Post # 1
I have been engaged for a few months and after we got engaged my fiance was all about wedding planning right away. We are having help from my parents for about half of what we thought the wedding would cost, and he is willing to help with the other half. Well.. recently him and I sat down to discuss costs to get a general idea of the total we would be spending and we are 1/3 short money wise. It’s a BIG difference and I don’t know what to do!
I am a recent college graduate who hasn’t had ANY luck finding a job, so I have no money for a wedding. 🙁 My fiance is stressed out right now with money issues because he was trying to fix a house (to flip and sell) that has more problems than he thought, which has drained his accounts. My parents also recently had money issues because my dad ended up in an accident and they had to pay for hospital and dr’s bills.
We are getting to the point where it isn’t even realistic to plan a wedding right now and everything has been put on hold.
We originally wanted a destination wedding to cut costs, but I didn’t like the idea of having to compromise my wedding dress and also come home from our honeymoon to have a party here to celebrate with everyone who wasn’t able to make it to the destination wedding. I later realized I really didn’t want a destination wedding.
Him and I are fighting all the time lately because we are both so stressed out, and we can end up saying some pretty hurtful things to one another. I know deep down neither of us mean what we say to be hurtful but it is getting to the point where I don’t know what to do anymore. The last time we fought was 4 nights ago, and I haven’t seen or talked to him since.
Unfortunately, his parents are absolutely no help in this process. My fiance has asked his mom several times if there is any way she could help us out financially, and she never gave him a response. She always seems to change the subject. My fiance doesn’t feel comfortable asking his dad for help because he feels like his dad has done enough for him to get on his own two feet already. (His parents are divorced btw).
I feel like his parents really should help financially because even though “traditionally” the bride’s family pays for the wedding, I am not really a traditional bride. I feel like they should help if they can, which I think they can more than my parents can financially. I am marrying into a VERY LARGE family, whereas my family is pretty small. I haven’t even met probably half of the people we would invite from his side for our wedding and we have been together 5 years!!
So.. what do you bees think I should do? There’s alot going on in this post, sorry it’s so all over the place but any help is definitely appreciated!!!!
Post # 3
I think you should sit your fiance down and talk about your finances to see what is realistic and what isnt. Come up with a budget that he is comfortable with and stick with it. It sounds like your fiance is feeling the pressure of having to pay for the wedding and try to pay to repair the house and its just too much for him right now. Maybe put the wedding on hold until he gets the house sold and you are able to find a job. Unfortunately his family is not obligated to contribute to your wedding even if they have funds available to do so.
Post # 4
Honestly – if this is the wedding that you must have, then I would postpone it until you find a job, or something else changes with your financial situation. Weddings are stupidly expensive, and there are always things that crop up that you didn’t count on (I’m dealing with that right now1) so if your budget is already short, you need to make some changes. Either find a way to have the wedding that you want on 85-90% of the budget you think you will have (because there will always be last minute overages), or re-think the wedding style all together – unfortunately, you can’t make your finace’s parents contribute towards the wedding that you want, even if the guest list is heavily skewed towards their side.
Post # 5
@glittergirl2: I hate to say it but it might be best to postpone it for now. You engaged and you love each other so there is no need to rush. You want to have the wedding of your dreams and it cost to do that. Start a savings for your wedding fund and buikd it up that way…
HOPE THIS HELPS…HUGS
Post # 6
I would postpone while you look for a job/FI flips his house. Weddings are stressful but being financially unstable is super stressful. If you are fighting to the point of not talking for days its time to re-evaluate. Either you change your expectations or you change your date. I understand wanting the wedding you want so if it were me I’d just push it back.
Your In-laws are not required to contribute, the flipside of that is you are not obligated to invite every distant cousin/great aunt.
Post # 7
Thanks for the advice bees.. I really don’t think either of us want to put off the wedding until a later date. We have already been together for 5 years and we both think this is a long enough engagement. It isn’t until next Novmeber, but who knows when I will be able to get a job to put aside money.
I do understand that my future in-laws are not obligated to help with any part of this, but my fiance’s mom seemed upset we weren’t including her in anything like choosing our possible date and venue. I do feel like I should include her in some things, but I guess I am just bitter.. like if she doesn’t want to help financially, then why should I allow her to have a say in anything? (I realize how rude this sounds).. Do you think we are just going to have to settle for our wedding?