(Closed) Stressed to the max and upset at fiance, advice!!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

[account blocked for trolling]

Post # 18
Member
9819 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@AshleyR83:  Oops, sorry. I would be pissed too, you are working so hard for your job AND your wedding, and he is just working on his job, and drinking with colleagues. It is his wedding too, he should be helping!

Post # 21
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Do you think you can get a wedding planner to help you out? That would relieve some stress from you and your fiance. Good luck!

Post # 22
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AshleyR83:  Oh, I had forgotten you and your Fiance are attorneys.  Well talk about stress!  There was a reason I didn’t go to law school ! ๐Ÿ™‚ (I was a paralegal for a while)  I agree the dynamics are a little unusual compared to other industries.  The attorneys I worked with would go out drinking together all the time after pulling all nighters and being in the office on weekends.  Many people don’t realize the number of hours new associates have to put in and trying to impresses the partners is all part of the game.

Your wedding is close so I know there’s a lot of details that are last minute and need to get done.  I realize it’s your FI’s wedding too, but can you have a girlfriend look at the spreadsheet you need to give to the caterer?  That way you’re not putting anything else on his shoulders.  I would have loved for my Darling Husband to be more involved in the actual wedding planning but I think most guys leave it up to us gals to take care of everything.

One of my friends was extremely stressed the couple of weeks leading up to her wedding and I told her to take either a few hours, or even an entire day or days to have a wedding-free zone.  It really did help.  Maybe you need to do that too, like I said, even if it is for a few hours.  Maybe you and your Fiance can have a “date night” where you don’t discuss wedding stuff also.

You WILL get through this.  Be good to yourself in the process. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 24
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I with you with the hanging up thing.  That is such an awful and childish thing to do I think.  But that being said, my fiancee does it to me too when he’s mad at me.  I’m sorry you’re so stressed honey.  Just try to breathe!!!

Post # 25
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Cut yourself some slack, it sounds like you are handling all of this well! People fight, especially when they are apart and busy with work. I would say lean on your friends or family to help out with detail stuff if you can, especially things like confirming lists and stuff. That way you and your fiance can focus on each other. 

Post # 26
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@AshleyR83:  No suggestions just hugs and remember it will all be over soon. We’ve all gotten in ridiculous arguments after a few drinks. Hang in there!

Post # 27
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

No advice, just something my grandmother used to say:

Arguing with a drunk is like wrestling with a greased pig, only after a minute or two, you figure out that the pig kinda likes it.

Post # 28
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

Take a deep breath. There is A LOT of stress in your lives right now. Any one of those things – wedding three weeks away, new job for FH or your long hours, by itself would cause stress and arguments, all three together at the same time – no wonder why you’re both stressed. Give yourself a deadline that in one week, whatever isn’t done for your wedding isn’t going to happen, let it go, so that you can relax and enjoy this special time. I’m sure your plans are fantastic and you don’t need to stress about the rest. Give your FH some slack, starting a new job is rough and traveling is even worse  he probably feels bad about it as well. For whatever reason, men require a very direct “I need you to do…(fill in the blank) by….(fill in date).” yes, we wish they would WANT to help us without us having to ask but that is unlikely to happen. Pick your battles and be direct. If he thinks its appropriate to drink that much with new coworkers, really – that’s his decision and I don’t think you’re responsible for that or going to change it. In terms of your hours, I think you and your FH should sit down and discuss what kind of hours are acceptable for both of you as a couple, the hours and demands only increase as you become more successful you need to pick what is important to you. One of my mentors advised me “measure your success by what you gave up to get there” interesting.  You’ll look back at this time and laugh and wonder how you did it all. Best wishes!

Post # 29
Member
2780 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@AshleyR83:  Yikes! It’s never healthy to get mean in a fight, but sometimes it just happens. You really shouldn’t be nagging him about his choices. If he wants to get drunk that’s his choice, it doesn’t soundlike he has a drinking problem, it sounds like he’s been very stressed himself and needed to cut loose for a night. You shouldn’t have gotten so upset and confrontational with him about it. I think you owe him an apology for over reacting and he owes you an apology for being hurtful.

Post # 30
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I am notorious for hanging up during fights which i pay dearly for because it just makes my Fiance explode, possibly one of the worst things you can do to him that will surely make him lose it.

I think you owe him an apology though, I know you’re stressed and probably just want to throw something at the wall but its not his fault and he is trying to do good, hes just not as good at getting things done as you want him to be.

maybe create a calendar or set reminders in his phone?

 

Post # 31
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If I can give you any advice it would be “It’s almost over”.

The last few weeks leading up to the wedding I dont know how my fiance and I didnt kill each other.  Many arguments.. I felt like I was asking him to do things and he just wasnt doing them (simple things too) it was frustrating annoying.. etc then his mother was making things difficult and things literally just kept on coming up.

BUT….. soon enough.. it will be over and in a way you’ll probably be glad its over (I’m very glad its all over and done with hahaha) and then you’ll wonder what the heck you’re supposed to do with yourself! I have a lot of free time now (hasnt even been two weeks since we got married) and well.. I’m enjoying it ๐Ÿ™‚

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