- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Hello, I am new here, so please go easy on me. 😉
I know this problem has probably been posted and covered a million times, but I am genuinely stressed about about my fiance’s friends and the impact they have on me and our relationship, as well as the bachelor party. Background: Fiance is a former frat boy, lived in a bachelor pad until he was 31. We hooked up in 2007, and were on and off until late 2010, when he finally realized I was the girl he wanted to marry. In May 2012, he left the bachelor pad, and moved in with me. In Dec 2012, he proposed, and we have an October wedding date.
He has two main friends that concern me. One is Mike, his BFF from his college frat days, and his former bachelor pad roommate. Other is Ben, the other half of the married couple friend we hang out with sometimes. While these guys are generally fun to be around, I couldn’t be more disgusted with how perverted, immature and disrespectful to women they are, yes, even the married Ben guy.
Mike never directly said he didn’t approve of our relationship, but little things he does, makes me realize he would much rather have his BFF single and chasing young tail with him (now he’s 32, still getting wasted every weekend and chasing girls 10 years younger). When fiance and I first got serious as bf/gf, I was going to add Mike on facebook, until fiance told me Mike doesn’t add “girlfriends”. I even heard this from Mike himself. I just said whatever, and let it go. I found out recently that Mike opened up an Instagram account. He’s following every one of our mutual friends, even girls/wives/gf’s except….me. Now, I can’t help but feel snubbed or that he will never like me. Plus, it made me remember a time when we had a huge surfing event in our city, and he texted me to ask if then bf was in town, I said no. He was 5 minutes away from our house with our friends having a good time, but only texted me to ask that, and didn’t bother inviting me. Maybe it’s because I dont drink a lot, but thinking about it now, it kind of hurts. He doesn’t make the effort to get on my good graces or get to know me. Now that we’re getting married, he keeps asking me if there will be whores at the wedding for him, and he constantly jokes and asks me if I have any single whore friends. He even complained to fiance about a month after he moved out, that he doesn’t see him anymore. Are you kidding me? You’ve practically lived with my man for 10 years, and you can’t even be happy for him growing up, you’re whining like a child about it. Mike is going to be one of the groomsmen, and it makes me sick. Fiance doesn’t know what to do about it or confront his precious Mike. We fight over Mike a lot lately.
As for Ben, he is the biggest married pervert I have ever met. He has no filter about commenting/gawking over plastic women in front of us and his (very normal average) wife. I really have no idea how she handles it. He is no looker by any means himself. When he comments on women in front of all of us, he tries to cover it up by telling Mike to check her out, it makes me very uncomfortable, because it seems like he wants to get my fiance to look as well. He also follows tons of plastic women’s accounts, as well as sex picture accounts on instagram and twitter, and even has porn videos on his phone that he likes to show his friends. It’s quite sickening to me that he constantly needs to be looking at other women and sex like he’s a horny teenager.
Fiance is on a bachelor party in Vegas for one of their friends, with these two guys this weekend, and I’m so stressed about the amount of perving going on. While Mike is the only looker of the group (only guy single and in shape), I’m still stressed knowing Ben is telling my fiance and the other guys to look at all the fake women they wish they had. There is also a married guy with a baby on the way there that I don’t think is trustworthy either. He was a known womanizer up until early 40’s. I saw him hug a random girl, and spin her around telling her how beautiful she was… when he was engaged. I’m sure that wasn’t the first time he’s done something like that when his then-fiance wasn’t around. I highly doubt getting married/baby on the way is changing him that much.
I don’t even know what I’m complaining about anymore. I know I shouldn’t get mad at fiance for his friend’s behaviors, but I’m genuinely concerned that when I’m not around, he acts like these guys that are his “friends”. These guys stress me out. Mike makes me so upset about how he snubs me and won’t grow up, Ben is a huge pervert, and I just don’t know how to deal with this in the future and after the wedding. I cried this morning after fiance left for the bachelor party. Maybe I think too much, I don’t know. This is such a nightmare for me.