(Closed) Stressed/irritated, could use some advice :[

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I heard the SAME thing.  We had a 2+ year engagement for financial reasons.  We would have loved to have gotten married last summer, but we wouldn’t have been able to afford it.

I too thought it was rude that people kept asking.  It’s really none of their business and I’m not going to inform them that it was about money. 

I made my standard answer, “Why rush?”

By The Way, I also feel you on people getting engaged & married before you.  A friend who is younger, has been with her Fiance less time, etc. got engaged this summer and gets married in 3 weeks.  And had the audacity to complain that her dad “only” gave her $40,000 towards the wedding.  I ignore people like this ;o)

Post # 4
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I getting married about a week before you, and I’ve had people ask me that too – and it’s really not any of their business! Just tell them that you’re waiting until your are more financially stable, and leave it at that. 

The way I look at it, I’m getting an extra long engagement so I can really enjoy it! I’m hoping planning won’t be as stressful for me, because I have so much time to do it!! I’m sure people who are asking you questions aren’t trying to imply that you have doubts – just try not to let them get to you…you guys are doing what’s right for you and that’s all that matters!

Post # 5
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

You don’t have a long engagement at all! I think 1-2 years is average. Ours is longer, because of school reasons. We wanted to be completely financially independent before getting married, as that’s an important marker for both of us. People still asked, “well, why get engaged so early then?” like it’s any of their business…. it’s not! It’s between R and me. 

Somehow when it comes to weddings, people take an engagement as license to meddle. Just smile and say “this is what works for us.” I really don’t think any more explanation is necessary. 

Post # 6
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Well dang! I wish we had a longer engagement! I was almost exactly a year (by two days) and it didn’t feel long enough to get everything done, have everything I wanted, etc. Have the people that said that never planned a wedding?

Post # 7
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You’re right, it truly is no one’s business, and you shouldn’t have to justify your reasons. Your reasons are very mature and responsible!

I would just tell people, “Oh, I know, it’s pretty far off, but it was right for us and our timeline!”

We had a 14-month engagement, and that was because he proposed in July, and we really wanted a fall wedding, but couldn’t get one together in just a few months. And the wait killed me. If I had people asking about it, it would have stressed me out, too. I’m sorry, hun ๐Ÿ™

Post # 8
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

13 months is long?! Oh goodness. That’s not long, you’re “average’ as far as i’m concerned! You don’t have to justify yourself to those people. Just shrug and say, “eh, there’s no rush” and smile

Post # 10
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Awww that’s super annoying. I think hotchild’s response is a good one and I don’t really have advice to offer but to say that I simply do not understand why people say some of the things they say? Like why do you CARE how long someone else’s engagement is? Why would anyone even question that to begin with? I don’t get it at all.

Not that my or anyone else’s opinion matters at all, but I think you and your Fiance have perfectly good and responsible reasons for doing things the way you’re doing them.

@hotchild – oh ONLY $40K? The nerve of that man….

Post # 11
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

We did a 15 month engagement and it flew by.  Don’t let anyone bug you about this… just stick to your guns! It’s your wedding, career, relationship and life!

Post # 13
47 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

I got engaged 2 months ago, and our wedding date is May 21, 2011. And yes I get those comments too, so I feel your pain! My fiance and I are paying for the whole wedding ourselves, and quite honestly even planning a very budget affair, we need time to save! We would also like to trade our condo for a house soon after the wedding. Also, I’m starting grad school May 2010 and will finish May 2011. It’s an accelerated Masters program so it’s not really possible to take a break for a wedding and honeymoon, and we don’t want to split up the wedding and honeymoon.

So… we could either get married BEFORE May 2010 (which we probably wouldn’t be able to afford to do, and also I’d kind of like to enjoy being engaged for a while longer than that… both of us have ZERO doubts so why rush it?) or we could wait until May 2011. We decided to wait. Do I sometimes wish our date were sooner? HELL YES – I wanted September 2010 originally. And people’s comments do get annoying. I went to my first bridal show yesterday and all the vendors pretty much gave me the brush off, saying I had tons of time to plan. (Which – not really, because we’re trying to plan as much as possible before I start school and lose all my free time in May.) But financially and school-wise, this just makes the most sense for us.

Bottom line: people can be sort of clueless and thoughtless. I for one think your reasons for waiting make a lot of sense. I think you’ll enjoy the process more if you don’t have to worry as much about the financial aspect of things.

Post # 14
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@nurselindsay and kittyachi: JUST from HER dad.  They also have contributions from her mom, and his parents.  And she kept complaining that it wasn’t enough.  Ugh.

Post # 15
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We had a few reasons. We bought a house first. Then a couple family emergencies and health issues came up that delayed our planning. We also wanted to be in a good place financially and didn’t want to rely on anyone to do this for us.

We got a lot of flack from random relatives, people who really should shut their traps, and eventually I started replying with “Great. Let’s do it tomorrow. So you’re paying for it? When can we expect the first check?”

That usually puts people in their place. A lot of people open their mouth without thinking. Some just are clods.

Now that we’ve set a date and people ask “why were you engaged so long?”

“We wanted to pay for it ourselves. We wanted to be in a good place financially. Our parents are nearing retirement age and we’d prefer they kept their money for their retirement.”

Anyone who balks at a young couple wanting to start their lives off financially stable is a jerk.

Seriously, in the grand scheme of wedding planning and the stress that goes along with it, let this and other small stresses, roll off your back. You’ll be happier and glad you did.

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