(Closed) Stressing Over Holidays

posted 4 years ago in Holidays
Post # 2
Member
47377 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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carlylashant :  In the USA Thanksgiving and Christmas are so close, why not spend Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other, then alternate the next year?

I think most couples go through this, until they figure out everyone is having a great holiday-everyone but them.

Post # 3
Member
7577 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

DH’s parents are divorced so we had 3-4 places to get to each holiday and plenty of hurt feelings on his side if time wasn’t even.

We decided to stay home alone for Thanksgiving (we live out of state from our families) and devote Christmas Eve to one side and Christmas Day to the other. We rotate each year between who gets Christmas Eve and who gets Christmas day. 

Perhaps you could do Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other? 

Post # 4
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

When I was growing up we spent Christmas Eve with one side and Christmas Day with the other side. We alternated years for Thanksgiving. 

Post # 5
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee

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carlylashant :  My guy’s parents and my mom live about two hours apart (both a 4-5 hour drive from us) – my mom gets Thanksgiving, and his family gets Christmas. Frankly, they’re all adults, and understand that there are two families, and so if they feel left out, they don’t tell us about it. We also don’t have a space to host, and maybe someday we’ll have everyone together, but not now.

Also, we both have siblings who have partners, and so there’s a lot of balancing of needs. 

Post # 6
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

we have/had the same issue so we basically set a schedule…. since his family is jewish and mine is catholic his parents get passover (which means that we skip easter) and my parents get christmas and then we alternate thanksgiving (though in recent years we hosted once and his parents decided they rather stay home with friends than come so we sort of decided that we were just going to do whatever we wanted from now on… which means this year we are going to iceland instead!)

since his parent don’t do a big christmas anyways (his sibling live on the other coast and never really come home so its just them) its a little easier but my sister does christmas eve with my family and then christmas day with her DH family which still means a bunch of traveling but its a little easier…. could you convince one family to celebrate on christmas eve instead? (this is my family tradition anyways since we have an italian style feast of the 7 fishes)

Post # 7
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: The Retreat at Bradley\'s Pond

We’re alternating this year and did roughly the reverse the year before (just got married in April). 

We’re doing Thanksgiving with DH mom’s this year- as she lives roughly an hour away and it’s also his birthday week. Then we’ll be spending time with my family for Christmas. 

Last year we had a miserable time Christmas morning with his mom and brother and by that night we went down to see my family. Not fun. 

I’m also encouraging DH that I may take 1 car to see my family 3 hours away and stay 2 nights more, and invite him to come down later with his elderly mom so we can all be together. Sounds like a win to me, but we’ll see how it shakes out. 

For now, we’re like you where we’re unable to host but in another year or so when we can- yes, I’ll be playing that card!

Post # 8
Member
2678 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I can relate and it’s getting especially difficult as most of our siblings have busy lives and significant others. At this point, we’ve kind of dedicated Thanksgiving to my family and Christmas with his. My grandparents still ‘host’ Thanksgiving and they live 4 hours away. It’s important to me to spend as much time as I can with them right now. My husband doesn’t have any living grandparents or much extended family so he understands fortunately. We make an effort to see his parents and younger half brothers on Christmas morning/day.  Then, my family on Christmas Eve or late Christmas Day, whichever works best.

I’m so lucky that my husband understands why I want to spend Thanksgiving with my family and that my family understand they’re nnot the one and only either.

Good luck, OP!

Post # 9
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

we struggle with this every year too.  And now we have a baby to add to the mix.

What we’ve decided is that we can only do one house per day and that’s it.  We also realized we can not make everyone happy.  Both our parents always push to see us the day of, but it’s just too much.  So my DH and I sat down and decided where we were going when and came up with a plan we found to be ‘fair’.  We then told our parents the plan.  End of story.

This year we are doing my parents on Thanksgiving day.  It’s the one holiday my mom hosts the extended family for and I feel it’s important to be there that day.  The day after thanksgiving we will go to my IL’s.  My Mother-In-Law hosts pretty much every holiday so we can’t reasonably be at them all.  On thanksgiving they have out of town guests who stay all weekend so Friday they always do a dinner of leftovers.  So we’ll be there for the leftovers dinner.  Since we’ll be with my family thanksgiving day, we’ll be with his on Christmas day.  We’ll likely do something with my family on Christmas eve, but still TBD.

Post # 10
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Vineyard on Long Island

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carlylashant :  we go to FI’s parents on Thanksgiving and spend the day before, thanksgiving day, and black friday with them.  for christmas, we do christmas eve and christmas day with my family.  new years flips between one of our families or wtih friends, depending on the year.  We tried doing both families on christmas the first 2 years we were together, but driving 3.5 hours between houses took its toll and just stressed us out.  we ended up having breakfast with my parents, driving all day, and just arriving for dinner wtih his parents.  we felt like we missed the whole day and came up with the above solution to fix it.

Post # 11
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee

I’d suggest one family on christmas eve and the other family on Christmas day. That’s what we do, but even that is stressful for me. I think this year I am going to suggest we just alternate families each year.

Post # 12
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee

We have to alternate because my family lives 19 hours away. However some years my family gets the shaft because DH often has to work holidays.

If I were in your shoes, I’d spend Thanksgiving with one family and the day after with the other. Than alternate that on Christmas. The next year you switch the holidays. That way you get more time with each family. 

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