Post # 1
My fiance and I have had multiple “discussions” about his bachelor party— I really don’t like strip clubs for a variety of reasons, but I decided to compromise and he can go to one for his bachelor party. I can deal for one night.
But I can’t budge on physical contact. It’s not a trust issue – I know the stripper isn’t looking to take anything home from him but his cash – but I think it’s disrespectful and not really in the spirit of marriage to have another woman all on him. So he agreed that he won’t get any lap dances.
Is this realistic? I know a few of his friends’ll be getting them. If he tells them not to buy him any, are they going to listen? I personally doubt it, but he tells me I just have to trust him. It’s not like all of his friends are dirtbags, but there are one or two I could see being like, “he’s the bachelor! Take care of him!” Yuck.
I don’t really want to lay down the law and say “no strip clubs,” but I will be so hurt if he gets a dance. I just can’t wait for the party to be over.
Any thoughts? Is a true look-no-touch experience realistic?
Post # 3
I understand a lot of women feel the way you do about strip clubs. It personally doesn’t bother me. I think if it was about 5 yrs ago I would have had a fit but I trust my Fiance totally and say knock yourself out. Don’t get me wrong this can’t be a regular thing but for the bachelor party go ahead. Plus he hates germs so I can’t see him letting them do to much LOL
Post # 4
If your Fiance is strong enough to say “no” and mean it, then you’ll be fine. If you think he’ll waver and give in, even under the influence of alcohol (which i only understand to an extent–even when I drink heavily I still maintain my wits about me).
It’s not a matter of whether or not your FI’s friends listen…it’s a matter of what your Fiance does. He’s right, you do have to trust him. If he knows how you feels about them and respects them, he’ll maintain the hands off mentality and hopefully mention it to his buds ahead of time. But if he’s a pushover about it, his buddies will get their way. You know him well enough–is he the kind of guy who can say no, mean it, and that be that?
Post # 5
My personal opinion is that bachelor parties are the opportunity for the groom’s friends to act like drunken frat boys. I wouldn’t want my Fiance giving me “rules” for my bachelorette party and therefore, I will not be giving him “rules” for his.
You’ve told him how you feel. If he feels comfortable with his guys saying “no lap dances” then that’s great. But if something were to happen, I would just let it go. Keep in mind that everyone will be drunk and all his friends will be putting him under tons of pressure to do this kind of stuff. Personally, my Fiance would be mortified to tell all his buddies, “my Fiance said I couldn’t have any lap dances.”
Just trust him. It’s just a strip club, and nothing is going to be taken too far.
Post # 6
Maybe I am wrong, but I think it’s unrealistic. His best man will want to show him a good time and will be trying to buy him lap dances.
I also don’t understand girls who say “this is not a trust issue”. I personally think it is. Fiance and I have not really talked about boundaries for our bachelor and bachelorette parties because we trust each other. I certainly would not want Fiance telling me what I can and cannot do during my bachelorette party and I won’t be telling him what he is allowed to do or not do during his bachelor party. To me strip clubs are not a big deal. I know my Fiance is having fun with his friends, but to me a lap dance means nothing of substance. Maybe I also feel this way because my Fiance is not very into going to strip clubs. He has been a couple of times for friend’s bachelor parties and will go for his, but not super interested in strippers.
Post # 7
1) His friends are going to buy him lap dances anyway.
2) They aren’t a big deal. I think you should go to the strip club with him before the bachelor party to see what kind of things happen there. It might be a fun “warm up” (if you’re sexually active) and you can maybe talk to some of the girls there and let them know your concerns. Remember, they’re women just like you are, not automatons so perhaps you can find one to tell you the real deal.
3) If you tell him no strip clubs, his friends will just get a stripper to come to wherever they are anyway.
Post # 8
@Jessica22580 – I am not being sarcastic when I say, literally, good for you. I wish it didn’t bother me, because this would be a lot easier if it didn’t. But it does, so we have to compromise. Just the way it goes 🙂
@ejs4y8 – I don’t know. In general, he’s a morally strong guy. But he really views this party as for his friends. That’s when I get worried.
Post # 9
I feel the same way you do about strip clubs and I have asked Fiance to respect that rule whenif he goes for someone else’ bachelor party. But, the guys are going to buy him one whether he wants it or not. He is the bachelor and I don’t know how he would stop them. Can they go someplace else? If they do go, I think you are just going to have to trust him. I know you mentioned physical contact, but there can never be any physical contact even during a lap dance.
Post # 10
Boobs and alcohol don’t mix. Sorry. If you are against a dance, I say mention camping or white water rafting.
Post # 11
I think that if you trust your guy, then it should be fine. They don’t have to get a lapdance becasue they go to the strip club.
Post # 12
Picture saying, “Babe I’d rather you and the boys visit the Museum of Natural History instead of a Strip club”. LOL
Post # 13
My stance (and he knows this) is that strip clubs are okay, but no touching. And the strippers must stay in their “natural habitat” (i.e. the club, no strippers to be sent to a hotel room).
Post # 14
i would trust my fi. however, this is how it went with my husband. we had the same discussion, i’m ok with the strip club but not with any girls who ha rubbing all over him. he said of course he’s fine with that rule, but there’s no way in hell his friends are NOT going to buy him a lap dance for his bachelorette party, that’s why they’re going there. he said instead of dealing with them, he’d rather just not go.
but your fi has different friends, you know him, you know best. and hopefully you’re not marrying a guy you can’t trust. so i would trust him.
Post # 15
No going to the Champagne room! LOL
Post # 16
@Jessica22580 – That was a little mean. They’re playing poker, going to a Bulls game, and then hitting the bars. I expect them all to be drunken messes. I just don’t want another girls tits on his face.