honor or brother to do the same. To be honest, I would try to make both and hold off for another 6 mos or so to buy a house, but that’s just me. If you can’t make it to both, I would suggest organizing an event at home for your Maid/Matron of Honor to show your support for her, although you’ve expressed a disliking for these events. I know it’s easy to get caught up in life planning, but everyone else is in the same boat, were you surpised that your brother and Maid/Matron of Honor got engaged? Again, if it were people you’re not that close to then this wouldn’t be so much of an issue, but I think having close relationships means give and take and some sacrifices from time to time on both ends. If you feel that neither of these people would make a similar sacrifice for you, then by all means don’t go. The comment by your Maid/Matron of Honor was innappropriate and I can only hope that it was a joke.
In the end, if these two people are very important to me, I’d find a way to go

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