- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
Oh my, the time of year when I get stressed out about my parents and my SO seeing each other has come around again.
For a little bit of background info, my parents (mostly my mom) don’t really approve of my SO; my parents are culturally very hippie-ish, and my SO is, in some ways, more towards the “redneck” end of the spectrum, in that he has some of the usual rural hobbies– which my parents don’t like. He’s a very gentle, intelligent, interesting guy who loves me, cares for me, can converse pleasantly, earns a good living, etc., but my parents really don’t like some things about him. He is also a number of years older than me, and since he already had a beautiful house and piece of land, I moved in with him, making my parents feel that I have given up more for him than he has for me (what?! This one never makes sense to me!!). For the record, I love and really like my SO for who he is, and am very happy with him, despite having had my love for him challenged repeatedly by unpleasantness from my parents.
Things are way more pleasant than they were the first couple of years we were together, but we only see my parents on larger family social occasions, and last year was the first in 3 1/2 years that my SO and I were both invited to my parents’ house for the holidays. SOOOO, holidays are coming round again and I am stressing about what’s going to happen this time. It’s my parents’ house, so they get to choose who they invite– but I really hope they are able to have both my SO and me there. . . since they insist on having both Thanksgiving and Christmas with me/us each year– our families aren’t up for us trading off and spending one holiday with one family and the other holiday with the other family. UGH.
The other family stress thing is, that my dad expects my SO to speak to him before proposing to me. If my father didn’t care about this tradition, then I would eagerly skip it. But it is VERY important to my father; he feels it is a respectful and necessary thing to do, so because it’s important to my dad, it’s important to me that it happen to help foster goodwill between my parents and SO. (You’d think since my parents are hippies they wouldn’t believe in this, but somehow my father does, grr.)
I told my SO that my father feels this way, last year. My SO has a very good memory, so I am pretty sure that he knows he has to speak to my father, if not both my parents, before he proposes. I also told my parents that if my SO talks to them, they have to keep it a secret from me. Stupid me!!!
I also happen to know (I’m not supposed to, but I saw something I shouldn’t have) that my SO bought the ring in the summer, and I’m 95% sure that he intended to have it by the time we went on a vacation in the late summer so he could propose then. But he didn’t, which could be because the ring didn’t come in time (which I think is vey possible), or because he couldn’t/didn’t talk to my dad!
I want to think that my SO talked to my parents already in the summer, but I fear he didn’t, and I’m freaked out by the idea of what my parents might say, and I hope that’s not what is holding my SO and me back from getting engaged!!!
The reason why the holiday stress and the SO speaking to parents stress are linked is because if my SO HASN’T talked to them yet, the most likely time for that to happen will be when we are at their house for a holiday, but I don’t know if my SO and I both will even be invited to my parents’ house on a holiday!!!
Thanks for listening!