- 7 years ago
- Wedding: January 2012
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@CarmelFudgery: That’s basically the conversation I had with him. And the drinking – eh, it just irritated me b/c I wanted him to review a spreadsheet and I knew with him drinking he would obviously not be 100% focused on doing that. And this spreadsheet is what we’re giving our paper vendor that has the table numbers, names of guests and entree choices, so one mistake could kind of be a bad thing. Sigh. It’s just terrible timing b/c he is obviously excited about the job but I am wayyy more focused on the wedding.
Do you think you can get a wedding planner to help you out? That would relieve some stress from you and your fiance. Good luck!
@AshleyR83: Oh, I had forgotten you and your Fiance are attorneys. Well talk about stress! There was a reason I didn’t go to law school ! 🙂 (I was a paralegal for a while) I agree the dynamics are a little unusual compared to other industries. The attorneys I worked with would go out drinking together all the time after pulling all nighters and being in the office on weekends. Many people don’t realize the number of hours new associates have to put in and trying to impresses the partners is all part of the game.
Your wedding is close so I know there’s a lot of details that are last minute and need to get done. I realize it’s your FI’s wedding too, but can you have a girlfriend look at the spreadsheet you need to give to the caterer? That way you’re not putting anything else on his shoulders. I would have loved for my Darling Husband to be more involved in the actual wedding planning but I think most guys leave it up to us gals to take care of everything.
One of my friends was extremely stressed the couple of weeks leading up to her wedding and I told her to take either a few hours, or even an entire day or days to have a wedding-free zone. It really did help. Maybe you need to do that too, like I said, even if it is for a few hours. Maybe you and your Fiance can have a “date night” where you don’t discuss wedding stuff also.
You WILL get through this. Be good to yourself in the process. 🙂
@country chic: That is so funny that you said that b/c we’ve had a few paralegals who when they first arrived, said they wanted to go to law school and now a year out and they’re like helllll no! It is an insane industry and you are right that going out and drinking and being social is important – which is why I do understand that FH was mad at me that he missed this particular unofficial dinner. Sigh.
LOVE the idea of having a wedding free night or a few hours. I feel like I am 100% nagging him all the time about wedding stuff. About a month or so ago we had a wedding free weekend and it was wonderful. I don’t think we have time to do a whole weekend but he gets back from NYC on Thurs night and we actually have dinner plans at a really nice restaurant on Sat night, so I think maybe we can make Sat night our wedding free zone.
Thank you for your kind words. 🙂 I can’t believe the wedding is in 2.5 weeks!!! I hope to return to being a sane and normal person post wedding. 🙂
I with you with the hanging up thing. That is such an awful and childish thing to do I think. But that being said, my fiancee does it to me too when he’s mad at me. I’m sorry you’re so stressed honey. Just try to breathe!!!
Cut yourself some slack, it sounds like you are handling all of this well! People fight, especially when they are apart and busy with work. I would say lean on your friends or family to help out with detail stuff if you can, especially things like confirming lists and stuff. That way you and your fiance can focus on each other.
No advice, just something my grandmother used to say:
Arguing with a drunk is like wrestling with a greased pig, only after a minute or two, you figure out that the pig kinda likes it.
Take a deep breath. There is A LOT of stress in your lives right now. Any one of those things – wedding three weeks away, new job for FH or your long hours, by itself would cause stress and arguments, all three together at the same time – no wonder why you’re both stressed. Give yourself a deadline that in one week, whatever isn’t done for your wedding isn’t going to happen, let it go, so that you can relax and enjoy this special time. I’m sure your plans are fantastic and you don’t need to stress about the rest. Give your FH some slack, starting a new job is rough and traveling is even worse he probably feels bad about it as well. For whatever reason, men require a very direct “I need you to do…(fill in the blank) by….(fill in date).” yes, we wish they would WANT to help us without us having to ask but that is unlikely to happen. Pick your battles and be direct. If he thinks its appropriate to drink that much with new coworkers, really – that’s his decision and I don’t think you’re responsible for that or going to change it. In terms of your hours, I think you and your FH should sit down and discuss what kind of hours are acceptable for both of you as a couple, the hours and demands only increase as you become more successful you need to pick what is important to you. One of my mentors advised me “measure your success by what you gave up to get there” interesting. You’ll look back at this time and laugh and wonder how you did it all. Best wishes!
@AshleyR83: Yikes! It’s never healthy to get mean in a fight, but sometimes it just happens. You really shouldn’t be nagging him about his choices. If he wants to get drunk that’s his choice, it doesn’t soundlike he has a drinking problem, it sounds like he’s been very stressed himself and needed to cut loose for a night. You shouldn’t have gotten so upset and confrontational with him about it. I think you owe him an apology for over reacting and he owes you an apology for being hurtful.
I am notorious for hanging up during fights which i pay dearly for because it just makes my Fiance explode, possibly one of the worst things you can do to him that will surely make him lose it.
I think you owe him an apology though, I know you’re stressed and probably just want to throw something at the wall but its not his fault and he is trying to do good, hes just not as good at getting things done as you want him to be.
maybe create a calendar or set reminders in his phone?
If I can give you any advice it would be “It’s almost over”.
The last few weeks leading up to the wedding I dont know how my fiance and I didnt kill each other. Many arguments.. I felt like I was asking him to do things and he just wasnt doing them (simple things too) it was frustrating annoying.. etc then his mother was making things difficult and things literally just kept on coming up.
BUT….. soon enough.. it will be over and in a way you’ll probably be glad its over (I’m very glad its all over and done with hahaha) and then you’ll wonder what the heck you’re supposed to do with yourself! I have a lot of free time now (hasnt even been two weeks since we got married) and well.. I’m enjoying it 🙂
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