Post # 16
“I would just ask him point blank why he gave you a timeline that he seemed to have no intention of following through on.” 100% this bee.
2 years at 38 is PLENTY of time, is he kidding?!! In all honesty having that attitude at 38 is a HUGE red flag. Someone who is 38 should know what they want and have a strong desire to settle down and not waste time doing that. I am 34 and my boyfriend is 33. We started discussing getting married 6 months in. When you know you know.
Don’t get frustrated just sit down with him and ask him why he gave you a timeline that he didn’t follow through on? Let him talk and see what he says. The main thing is that you want to finish the conversation with a short but firm timeline. Id say give him 4 months to propose. Things to say:
– I would like to be engaged by X month. how does that sound?
– (if he is resisting setting a timeline, or doesn’t even wanna talk about it) I am not willing to devote an unlimited amount of time to a relationship that isn’t headed towards marriage in the next year. I am 33 and I want children so If this relationship isn’t going there I need to move on.
I totally get where you are coming from. Please please don’t waste your time as you do want children. Don’t tell him what your walk date is, but I suggest you internally say to yourself, if he doens’t propose by say 6 months from now, you walk away from him and move on. And if he complains about 2 years not being enough time, tell him that you really don’t appreciate him saying that. 2 years of your time is valuable and should be treated as so. If he doesn’t value the last 2 years of your time, than perhaps you should move on. Put yourself first bee. The rest will follow.
Post # 17
We just had a very frank discussion. I told him I am severely disappointed that he told me by the end of the year and nothing happened. It was clear he feels bad and admitted that he just wants everything perfect–to which I said life isn’t perfect! So he said within the next few months. I said I can’t believe that when you already said that and it didn’t happen. So I am going to give it until May. That way he will have opportunities on Easter and we usually take some sort of vacation in mid April. If it doesn’t happen then I am going to be forced to move on. So that is a little sacrifice for me waiting longer but not totally betraying myself by waiting indefinitely. I do love this man very much and things are great between us. But marriage and a family is too important to me and I would be willing to let go of really good love for just plain love if it came with someone who wasn’t going to make me wait.
Thanks again ladies and please keep your fingers (and toes!) crossed for me
Post # 18
beekind2 : You did a great job of making your needs clear – and calling him on his bullshit excuse (waiting for everything to be “perfect” – give me a break). Now stick to your walk date and make sure that he’s well aware of it. And please, don’t get pregnant until you’re at least engaged. There’s no percentage in it.
Post # 20
Just wanted to update: HE PROPOSED!!! So glad I did have to make the walk call. Thank you ladies for your support. Now on to WEDDING PLANNING! 🙂
Post # 21
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
beekind2 : Yay!
Glad he stepped up and asked! Congratulations and enjoy the planning!!
Post # 22
beekind2 : Congrats but one caveat, don’t allow him to try to delay a wedding date. Given his (initial) reluctance, your ages and that you want kids, I would push for the wedding sooner rather than later. Congrats again, post a pic of the ring, we love those!
Post # 23
mrstodd2bee : I agree with this advice 100%. Set a wedding date asap and keep it moving.
Contratulations bee!! So so happy for you that this worked out! Love seeing these examples of women clearly stating what they want and not accepting less and seeing the guy step up! You should be proud of yourself that you had the courage to stand firm on what you deserved.
Post # 24
Congrats Bee, I hope you enjoy planning!
I agree with PP about setting the wedding date you want soon. My SO procrastinated on his proposal, and I did not want any of that uncertainty with the wedding, so we set a date and booked a venue 1.5 months after getting engaged.