Stringing along?

posted 3 months ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

“I would just ask him point blank why he gave you a timeline that he seemed to have no intention of following through on.” 100% this bee. 

2 years at 38 is PLENTY of time, is he kidding?!! In all honesty having that attitude at 38 is a HUGE red flag. Someone who is 38 should know what they want and have a strong desire to settle down and not waste time doing that. I am 34 and my boyfriend is 33. We started discussing getting married 6 months in. When you know you know. 

Don’t get frustrated just sit down with him and ask him why he gave you a timeline that he didn’t follow through on? Let him talk and see what he says. The main thing is that you want to finish the conversation with a short but firm timeline. Id say give him 4 months to propose. Things to say:

– I would like to be engaged by X month. how does that sound? 

– (if he is resisting setting a timeline, or doesn’t even wanna talk about it) I am not willing to devote an unlimited amount of time to a relationship that isn’t headed towards marriage in the next year. I am 33 and I want children so If this relationship isn’t going there I need to move on. 

I totally get where you are coming from. Please please don’t waste your time as you do want children. Don’t tell him what your walk date is, but I suggest you internally say to yourself, if he doens’t propose by say 6 months from now, you walk away from him and move on. And if he complains about 2 years not being enough time, tell him that you really don’t appreciate him saying that. 2 years of your time is valuable and should be treated as so. If he doesn’t value the last 2 years of your time, than perhaps you should move on. Put yourself first bee. The rest will follow. 

Post # 18
Member
3027 posts
Sugar bee

beekind2 :  You did a great job of making your needs clear – and calling him on his bullshit excuse (waiting for everything to be “perfect” – give me a break). Now stick to your walk date and make sure that he’s well aware of it. And please, don’t get pregnant until you’re at least engaged. There’s no percentage in it. 

Post # 21
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

beekind2 :  Yay!

 

Glad he stepped up and asked! Congratulations and enjoy the planning!!

Post # 22
Member
2469 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

beekind2 :  Congrats but one caveat, don’t allow him to try to delay a wedding date.  Given his (initial) reluctance, your ages and that you want kids,  I would push for the wedding sooner rather than later.   Congrats again,  post a pic of the ring, we love those!

Post # 23
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

mrstodd2bee :  I agree with this advice 100%. Set a wedding date asap and keep it moving. 

Contratulations bee!! So so happy for you that this worked out! Love seeing these examples of women clearly stating what they want and not accepting less and seeing the guy step up! You should be proud of yourself that you had the courage to stand firm on what you deserved. 

Post # 24
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Congrats Bee, I hope you enjoy planning!

I agree with PP about setting the wedding date you want soon. My SO procrastinated on his proposal, and I did not want any of that uncertainty with the wedding, so we set a date and booked a venue 1.5 months after getting engaged.

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