Post # 1
I’m feeling pretty stressed these days. Work is ramping up (new boss, heavier workload, new processes, new responsibilities). And my wedding is 3.5 months away.
Some people in my life (whom I love, but am getting a bit short-fused with), keep seem to be adding things to my to-do list, when it would really help for them not to do so or even offer to help take things off my list.
Eg. two people have asked me to help coordinate rides to the wedding. Someone else gave me something to proofread (not related to the wedding).
What’s a nice way not to lose my cool but turn someone down when they want to add something to my list. Just don’t have the bandwidth right now…
Post # 3
You need to learn to say no. It isn’t youre responsibility to coordinate rides. If you have a wedding web site, maybe add something on there like a notes or discussion section for people to car-pool… but even that is going out of your way.
Seriously though – say no to things that you don’t HAVE to do.
Post # 4
@futuremrsfitz18: What’s a diplomatic way to say no — for example, when someone wants you to help coordinate a ride?
Post # 5
Who needs you to coordinate a ride? Can you give me a few more details like how far is the ride, city or country setting etc? Then I can help find a response that’s nicer than No which is what I want to say!
Post # 6
I always go with ‘honesty is the best policy’ – so, for example, the person wanting you to help coordinate a ride; “I’m so sorry, I really wish that I could help but I’m just so slammed with other stuff!’ If you can think of someone else who may be able to assist said individual, you can add onto the end ‘maybe see if ____ can give you a hand!’
No one’s going to fault you for being busy! I just think that its human nature to consider our own selves first (albeit selfish) and when asking others for help we don’t often stop to consider that other people, too, are busy and have other things that are equally, if not more, important. A gentle reminder should do the trick!
Post # 7
“Sorry, but I don’t think I am the best person to help with that”
“Do you think there is anyone else who could work that out better than I can?”
“I just have a lot on my plate and I am not sure I will be able to get the task done as well as I would want to for you”
Post # 8
People can only add things to your list if you let them.
Turn off your people-pleasing instinct, and learn how to say no!
Post # 9
“I’m sorry, I really can’t help you with that. You may be able to find a good shuttle/taxi service on Yelp.”
Post # 10
We had people ask us to coordinate rides. Luckily I have a great family becuase they were more than willing to help out. If it is FI’s side, have his mother help figure it out. If it is your side have your mom or someone in your family help figure it out.
As far as non-related wedding items go that people are asking you to do you need to stand up for yourself and just tell them you are a little overwhelmed right now. They will understand.
Post # 11
Thanks, all! Going to start saying “no” a lot more often. My awesome fiance was helping out a lot with the wedding planning (and we got a lot done), but he’s now all consumed between studying for a big test + work. I did tell him that I would support him with studying for the test by taking on the remainder of the wedding stuff — hope it all gets done.
Post # 12
@36goldfish: If it’s wedding related help, hand it off to your SO, a maid or family member. If it’s not wedding related say any of what the PPs have said. Why on earth would someone ask a bride to proofread anything? OBVIOUSLY your head is going to be elsewhere. Silly silly people. 🙂
Post # 13
@californiaraisin: Agreed. Just be honest and tell them you have alot on your plate right now. If you feel bad, refer them to someone else to help like your mother or Maid/Matron of Honor, if they are helpful.