- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
I have 6 bridesmaids and no Maid/Matron of Honor (by choice, Fiance is not choosing a best man either). I had no idea how much drama this would cause!
One of my BMs Karen (a good girlfriend) has been talking to me for months about bridal shower ideas and how excited she is to plan one with the rest of the girls. I mentioned this to another Bridesmaid or Best Man Amy (who is one of my FSILs) and the next thing I know she is all about the bridal shower planning, even going as far as to tell my other Future Sister-In-Law (also a bridesmaid) that I gave her the lead on planning it (not true). So she is now (all the time) throwing lots of ideas my way (mostly good ones) and going on and on about it. I mentioned this to Karen yesterday and suggested she give Amy a call so they could plan together. She asked for Amy’s number so she could call her to discuss ideas and to let her know she wanted to help.
Karen calls me in tears last night saying that Amy was a complete bully on the phone and basically said “no thanks” to Karen’s help. There were some pretty rude comments made (according to Karen) and Amy criticized all the ideas that Karen mentioned I might like. Karen then told Amy she had some great ideas for my bachelorette party and says that Amy told her she already decided what to do for that and that she “doesnt need to worry about it.”
Karen then e-mailed me afterwards and told me if Amy was going to act like that throughout the shower planning then she would not be participating unless Amy asks her to do something specific. She was very upset because she has been looking forward to working on this for a long time and even tho Future Sister-In-Law can be VERY intimidating, she didnt expect so much resistance.
So I called Amy and casually bring up the bridal shower and ask her if she has everyones info so she can reach out to people for help to start planning. She tells me “if you know someone who wants to help, tell them to call me.” This made me mad because its not my job to direct people to Amy. She is supposed to be getting everyone involved if she wants to take the lead on it. I’m not going to ask people if they want to work on my bridal shower?!
So then I tell Amy that since she has taken the lead (as she apparently keeps telling other BMs) on the bridal shower, that I’m giving Karen the lead on the bachelorette party. In a nasty tone she demands “WHY?”. I told her it was too much for her to plan both and that the Bachelorette party was perfect for Karen to plan (personality wise) and that way they would both have control over organizing something.
She then throws this huge fit and says that Karen must have been b*tching to me about their phone call last night. She then tells me that she was very receptive to all of her ideas (i dont believe her) and she was very friendly and welcomed her help (dont believe her). She says she is livid that Karen would start this kind of drama so early on and tattle on her and make her out to be the bad guy.
I know she is lying about the conversation because she can be a very headstrong intimidating person. She practically guilt-tripped me into having her and her sister as bridesmaids, even when I had already planned on asking them.
I am so mad that this drama has started so early on. I fully planned on putting her in her place and now that she is denying she ever said any of the stuff to Karen, I don’t know what to do. She is now threatening to withdraw from the bridal party planning all together.
Should I keep trying to mediate or just step out of the way?